I woke up fixed a cup of peppermint tea. Right now, I’m watching a Buster Keaton movie,Seven Chances, on Turner Classic Movies.

I am worried about Mrs McDaddy. I heard there were fires in Sonoma County. I think that is where she and her husband live.

I’ve been up an hour. Going back to bed

Father Sunil was at the 5:00 Mass at St . Bridget’s Sunday to generate support for the Syro-Malabar Catholic parish that is growing here in Richmond. Briefly the Syro-Malabar Catholic Church acknowledges the authority of the Holy See (Pope, Bishop of Rome), but does not use the Latin Mass (Rite).

So after Mass, I introduce myself, and I ask him about cricket. He is a fan! Priests always surprise me when they don’t have their “game faces” on. He is a really nice guy. I have heard him say Daily Mass at The Abbey. I told him I would be there this morning. Now it is 0316. Mass is at 0700. I have been up about 30 minutes. I want to go back to bed. I have had only about three hours sleep.

Sometimes, when I awaken in the middle of the night, I feel the pain of the grieving, broken, brutalized world. I don’t have any solutions.

I will go back to bed soon.

When J came home about an hour ago, she saw the newly discovered Teddy Bear.

“Dan gave that to my mother for her birthday one year.”

J’s mother, Lola passed away on 26 December 2009, St Stephen’s Day (Boxing Day). She was 92.

Dan, her brother died this year on 29 March. He died of ALS, a result of combat service in Viet Nam. (Maybe from Agent Orange exposure,but the government doesn’t out right admit it.)

Now this bear is even more important, I suspect. Dan’s time in Viet Nam was in 1968-69, when J was around fourteen.

He came back alive, only to die from war nearly fifty years later.

We’ll see where this goes.

Over in a dusty corner, in an alcove, I found this Vermont Teddy Bear. It also had a Happy Birthday star 🌟. I did not put that with the bear just yet, to see if Gigi remembers.

Here is the full complement of Gigi’s Stuffies.

What do you do with your junk mail? I let it pile up, remorseful that I haven’t acted on it. Mostly it seems like charitable solicitations, insurance offers, and flyers for tours of the Rhineland, Antarctica,Egypt. Seems like the only place I don’t get a tour offer about is the Gulag Archipelago.

I spent the afternoon, whittling down this pile. It is quite a tedious chore. And there is more to be done. But I’ve just had enough.

I fixed homemade macaroni & cheese,only my recipe is more like cheese and macaroni. I don’t really know much cheddar I grated, but it was a lot. I use light cream in the sauce too. And regular old starchy macaroni, with plenty of gluten. Normally I avoid wheat, but exceptions exists, like for homemade Mac & Cheese.

So it is 1900 Hrs, 7:00 PM. Dinner has been prepared, served, and cleaned up. J is in bed, tired from work, sore also. She appreciates what I do. I found another of her stuffies, put it on the bed. She is grateful for the clean sheets.

I’m watching Kenneth Clark’s Civilisation, the segment on Erasmus, The Reformation, Dürer, Montaigne, and Shakespeare. Next up will be The Counter-Reformation.

My body is aching, yearning for love. It is still a ways away.

Later.

Yes! I went back to sleep after my 0330 wake up. I sat down only to discover that England and Australia had sat down for a spot of lunch. Then, to no one’s surprise, there came rain. England, you know. I surfed around, picked up the latest news on the Catholic clergy sex abuse scandal. I fixed a “clean-out”omelette, finishing off the mushrooms and sour cream that needed using up.

At one point, I decided to change the sheets, including rotating the mattress, no small feat with a queen. Sheets have been changed, bed frame polished, room dusted. Now I sit.

I got tired of J spending $3.36 at Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced tea every bloody day. It wasn’t so much the money as it was the friggin’ plastic cup, she got every damn time that make up 20% (?) of our recyclables. So I saved a lid, found a cup that it would fit and sent her off to work.This is the iced tea, I make for her, that she drinks as the alternative. Fuck that. The iced tea expense is absurd. It is over.

I will swim some time today, if the weather holds up.

Right now I am sitting with no TV on, no music playing, just some insects chirping outside. Lying down and the sheets are clean.