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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Category Archives: Relationships

Morning’s End

12 Saturday Oct 2019

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

love

We are five minutes away from noon on a strange morning for me. I have a hunger, not from the belly, but rather the heart.

I feel what is missing, an embrace, a gift of time. We two have not been one far too long as the fissure broadens to a gap.

How did we get so busy?

How did we let fear win?

Why did we choose to risk….

nothing?

Awake at Midnight

21 Wednesday Aug 2019

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

#Carnal Relations, Dreams, sleep

Sexual Content. Be Advised.

I was so tired last evening, I went to bed at 8:30. I slept for four hours, had a dream in which I spanked J, her skirt raised, she was wearing pantyhose, nothing else, and in the dream, I did not feel like rolling them down to expose her naked buttocks. This is pretty explicit, as far as my dreaming goes, The spanking took place in my old apartment, where we first made love.

So thoughts are bubbling up. That I went up early means something. That I was with her, rather than downstairs channel-surfing YouTube, is the other main point.

Talking about sex is still the Mount Everest of our marriage. We have to climb that mountain together. The big deal for me now is I have to not be nice. Talk about climbing Mt Everest!

Daddy/little girl

13 Tuesday Aug 2019

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

#DD/lg

I mentioned in a comment that I had a light bulb moment around J. It’s taken some thinking and dot connecting, but I believe she is a “little”. She likes me to take care of her. At one point, she had a stuffed lamb and a stuffed bunny, plus some Beanie Babies© and the Taco Bell© Chihuahua. (¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!) When she was a little girl she had two Chihuahuas, Spot and Chico. I gave her some refrigerator magnets with a Fun With Dick And Jane theme that she loved. Her favorite television shows are nostalgic, sweet, and sentimental, Andy Griffith, The Waltons, Little House. Green Acres, I Love Lucy. The appeal of The Bachelor is its naïve theme of falling in love, kind of the way a thirteen or fourteen year old girl would imagine it to be. She likes her cookies at night.

Doing the income-earning thing is not her cup of tea. She comes home exhausted not merely from the physical demands, but by all the requisite “adulting” that comes with the job, I suspect. She likes Sudoku puzzles. I’m wondering if she would like to color. I think she is probably 12-13 in her little persona.

I realize this is probably an amateurish and incomplete assessment. But I notice I feel like her “Daddy” a lot. Her own father was a good and decent man, a soldier, very much of a modern day knight. She would never, ever, have “sexualized” him, but I don’t think she gets she has this hidden, inner need that is not a true Daddy-daughter relationship, but a working framework whereby love is expressed.

She put her stuffies away, off the bed. Since I make the bed most mornings, I wonder what would happen if they found their way back?

I don’t think I would have reached this conclusion without the help of Jadescastle at The Chrysantthemum and The Sword and Mrs McDaddy at The Succulent Savage. Thanks.

Evening Ramble

09 Friday Aug 2019

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Psychiatry

Today, J and I did stuff together when her work day was over. We did mundane stuff like go to the gas station, then a late lunch, then to Target to pick up drugs for me, (my regular maintenance drugs, nothing cool), and then to my semiannual psychiatric visit.

Lunch was at Red Lobster. We both had wood-grilled shrimp on a skewer. They were pretty good. The server was a nice guy. His amiable personality was worth the price of the meal. Target was a quick trip. I like this particular Target, because it’s where The Tattooed People shop and I wanted to check out the ink. One woman had a nice half sleeve but I couldn’t get but a half way glance.

Then to the psychiatrist. We drove through parts of the City/County area that were undergoing new construction in both political subdivisions. There was this ginormous thing with very tall nets that were part of a golf thing. I don’t play golf, so I didn’t know such a structure was being built.

In Virginia, hard liquor sales are a state monopoly. We drove by the liquor warehouses, that will be relocated and a fancy new ball park will be put up on the old site. Ramshackle abandoned buildings have been razed to make way for Wa-Wa convenience stores.

We arrived at the offices, part of VCU’s new pediatric mental health facility. The old one was built in the 1960’s and looked like it used blueprints for a facility built somewhere in the old Soviet bloc. It had a certain gulag quality about it. If the kid wasn’t crazy when he got there, he would have been shortly thereafter.

The new facility is modern, spacious, clean and cheerful. It was money well-spent. The building, even in its lobby and waiting area reflect hope. My pediatric psychiatrist has mostly pediatric patients, but I have seen him since my younger son was his patient. It’s an accommodation that works. He’s a good guy. I’m honest with him And it’s a good relationship. He is about my age.I told him I had some despair that seemed to be related to inactivity and sleep deprivation. I will track my physical activity and my sleep patterns to see if the issue resolves itself. If not, we will reassess the meds.

J and I drove home. She is exhausted from her work schedule. She is resting. I’m writing.

Funny how attitudes can shift quickly if one is committed to one’s partner.

I had a mango/ Greek yogurt smoothie with a little coconut milk, wheat germ and maple syrup. It is all I wanted for dinner.

A train pulled in on the YouTube channel. It discharged passengers in Ashland on its way to Richmond.

Tired.Bedtime.

Why I Am Frustrated

28 Sunday Apr 2019

Posted by David in Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Communicating

J: “Do you want me to get up?”

Odd. It is nearly noon on a Sunday. I have been up myself for maybe two hours after a restless, pain-filled night.

We are going to brunch at a pleasant restaurant.

I don’t expect my wife to be a mindreader,but there are certain “givens” in a marriage that she hasn’t quite picked up on. Like a man wants his wife to want to be with him. After she sleeps til noon she bloody well should know her presence is expected. And she should look nice, too, especially since she wants to go jewellery shopping after brunch.

So stuff needs to be said. But she has a way of acting when I express my needs, wants, and desires that has me wishing inwardly that I should have kept quiet.

So here goes. Time to get ready.

Home: The Clean-up

09 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by David in Relationships, The Villages, Travel

≈ 2 Comments

Going away involves getting the dirty clothes from the trip washed when one returns home. I am doing that now.

I talked with #1 son last night. He wants to do more stuff with me. No problem there. He is far more emotional than I am and gives me feedback like it’s OK to cry. He told me he has a greater sense of my stepmother in his his life than my mother. Mother died in 1995, when he was 19. Dorothy, my stepmother, has been in the family since 1998, or twenty-one years. so he is right. My perspective is much broader, naturally. His concern around her current illness is quite painful for him. She is the last of the grandparents and step-grandparents in his life. Her passing will represent the final act of the Greatest Generation.

I have a post planned around the billboards I saw on the trip from The Villages through to our first stop in Macon, GA. In short, it seemed the ads for porn shops, liquor, erectile dysfunction treatments, hormone replacement therapy, HIV testing, and pro-life concerns outnumbered the usual exhortations to accept Jesus, once the billboard mainstay of the Bible Belt. Sexual liberation, it seems, is not without complications or limitations.

So I am tired. And hungry. I will have dinner with J when she gets off work at 2:30. I am incredibly glad to be home. I feel like I have been away from everyone here, my cyber-family.

Home

09 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by David in Family, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Emotional_exhaustion

I am home from this trip to Florida. The trip back transpired over two days, stopping in Georgia and North Carolina. I drove through the Durham area, where my deceased ex-wife grew up and where her family lived when we were married. I thought about my failure as a husband in that marriage.

Upon my return, I learned my 93-year old stepmother is in hospital with congestive heart failure.

Also my first wife, mother of my elder son is moving back to Richmond.

My life is taking on the makings of a movie on The Hallmark Channel.

I am tired. Physically. Emotionally I am overwhelmed.

Tuesday

27 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

# blogging

Finally took a Zyrtec© for my allergies which are bothering me. With any luck I might feel better.

So it has been an OK day. I slept between 7 and 11 AM. J came home from work. We went to lunch. I didn’t have much energy and took an afternoon nap.

#2 Son C**d is having lunch with me tomorrow. I always feel better when we get together.

Somehow a day isn’t complete without checking in with my blogosphere friends. Love might be too strong a word to describe relationships with people I have never met in person. Yet love fits how I feel.

Waffles. Homemade. Yummy

21 Thursday Mar 2019

Posted by David in cooking, Relationships

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

#waffles, Weight Watchers

I have a waffle recipe from a 13 year old Weight Watchers© Cookbook. It uses beaten egg whites to make them nice and fluffy. It takes a little planning and organizing to make it work. One must

  1. Mix the dry ingredients
  2. Mix the sugar, egg yolks, and buttermilk or yogurt together.
  3. Beat the egg whites until stiff and fold them into the combined wet & dry ingredients listed in 1 & 2.
  4. Cook in your hot waffle maker.

Notice I didn’t put in quantities of ingredients or any other useful information. Not smart on my part. Here is the cookbook:

Weight Watchers© New Complete Cookbook. Wiley Publishing (Hoboken, NJ) 2006

Buttermilk Pancakes pg.91. Use the waffle modification,

It helps to be in a relationship so you don’t eat all of the waffles yourself in one sitting.

I suggest you either a) get into a relationship , if not in one already, or b) store cooked waffles in refrigerator or freezer.

There is no reason why you can’t both be in a relationship and store the uneaten waffles.

You need any other tips for successful living? Make comments below. I will try to help as best I can.

Year End.

31 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by David in Relationships, Sexuality

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

marriage

I am sitting here, comfortable, warm, indolent, desirous.

Do I risk everything in 2019 to make my marriage a marriage? You know, a relationship with physical intimacy. But here’s the kicker to that. The physical intimacy is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. In order for the door of sex to open, there are other doors in the passage that need to open first.

Here’s the crusher. My pretenses, my facade have to go away. Only I can release them. Yikes! So I am back to wrestling with that conundrum. But then again what have I got to lose?

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