Short Post: A Question About Relationships

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Intimacy. Am I crazy or is emotional intimacy (closeness) tied up with physical intimacy (sex) for any of y’all?

I don’t feel close to my wife emotionally because we aren’t physically intimate (have sex). We are friendly, even loving (platonically) and it’s not bad. But marriage should be many, many steps above “Not Bad”. This needs to get communicated to her,I know. And the building blocks to trust need some mortar, if you catch my drift.

Thanks, friends.

Sunday.

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I woke up around Two AM, was awake for a couple of hours, doing all the usual time-wasting activities I normally do, read blog posts, watch YouTube videos, all with the intention of getting tired again.

I went back to bed, slept til around 8:30, then got ready for Mass. I went alone; my wife was still sleeping. Mass was OK. I must admit I wasn’t really focusing. I was dealing with some physical pain, probably arthritis. The homily dealt with the priestly sexual abuse crisis. I think our Diocesan Bishop Barry Knestout, is earnestly trying to deal with the mess. On the positive side we chanted the Marian Anthem Ave Regina Coelorum, as the Recessional, in Latin, of course. That was the highlight, apart from receiving the Precious Body of Our Lord in the species of bread. When the mess in the Church is hot, heavy, and thick, we have to remember He is with us.

I came back. J and I went to brunch. An otherwise very good restaurant got my omelette order wrong, meaning the cooks just sort of did their own thing. Wasn’t bad. Just not what I ordered, They didn’t charge me. No biggie. I went swimming, did 3300 meters. That is over 2 miles.

Upon my return, I went into full work mode, heating leftovers, doing two, soon three loads of laundry.

I’m feeling tired, but have more work to do. There is more I want to add to the story Journey that I began on Friday.

Tomorrow I want to fix a vegan chili with. black beans and quinoa. I haven’t done much vegan stuff, as in none, but I understand that quinoa has a great amino acid profile and complements well with legumes.

Life is busy, all of a sudden, but good, as it is nearly all the time,

Later, Loves. πŸ’˜

Journey

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NSFW. Unapologetic Pornography. Adults Only Please

ONE

The train decellerated, entering the station, coming to a stop with a groaning of the brakes. The passengers disembarked, not like in the movies of the Thirties or Forties, but as modern, mundane travellers, tugging on the wheeled suitcases, or their backs bearing rucksacks, as if a cadre of Quasimodos had come to town.

Flor was the last passenger to climb off, carrying what was once known as a makeup case. She would have been mortified, had the latch failed, the contents exposed to the motley crowd of travellers, There was the makeup to be sure, but also a glass dildo, butt plug, a butterfly vibrator. and a “bullet”. Most embarrassing would have been the knickers she had been wearing only minutes ago, she removed in the unspeakable toilet.

“Miss Flor?” asked the uniformed chauffer, a muscular young man, with large hands and manicured nails. He took her case without asking. Flor obliged with no protest.

“Captain Lettow is waiting in the car. Please follow me.”

Flor was more than curious and no less fearful. Accepting invitations from strange men on dating sites seemed reckless, but a site for those with “peculiar” interests would seem to bring out the kamikaze in an otherwise sane woman. But she said to herself, “Why not?” as her partner dozed away, the CPAP machine working in the background. That was a week ago.

Instructions followed the next day in a Fed Ex envelope. It listed certain “expectations”, nothing so blatant as demands. In it was an American Express gift card for three thousand dollars. She was to buy a tailored suit, and high heels. She was pleased that a quality shop carried a suit that flattered her more than ample buttocks and that the heels, while high, did not have an absurd spike to them. She loved the expensive silk of the pants suit, a stunning black in the style of a tuxedo, but with a short tailored jacket and notched lapels. The white tuxedo shirt with the pleats and studs was a pleasure to wear, opaque, so leering eyes could not see that the silk camisole next to her skin aroused her. The Captain specified. “No bra.” She complied. Intensifying the feeling she was reliving an old movie was the hat she found at a vintage clothier. It was as if Ingrid Bergmann, Marlene Dietrich or Hedy Lamarr had loaned it to her.

The chauffeur escorted her to the limousine, parked defiantly in a taxi space.

“If you would put her case in the boot, Barrows, Madame Flor will not have need of it.”

Flor was surprised, but not surprised, as the man with the short cropped salt and pepper hair, and the authoritative voice, turned to her, greeting her through the open car window.

“It is truly my pleasure to finally meet you. I am Karl Lettow.” Barrows then opened the door, and Lettow climbed out. He took her extended hand and kissed it. Shaking hands was clearly too plebeian a gesture for this Continental gentleman. It was as if the past 104 years had never happened. And Flor had to tell herself, she had just left a train after a long trip from Savannah, not a long trip from Nice, arriving in Paris.

Lettow stated, ” I had a history professor who had a sign on his desk, “Live In The Past. It’s Cheaper.” It said. Good advice. That has something to do with why you were instructed to use the train. The ride allows one to collect their thoughts, see the world at ground level, and listen to the sounds of motion.”

“They certainly did that Karl, or do I call you Captain?”

“Captain.”

Truth be told, the chauffeured limo ride made her feel partly like an heiress of very old money and partly like a teenager on her way to the prom. But the Captain, The Captain, was the cultured and courteous retired Naval officer, his biography said he was. The decoration ribbon in his lapel was a Navy Cross, she learned from the internet. Could he really be 74? Everything about him reflected the story of his naval and diplomatic career, Navy special warfare officer, and a defence attachΓ© at embassies in the more unsavory parts of a brutal world. In short, there would be things about this man she would never know. Nor want to know.

It wasn’t the classic mansion with the ivy-covered brick wall surrounding it, but it was dignified and imposing enough, she noted as the Rolls entered through the security gate, the guard, a grey haired man with a prosthetic hand, greeted them.

“I see it’s your shift tonight Chief. Good to see you,” the Captain greeted him.

“Cruz’s grandson has a football game tonight. I scheduled myself, so he wouldn’t have to ask for the night off.”

“Carry on, Chief.” It was as if the courtesy so ingrained in The Captain carried through to all around him.

There was a Ladies maid to greet Flor, take her case, and show her her room. She informed Flor that dinner would be at Nine, (“Spanish” hours) and would she like to bathe, enjoy some mineral water, perhaps allow her to fix her makeup. She could choose from several Dior evening dresses for dinner. She chose the green silk dress, with the enticing decolletage, After her bath, shower actually, Greta the maid, did do her makeup, brushed out her hair. Nonchalantly she offered to wax her pubic mound, as casually as if she were inquiring about a manicure.

Flor replied with equal naturalness, “Yes, please,”, as Greta led her to the massage table in the spacious dressing area. Greta was undoubtedly an expert in these skills. After another mineral water, Flor was ready, coiffed, dressed, about to offer herself to this gentleman, this affable and courtly rogue.

TWO

Dinner was as relaxed and effortless as if Flor and The Captain were old chums, not a pair looking for an “experience.”

The dinner, an elegant Dover sole, was delightful. The dessert of fruit and sorbet was a perfect complement to the heavy sauce of the entrΓ©. Florent noted the absence of any wines or liqueurs. The Captain would have his wits about him, she knew with certainty.

The Captain dismissed the staff. He looked deeply into Flor’s eyes and asked.

“Why are you here, Flor? You’re too old to play Cinderella, Liza Doolittle, or even Sally Bowles.”

“There’s something missing, Sir. Words fail me. It’s just that I can’t take another day of imagining, then denying. Imagining what it’s like to be paddled like a school girl, then used like a pirate’s whore, and flogged again.. I want my will and what few morals I have left to be dropped at the dungeon door.

The Captain assumed command. What else could his action be called? It was his nature to take. He took her by the hand, drew her to him and kissed her. Slowly, with building intensity, his kisses fired her. His hands caressed her back. She responded with intensity that heightened with every moment. She feverishly stripped the gown off, standing before him naked. His eyes looked down, she dropped to her knees, unbuttoned his trousers and took his penis in her mouth.

Was this a move in a game, a tried and choreographed pas de deux, or the burning inside her losing control?She sucked his prick, then deftly pulled his trousers down, digging her nails into his buttocks.

“By God, you are a whore, aren’t you? How long have you dreamed of being this Captain’s bitch?”

“Bitch” resounded in her ears as if it were the highest accolade she could receive. Turning him, her fingers spread his ass cheeks and she tongued his anus skillfully, her pleasure, her duty.

Finally, lifting her to her feet, he led her to the leather couch, draped her body over the back, presenting an open, slutty, and shameless view of her cunt and her asshole. She wondered how she would be used, but she didn’t care. Captain’s Choice? Wasn’t that the expression?

She stopped her wondering when she felt a gob of spit hit her asshole, then a lubed finger toyed with her butt, then two, skillfully thrusting, then pulling almost out. She felt so open, so ready, and then his cock entered her anus, just as his hand sharply swatted her buttocks. There was his thrusts, her grinding her ass into his thighs, his wet fingers diddling her clit, his grunting, her deep gutteral noises she had no idea were inside of her.

She felt his semen spurt into her guts. He collapsed over her, kissing her neck. After a silent interval, as his prick went flaccid, he left her there, walked out of the room. And she was alone.

How long?, she wondered, would she be here, on this couch, contemplating her buggering. She was, in this moment, the whore she dreamt of being.

Rest Day

Sort of. I did not go swimming. Six out of seven days, five days in a row are good numbers. So I’m stayin’ dry today. But I did decide more tidying up was indicated. My dining table is now empty of all newspapers, direct mail, and paper bags. The chairs do not have tote bags, packs, or recyclable plastic bags hanging on their backs. The counters are clean. The sinks are clean and polished with stainless steel polish.

St Valentine’s Day was well-received by my two special ladies, my wife and step mom. I gave them both a vase with tulip bulbs which should bloom in a couple of weeks. Plus cards. And my wife got a cornball old-fashioned Valentine heart-shaped box of chocolates, because she is as sentimental as I am.

St Valentine’s Day is about love, in all its ways of being expressed.

People matter.

Victory Or Fat No More

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I have had more than enough drama around my weight. In the past thirteen years I have brought my weight down from the 214-223 lbs range to the 170-180 lbs range three times. I attribute these fluctuations to 1) the idea that it’s no big deal being overweight and 2) taking great comfort in eating. From my perspective, all food is “comfort food”. Finally, in October 2018, I understood that such a cavalier attitude had the potential to destroy.

Back to Weight Watchers (WW) I went. When one reaches goal weight, their sizable resources on weight management and healthy living are available at no cost. NO. COST.

I am back being there for FREE.

What I do toward maintaining a healthy lifestyle is so satisfying, from swimming to eating healthfully and mindfully. Why would I ever want to change?

The positive attitude toward my body is a catalyst for positive attitudes around my sexuality. So, on this St Valentine’s Day, I am going back exploring in the ever mysterious Forest of Aphrodite. I will pack my lunch (healthy, of course) and my compass.

Later, Loves πŸ’˜

Mittwoch

Wednesday, that is. I’m sitting here, feeling very satisfied that I remembered my wife and stepmother for St. Valentine’s Day.

I put actual thought into the purchases and the cards I selected.

In the world of swimming, I swam. 2500 meters, giving 13,000 meters for the period 9 -14 February. I set an ambitious goal of swimming 100 miles by Easter, I may have it done by April 1. Just recovering from sedentary living was a real epiphany. Inactivity is so dangerous for seniors. Truth is, the only times I think of myself as a senior citizen are when the Social Security benefit gets in my bank account and I receive a benefit statement from Medicare.

There are clean, actually new, sheets on the bed. I put a pork shoulder, (half of one) in the slow cooker, with some barbecue sauce, I made a packaged side dish, Zatarain’s Black Beans and Rice. Surprisingly good for a boxed something. That and some cole slaw. Dinner under $12.

I feel like I am about to spin off into one of my Pleasure Of Domestic Arts Rants. I will just leave it at “Doing the housework is satisfying.” Let that suffice for now.

I have an idea for a story. Somewhat kinky, but I just want to use kink metaphorically in exploring loyalty, service, and passionate intensity.

Stay tuned.

Later. Loves πŸ’˜

Tuesday

It was a day of sleeping late, or sleeping in blocks of time 4 hours,up a while then 3 more hours.

Had lunch out. Simple stuff, salad, bowl of chili. I picked up another prescription at the same pharmacy as yesterday.

I visited my AA buddy who is recovering from a stroke. He is home, making progress. He is young, only 45.

I came home, went through some recyclables, tben went swimming about 7:30. I did a 3300 meter swim (2+miles).

When I got home I learned my wife is eligible for her company’s health insurance plan, even though she is only part time. That is a big problem solved til she is Medicare eligible in November.

Tired now. Bedtime.

Night Loves πŸ’˜

The Day

I did go to AA, then the Y, Swam 2100 meters, put petrol in the motorcar ($1.959/gal @ BJ’s,btw). I drove over to the Dr’s office. He is on the faculty at the local medical school. They relocated from a grungy downtown facility that looked like they stole a blueprint from a Soviet bloc prison to a nice new modern facility, in a nice area with open spaces and trees. And guess what? Parking that was a hassle downtown is a hassle here. Go figure.

Driving home, I picked up a prescription, ate some dinner and a lot of fruit. (Thank you, Weight Watchers).

I watched Wehrmacht (WW2 German Army. Hitler, et al) training films. Still creepy after all these years. I talked w with my elder son, (see earlier post). I also did a load of laundry. I’m trying to conserve water. I’m ready for bed.

Good night Loves πŸ’˜

Ongoing Collective Nightmare

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I was talking with my elder son tonight. Just chatting, getting caught up. He said he talked with his ex-wife a few weeks ago for the first time since their divorce nearly fifteen years ago. She had remarried, was the mother of two children 10 and 8, and taught high school math. All pretty routine. Then she told my son that her husband died of a heroin overdose about a year or so ago. Heroin overdose. It isn’t unusual anymore. How horrible and two orphaned children.

It isn’t just opioids, synthetics, but heroin, an opium derivative. Do you think heroin just might be smuggled across the Southern border? Are we doing enough to deal with the ongoing drug nightmare?From the perspective of those two fatherless children, I would say we are not.

Sitting Here

I’m sitting here, thinking of all the stuff I should be doing. I have a Doctor’s appointment at Three PM. It should be brief. I will swim after the appointment. Or not. I could swim between the AA meeting at noon and the appointment. Very doable. Perhaps I could leave the meeting early.

I want to spend more time studying and writing. That was the big discovery for my retirement purpose this weekend.

More later