I was watching a bit of pornography early this morning. It was a display of large breasted women, seemingly as endless as it was lurid.

Then my thoughts wandered as to what the function of breasts are in the first place. We know the answer. Mothers feed their babies with the milk from their breasts. Yet when women do precisely that, some people get all weird.

We have been dancing around sexuality and its purpose ever since reliable contraception became a pillar of modern culture. I’m not deriding contraception, but it does do an excellent job of alienating us from the natural purpose of sex.

In its wake, contraception contributes to the prolonging of adolescence and childhood

My clock says it’s 3:33. Maybe that’s the diet version of 666 , with only half of the demonic evil.

I went to bed early. Then I awoke and went in the other room, tried to sleep there, but came downstairs and watched pointless videos on Internet Archive. I would scroll through, hoping to find anything to watch.

Yesterday evening, I made macaroni and cheese from scratch, just to be doing something. Tasted pretty good too.

The sadness persists. The loneliness. I’m going back to bed.

There is this thing called The Internet Archive. All sorts of information, documents, software, film,have been uploaded. One can watch a wealth of stuff, Free.

People have uploaded sex education videos from the Eighties and Nineties, not “birds and bees” discussions, once the basis for “health” education classes of middle school, but advanced topics, like tantric sexuality These videos are chock full of gratuitous nudity. Apparently, ugly people, with bad hairstyles or missing teeth, don’t have sex.

There’s lots of flute music and pretty pictures, plenty of soft focus shots of flowing, rippling water.Lots of talk about energy and chakras fill the tantric videos. Nobody has to be at work the next day. It’s all perfect, like Walt Disney World or The Villages, Florida.

Plenty of talk about sex, but no mention of conception, pregnancy or babies, as if the domains of sexuality and babies are separated by a brick wall, or, at the very least, a latex barrier. This is how we think today. Thank you, Hugh Hefner. Much obliged, Big Pharma. But just how the Hell does one live consciously while denying one has nothing to do with the other?

When one gets old and procreation is no longer a possibility, there is an emptiness that golf, needlework, fishing or shopping can’t fill. That’s the whole point of it., the sex, I mean.

It’s been awhile. I’ve just been busy, avoiding doing things that afford me satisfaction, like writing the blog, exercising, going to Church. Don’t ask me why. I suspect I have a Puritan’s fear of happiness, as H. L. Mencken pointed out.

I’m going through the annoying experience of a pinched nerve that comes when it chooses and leaves just as capriciously. This evening, before dark, #1Son and his dog, Lila, came by to walk with me. He was quite surprised at the pace I can maintain. I noticed some balance issues, that I can’t quite figure out, but I don’t fall over or down, so we’ll see where this goes.

I want to get back in the pool, and resume getting rid of junk and clutter. I think it better to just get rid of stuff and not not the deep psychological, emotional, and spiritual issues underlying the predicament.

Bedtime soon. I will put laundry in the dryer and go to bed.