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Dispatches From Dystopia

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Dispatches From Dystopia

Category Archives: Classical Music

Aesthetics (Revision #1)

14 Friday Dec 2018

Posted by David in Aesthetics, Classical Music

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#Beauty

I don’t know how much I am going to write about this right now. So come back for future editions. The previous post, wherein Anna Netrebko and Elina Garanca perform the Flower Duet from Delibes’ opera Lakme, has me thinking about beauty and art.

Art is a convergence of emotion and intellect. With exceptions, the art of Jackson Pollack, (perhaps?), art (literature and music included under that term) expresses itself in a discernable structure that touches a common understanding with humanity.

We can see beauty in Michelangelo’s David and an African mask. This David seems somewhat remote from Bible stories, just as the masks evoke a spirit world that we Westerners don’t fully understand, if at all.

But the construction of both are ordered and get points across. David represents a human at a full potential, as a child of God. The masks confront us with the depth of the universe, that there is always more than just what we see.

What I’m leading to are the questions, can there be an aesthetic of chaos, disorder, ugliness and brutality?

This is not to say that art cannot depict ugly or disturbing images. Michelangelo’s Last Judgement from the Sistine Chapel immediately comes to mind. Robert Capa’s iconic photograph of a Spanish Republican soldier at he moment he is killed is another example. No image captures the brutality of war better than that photograph.

‘Tis The Season….

14 Thursday Dec 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Classical Music, Family

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I have a love/hate relation with Christmas. Painful memories. Fond memories. I remember my father had to leave one year the day after Christmas to do a year-end audit in Birmingham, Alabama. I just wanted him to stay, probably not as much as he wanted to stay. Nowhere nearly as much as he did.  Christmases with my children. And thanks to divorce, Christmas without them.

And then there is the Holy Mass for the Solemnity of the Incarnation. I have been to Midnight Masses, and Christmas Day Masses. The serenity I associate with the Mass is profound. The silences between the chanted portions of the Masses are equally as moving as the chants.  And the Gloria is exquisite.  If one is lucky enough to be at a Mass where The Credo is chanted (the Missa Angeles especially), it is especially moving. He became Man and dwelt among us. The Incarnation will always be a Mystery. There are things we will never figure out. Mysteries.

Other music is also singularly special.  Händel’s Messiah, Bach’s Christmas Oratorio, Brittain’s Ceremony of Carols. Then there is the exquisite Marian Anthem, for the season,  Alma Redemptoris Mater, the simple tone Gregorian Chant.

Most importantly Christmas is the orange in the toe of my hand-knitted Christmas stocking. Because St Nicholas remembers that for the longest time, an orange, a simple orange, for Heaven’s sake, was something special.

Love/Hate. Loss of family, Presence of Our Lord, the perfunctory acts of charity, birds taking Mylar “icicles”  building their nests.

It’s a jumble. A delicious jumble.

Passion and Catharsis

07 Friday Apr 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Classical Music

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Andrea Chenier, The Passion

I have a confession to make.  I am an enormous sentimental slob. I love passionate  over-the-top operatic duets.  I just finished listening to Luciano Pavarotti and Maria Guleghina sing the finalé duet of Giordano’s masterpiece Andrea Chenier,  Vicino A Té .  I cried, emotionally overwhelmed.  I defy you not to cry.

Truth be told, we need this catharsis.  The characters in the story are sacrificing their lives for others in that orgy of violence, The Reign of Terror that ended The French Revolution.  Every time I turn on the TV,  a movie saturated with violence, a vulgar, comic-book violence, is  promoted. The news?  Brutality.  We have become inured to brutality.  We all have.

We Christians are approaching the critical event of our Faith, the Passion and Crucifixion of Our Lord.  I’ve heard the Passion Story countless times and I am still haunted by the sheer ruthlessness and brutality of  it.   It doesn’t fit well with the Gospel of Nice.  Human beings don’t come off particularly well.  Even Jesus’s friends abandon Him.  We prefer not to think of the evil we are capable of and we are quick to say “Not me. I’m not a party to this atrocity, this execution, this abortion, this genocide.”  And maybe not.  Until. Until we get to dispatch someone we truly loathe or we think “deserves what’s coming to him.”  Until we decide that that particular war, in Syria, or Yemen, or Nigeria, or Sudan, or Darfur, or Chechnya,  or Kurdistan, or Afghanistan isn’t our problem,  just as our grandparents or great-grandparents thought the wars in Manchuria or Ethiopia or Spain weren’t theirs.

We see the killing every damn day and we bottle the grief up.  The rage is fine. We get to be enraged and let that out, part of the unisex Machismo we all can claim, embrace, and revel in.

The tears I cry when Chenier and Maddalena face death, buttressed by their love, arise because I know that some things are greater than the offerings of this world.  And that even when Love appears to lose, it wins.

Noon

06 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by David in Classical Music, Love and stuff, Sexuality

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Desire

IMG_20170406_101852_122NSFW. Adult Language

I woke up at some mysterious time in the dead of night, knowing only that it was too damn early to be up.  The cup of decaf I brewed was cold even in my fancy stainless steel mug .  Now I was hungry too.  Whole wheat toast with peanut butter and pear preserves sounded good.  Little did I know that that would be breakfast.  In a little while I felt sleepy again, back to bed I went.  I started the CD of Saint-Saëns Piano Concerto #1 Opus 17.  And I fell down the rabbit hole of sleep.

9:30.  I gotta pee!  and I’m up now, like it or not.  I take care of that need, get dressed. I want to get the paper. Opening the door, I see a squirrel on the porch rail. Cute in its squirrelness.  While Mrs CorC? gets ready for work, I lie in bed, watching her dress, appreciating her nudity as she hides it in her khakis trousers and striped knit top.

The longing gnaws at me again. My mind catalogs the passion I feel in acts, gestures, rituals of Sex. I’m tired of dressing up Sex in its Sunday Best of Married Love. The love is there all right, but it’s time to kiss the back of her neck, nibble her ear lobe,  fondle and stroke, probe and push and shatter the Good Girl Shield that protects the parched and withering flower of her Southern Baptist C-U-N-T. 

Yes, Precious, I will lick that cunt of yours, and put my finger in there.  I will  kiss the pucker of your anus, push my tongue in a bit.  Yes I am just that dirty and I want to get you dirty too. So when you get on your hands and knees with your Baptist butt on proud display, I will tease your pussy lips with my hard prick before I push it in, spread your ass cheeks, wet your butt hole with a gob of spit and push my  finger in to stuff you like a Christmas goose.

I want to hear you say the words you never say, because you’re afraid that God is keeping score and maybe He won’t forgive you. Because you’re not ashamed you said cock and cunt and asshole and clit and fuck . And let your own Husband do the nasty with you.  And, by Jesus, you even liked it!

Bach To Basics

06 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by David in Classical Music, Love and stuff

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Bach

That is not a spelling error.  I am sitting in the Chair of Omniscience, wondering Where Oh Where has civility in public discourse gone, among other things.  Baseball seems incapable of lifting this sad sack of bones out of this funk.

In my desperation, I turn to the work of one of the world’s great geniuses, Johann Sebastian Bach. I am listening to the Sonata #1 in G Minor, BWV 1001. All of a sudden, despair lifts as the beauty of the melody fills the room.

In the great scheme of things, 300 years is not a long time, but it is longer than 30 years.  We (millions of  us) are still listening to Bach. How many of routinely listen to serious modern music, written, say in the last 30 years? This is not to say that it is bad music, but does it engage our souls and our spirits? This musical drought extends to Church music also.  The hymns of the Christian churches, both Catholic and Protestant, may be catchy and sing-able but do they touch our souls?

Bach was a devout Christian.  Even his secular works inspire a spiritual serenity in me. I can reaffirm that 1) Life is worth living,  2) we can all contribute in our own way to make this Earth a better place, and 3) if God can forgive me for being the egotistical bastard that I am, I can forgive the myriad of people who frost my butt on a daily basis.

Morning- 9 March 2017

09 Thursday Mar 2017

Posted by David in Classical Music, food, Sexual Identity, sleep

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goat cheese, repression.

I wish I could say my day started at 8:30. But that is merely the most recent time I woke up. Maybe it started at 1:51 when the pain of being in one position for too long jarred me awake.  I thought it would show some sort of noble effort if I tried to go back to sleep next to MrsCorC?; that I actually wanted to be there with her, her, wearing her beige cotton granny panties and her forest green turtleneck with little gold  Brooks Brothers sheep embroidered on it.  But no.  Her nightwear is whatever remains on her body after she takes off her trousers (khaki) and bra (beige) after work. Reality speaks volumes when I awaken in the dead of night.  I do so desire  to love you, have you, goddammit, FUCK you.

I get up, go downstairs. I’m sort of hungry. I rummage in the fridge for the log of goat cheese I bought at BJ’s, find it. I ignore the little bit of blue mold growing on the leavings of  chevre  already consumed, making slices to add to the rice crackers, gluten-free, I bought at BJ’s yesterday. Crunchmaster.  A Master, forgodsakes!  Is there a Crunchmaster General? Is there some little Crunchsub, out there, eagerly yearning for the Crunchmaster to take him/her in sordid, kinky, gluten-free cracker defilement and depravity?  I digress.  I have my little snack, topped off with dates, purchased at BJ’s. (Where else?)  for some insane reason, I fix a pot of decaf, thinking I might just drink some.

Then I go to my tan leather Danish reclining chair and just sit.  I don’t read, turn on the TV, or make an attempt at The Rosary (Thursday: Luminous Mysteries). I just sit and revel in the stillness and the silence.  Finally 3:00 AM rolls around. I go back upstairs with a mug of decaffeinated coffee I won’t drink. I go to the other bedroom, take off my pyjama top and scapular, put on a CD of Schubert Lieder, sung by Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau.  I am reluctant to take off the pyjama bottoms and sleep,  completely nude!  Why? Is sexual repression contagious,  like some bizarro-world version of the clap?

Next thing I know it is 8:30. I am awake. I hear the shower running.  Mrs CorC? is getting ready for work. I get up, embrace her.  She remarks that I am strong. I infer that that comment is an acknowledgement of my sexuality. My hopes are raised  Maybe we will be lovers again.

St Cecelia, Ngo Dinh Diem, JFK

22 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by David in American History, Classical Music, Politics, Vietnam

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JFK, Ngo Dinh Diem, St Cecelia

I would be remiss if I let 22 November pass unnoticed.  It is St Cecelia’s Day. Cecelia was a young woman martyred in Second Century Rome, who sang while her executioners went about their business.  She is now the patron saint of musicians.  Given the importance of music in the Catholic tradition, it is a special day.   Starting in the Sixteenth Century, the Protestants, beset with the graven image hang-up, allowed church music to flourish. We have Buxtehude, Bach, Handel, Mendelsohn from their side of the Christian house to enrich us.  My sister, a church organist, would take my cousin Annette to the Cathedral for the St Cecelia’s Day Concert.  It was Annette’s only predictable foray inside the walls of a church, an illustration of the maxim quality over quantity.

Jumping over the centuries, we come to November, 1963. On 2 November, 1963, President Ngo Dinh Diem was taken from the Cathedral in Saigon where he was attending the All Souls Day Mass and murdered in a coup d’etat.  The coup, we were to learn, was staged with the approval of the U. S. Department of State.  It seems the pezzo novante (big shots) at State didn’t care for how Diem and his brother Ngo Dinh Nhu, the lawful leaders of the South Vietnamese government, were conducting the war. They proceeded to fabricate allegations of corruption against them and found men willing to depose and murder them.  The success of the war against the Communist Viet Cong guerrillas did not improve after the coup. The war “escalated”, to use a contemporary term.  After the deaths of millions of Vietnamese, Laotions, and Cambodians and thousands of Americans, we have the state of affairs that exists today. In a well-documented book The Lost Mandate Of Heaven (Ignatius Press, 2015), Geoffrey Shaw, PhD,  tells the story of Diem’s murder.  The U.S. government does not come off too well. Suffice it to say fundamental cultural insensitivity toward statecraft from the Confucian context of Diem prompted the coup.

Finally, one cloudy cold Friday in November, my Seventh Grade P.E. Class was playing soccer on the athletic field at Westhampton Junior High School, when Mrs. Aron, the Girls’ P.E. teacher,  came charging out. We learned that President Kennedy had been assassinated. I remember it as if it were yesterday.  Some kids cheered.  Patriotism and respect for authority were not the default settings, even then.  The next few days brought a great period of  mourning for the world.  I remember the pictures of President de Gaulle of France at the funeral.  Even the Russians were respectful; the Cold War forgotten for a few days at least.

The future of the country was changed by the killings of Diem and Kennedy. Kennedy’s death was viewed as a martyrdom for Civil Rights for Blacks.   President Johnson used his incomparable political expertise to get the Civil Rights Act of 1964 through Congress. He had overwhelming Republican support for the Bill, true bipartisanship.  1964 brought the Gulf of Tonkin Incident which spawned the Congressional Resolution establishing the President’s right to expand the war in South Vietnam and all of Indochina. The Democratic landslide in the 1964 Presidential Election gave President Johnson the Congressional power and popular mandate he wanted to wage his War on Poverty and usher in his Great Society agenda.  For good or ill we live with the legacy today.

In my life, the first outcome was school integration.  Black children now attended a school close to where they lived rather than try to get to the nearest segregated school for blacks.  The public accommodations section almost overnight changed Southern life. No more Jim Crow bathrooms, denial of access to restaurants and hotels for blacks. Today, when I go into Cracker Barrel and the patrons are split almost equally black and white, I wonder what the controversy was about in the first place.  I could have told you even in 1964 both communities like the same food.

My life from 1969 through 1973 was dictated by the Vietnam War  I turned 18 the day Nixon was inaugurated because January 20 fell on a Sunday that year.  I registered for the draft and received a student deferment.  The draft lottery system was introduced subsequently. My number was 129 and that was high enough to keep me from being drafted. We never questioned what might have been, had the 1963 coup never been attempted.

Off She Goes

14 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by David in Classical Music, Love and stuff, Sport

≈ 2 Comments

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Amtrak, Catholicism, Communication, Feelings., Insomnia, love, Montreal Canadiens, Relationships

Monday, I wake up around Six. I fell asleep in the other bed, in the other bedroom, around Three. At least I guess I did. Earlier I woke up around One A.M., lay in bed, the big queen size bed, till I finally acknowledge my need to urinate. I climb out of bed, walk to the bathroom, flick on the light, raise the seat, and void.

I go downstairs, decide a cup of decaf is in order, start one with the Keurig machine, listen to the pressure push the stream of hot water through the plastic pod, then take my cup of hot Dunkin’ Decaf.  I sit in my leather recliner,check football scores, the arrival/departure status of Amtrak trains and sip the coffee.  I start to feel tired again after reading and  pondering the state of the world. I say a Hail Mary, putting emphasis on the phrase “Full of Grace”, being too lazy to get out the Rosary and invest the twenty minutes it takes me to pray five decades.

Back upstairs I go. I position the pillow against my back, start the CD with Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau singing Schubert Lieder. I last remember the fourth song. Next thing I know it is Six A.M.  I brew some real coffee with caffeine, read the obituaries, (my mother’s morning habit), then the sports page. Les Habs, the Montreal Canadiens, lost last night 3-2 to the Blackhawks.  I start a DVD (CBS’s World War I), paying half-attention to Robert Ryan’s narrative of the Pershing Expedition to find Pancho Villa in 1916.  I text with my friend in Connecticut over nothing in particular.

I hear Mrs CorC  moving about upstairs, starting her shower, then trudge upstairs to chill with her as she gets dressed for work.  I tease her about the foods she dislikes, veal, lamb, okra (gumbo), promising not to put okra in the soup I’m planning to fix in the next couple of days.

She is dressed for work, her teeth brushed, her I-Pad charged. She kisses me good-bye, half-heartedly, fearful this morning, of infecting me with some imagined virus.

She did not remind me to be a “Good Boy” today. I never ask what would constitute bad behavior, (looking at porn sites perhaps?)  If she only knew of the porn playing between my ears whenever I wished to imagine it, she would realize the futility of her admonition.

One day, in our ongoing but sporadic dialogue of why we don’t make love, she stated that menopause stifled her libido.  I can only speculate as to why she has made no inquiries with doctors, or psychotherapists, or even friends on how to restore said libido.   She is not, after all, singularly, uniquely, and solitarily afflicted with this dilemma.

“Why, my Beloved, am I NOT worth the effort?”

Off she goes……

Sloth? Acedia? Laziness? Lethargy?

10 Monday Oct 2016

Posted by David in Classical Music, Depression, loneliness

≈ 1 Comment

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Emotions, J.S. Bach, Mental state

  • Sometimes I wish the first time I wake up in the morning would take hold. That I would and could stay awake for sixteen or eighteen hours straight, as if I were 22 or 45 or even 60 again. But no matter, since I’m not and will never be again.
  • Sloth and Acedia refer to a particular type of laziness, a spiritual torpor; disinterested, apathetic about developing a closer relationship with God in all Persons of  The Most Holy Trinity. Every Catholic experiences this at some point. It is part of our humanity, just as our libido is.
  • Then Laziness asks for the floor. Sometimes I’ve just done too much. And some kind of reward, money, a good laugh, a nice dinner,  weight loss, a faster time in the pool, or passionate love-making doesn’t appear. I’m disappointed and disaffected. I ask why I even bothered to make the effort, to even care.
  • Then the Lethargy sets in. I’m there now. I just want a little magic. A good nap with an attitude transfusion would fit the bill. I received from Amazon, via UPS, a CD of Glenn Could performing Bach’s Goldberg Variations, BWV988.  This will more than do for magic.

Flashback To 1979, Formerly Titled Saint-Saens Flashback

21 Thursday Jul 2016

Posted by David in Classical Music, food, memoir, seduction

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Olds F-85, Saint-Saens

The Compact Disc set arrived yesterday. I have always been a fan of the Saint-Saens Piano Concerti from the time I first heard them back in 1979.  However, until I put the first of the discs in the player yesterday afternoon, and heard the french horns open the Concerto #1 with the orchestral response, I didn’t realize how deeply this music had affected me.

You see, it was the background music of an affair, of a romance that morphed into a marriage.    I don’t know the precisely first time I heard them. The pianist on that first recording , on vinyl, of course, was Aldo Ciccolini,  a great interpreter of Saint-Saens.  What I remember was a dinner at her house. There were grilled chicken breasts, and a salad with slivered almonds and mandarin oranges on romaine, tossed with olive oil, lemon juice and parmesan cheese. Rice? Perhaps. Memory goes in and out. But there was wine, dry white wine, that generic “Chablis” that came in a three liter jug. She was very genteel and tastefully decanted that dreadful swill into a lovely decanter with a lovely stopper, etched glass at the base with a solid glass sphere atop it. The dinner and the music were pleasant and cordial. We talked of our pasts. I came with the baggage of a broken marriage, she with a live-in relationship that did not end well. We drank more wine. We were not yet lovers.

To reciprocate her invitation, I invited her to dinner at my apartment. I fixed the quiche Lorraine  I learned to make from The Joy of Cooking.  We had a pleasant dinner, although the news that day featured a plane crash and an execution. We talked some more. Then we made love for the first time. I remember the skirt she wore, a pale blue skirt with flowers on it, in a very light material and it draped beautifully from her full hips. She proudly told me later that she had a “black lady’s ass”. She did.

We went on trips together in her blue 1970 Olds F-85. with a cassette player. The pirated cassettes of the Concerti  went with us. We drove to Highlands, North Carolina to see a friend of hers. A great trip. Sex. Wine. Pot. Music, Saint-Saens.  A few weeks later we drove to Utica, New York where she interviewed for a college teaching position. By then we were deeply in love. I was ready to quit my job and follow her to Utica if she were hired. And again we listened to Saint-Saens in the blue Olds as we explored the countryside of upstate New York, towns like New Hartford  that featured a green town common reminiscent of Norman Rockwell.  We went to Cooperstown to the Baseball Hall of Fame, where we both concurred that one old baseball glove from the 1930’s looks like any other old baseball glove from the 1930’s. We went to the Oneida Community, where John Humphrey Noyes, in 1848, founded the commune that would spawn the flatware manufacturer and Noyes would experiment with a group marriage, what we would consider polyamory today. Plus ca Change… eh?  More Concerti and the  Septet in E Flat, Op. 85, filler on the album, but a perfect gem in its own right.

The music played on  that summer. We discovered we both loved sailing.  One Sunday night, after a day on the water, we made love on her green printed sheets that featured sailboats and wooded islands, evocative of Maine, I guess. That night, I proposed. She accepted. We smoked more marijuana, listened to Paul McCartney sing  Maybe I’m Amazed, made love some more.

Maybe it should have stopped there. Maybe I would have grown up sooner, quit drinking sooner, stopped using sex as if it were another drug sooner,  faced my demons sooner. Maybe there would not have been the penultimate nightmare of divorce, the ultimate nightmare of her untimely and secretive death. Mixed in with all that pain and all that folly was all that love and hedonism and passion. That’s right, our deepest yearnings.

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