Saturday Reveries

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Late today, close to dusk, I decided to walk. It was after 7:00 PM when I began. It was clear, with a breeze, and what I would call a perfect temperature, 60° F. The sun was beginning to set and it grew a little darker with each circuit of my neighborhood.

Our vocabulary, definitions, and concepts around sex are filled with irony and paradox. Every time I exercise, my libido awakens and I fantasize as I walk or swim. I’m not just a dominant male, but a dutiful submissive perhaps. As a cool breeze blows, my tactile sense awakens, and my skin is erotically charged. 

With the increased exertion of the walk, comes the eager anticipation of the hot shower, the scent of soaps, cologne. Peppermint, patchouli, sometimes sandalwood. 

The erotic is what we create. It is a bridge to the world, a link to our lovers.

Enjoy.

Botticelli. Barbeque. Brunch.

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It was one of those weekends that couples with no children dream about.  Just time together. At The Muscarelle Museum of The College of William And Mary, a travelling exhibition of works by Sandro Botticelli and his contemporaries was on display.*  Mrs CorC? and I drove down. The exhibition is not huge, filling only three rooms.  I was humbled by my ignorance and my arrogance, thinking I know  what classical Renaissance art is about; that I know what it is I see when I look at such a painting. Sure I can identify The Madonna or The Christ Child, but there is so much more. The contemporaries of Botticelli probably had an understanding and derived spiritual and aesthetic truths from such a painting  than I cannot see.

After touring the exhibition and, of course,  buying the poster, we decide to head back to town. We agree  barbeque is in order from our favorite purveyor of slow-cooked pig flesh, the Hogshead Cafe.   Part of the Southern folklore of barbeque is that a true barbeque joint is small, nondescript, and almost one step away from being closed by the Health Department. The Hogshead is as clean as the proverbial whistle, but it is small and not particularly flashy, decorwise. The barbeque tastes great.  We are partial to this dish called barbeque nachos, consisting of your basic nacho makings coupled with lots of barbeque.  Yummy and a prodigious amount of food.

Sunday comes. We both succumb to the “I don’t wanna get out of bed” syndrome.  Before we know it, a brunch opportunity has presented itself.  We decide the Henry Clay Inn on Railroad Avenue in Ashland, Virginia will satisfy our brunch-related hankerings.  The nickname for Ashland is The Center of The Universe.  I have no reason to believe that it is not  The Center of The Universe.  It is just that cool of a place.  Railroad Avenue is called Railroad Avenue because the railroad tracks of the main North-South rail line of the whole East Coast run down the center of the street.  It’s all part of the experience. We sit on the porch of the Inn and enjoy our brunch.  Two freight trains pass during our meal.  Both are southbound.  No Amtrak trains pass by.  A glance at the Smartphone app revealed major delays on all the North-South trains going through Richmond.

What always amazes me about freight trains is the graffiti painted on the box cars, just as I am astonished at the graffiti painted on abandoned buildings. Whether we like it or not, graffiti is the painting genre of our time, as representative of late Twentieth Century- Early Twenty First Century America as Botticelli’s works characterized Florence.  Graffiti has an energy to it, a declaration for humanity that a lot of modern art gracing museum walls lacks. So juxtaposed with the quaint bourgeois gentility of Ashland with its charming pastel-painted houses roll these magnificent graffiti murals.  That both represent America is indicative of our genuine diversity.

The cherry on the ice cream sundae that is Ashland is the town “Character”.   This particular chap rides a Fifties-vintage bicycle with fenders and balloon tires. He just cruises on his bike around town, passed the artsy cafes and coffee houses, circling Randolph Macon College, the town’s claim to fame. He wears outlandish outfits. Sunday’s outfit appeared to be inspired by the miniskirt. One might call him a “Flamer”.  But What the Hell, it’s Ashland.

*Note:  This exhibition will be in Boston at the Museum of Art from 15 April through 5 July. This is the only other stop on the American tour.  Those of you living in that neck of the woods should consider going.

Burning Daylight

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Even though I am retired, I still believe I have to be doing something “useful”. There was this block on the report card in elementary school that said “Uses Time Wisely”. I knew that one better be checked  or there would be adverse outcomes at home.  Last night, I was tired, fell asleep next to MrsCorC?, while Christopher Guest’s Best In Show was on.  I love that film, but I dozed off anyway.  At its conclusion, Mrs CorC? announced that Downton Abbey would resume in the DVD player. I was now awake, unable to resume my sleep. I got up to brush my teeth.  While brushing, I realized I had yet to pray  The Rosary today. I blew that off with an “Oh well”, then started my flossing.

After my dental hygiene ritual, I went to the other bedroom, put my jammies on and started Bach’s St Matthew Passion on the CD player. It was about 11:10 PM, at which point I said, “Just go pray The Rosary anyway. No way are you sleepy!”. Downstairs I went and began, contemplating the Fruits of each Glorious Mystery; The Resurrection-Faith, The Ascension-Hope, Descent of The Holy Spirit-Love of God, The Assumption-Grace of a Happy Death, The Coronation-Trust in Mary’s Intercession.  Praying The Rosary gets me out of my head and my self-absorption.  Prayer rekindles my love for humanity and my concern for God’s Creation.

So I’m finally tired enough to go to sleep. And sleep I do.  Next thing I know it is 9:20 AM. MrsCorC? is getting ready for work and I am left wondering what to do with the day. Will I Use My Time Wisely, even though Mrs Shanholtz, my First Grade teacher, is not around to report on me?

I’m writing this blog post, perhaps going to an AA meeting, then I’m going swimming.  There’s straightening to do in anticipation of the FIOS/Verizon guy coming on Wednesday. There is dinner to fix.

Busy. Busy. Busy.  Who keeps score, now that Mrs Shanholtz isn’t around?

Propaganda vs. Public Relations.

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It’s been one of those days when a magazine article I read last night continues to unsettle me. I can’t let it go.

I got my April 2017 copy of Men’s Fitness magazine yesterday. In it, along with the handy hints for “losing your gut”, is an article extolling the virtues of cannabis in various iterations. Somehow it is the wonder drug for athletic performance. OK. I suppose.  But tell that to the couch potato toking on the sofa and hitting the Domino’s number on his speed dial. I strongly suspect this article was produced by the public relations firm lobbying for cannabis legalization and planted in a compliant magazine.

Nearly a hundred years ago, the father of modern American public relations, Edward Bernays, had three women light up cigarettes on Park Ave one Sunday. Photographers were there to cover this manufactured event and photographs of these ladies lighting up appeared in print. Bernays was a nephew of Sigmund Freud and he used Freudian psychology in his work. In his Freudian imagination, he decided that a cigarette was a substitute for the penis and the ladies were envious. Since they didn’t have the “genuine article”, a cigarette was as good as ,uh, a pecker. I’m not making this up.

Well, for whatever reason, it worked. Women started smoking, and, ultimately, dying of smoking related illness.

Bernays was quite candid in his assertion that public relations and propaganda were synonymous.  We now associate the word propaganda with monsters like Goebbels. To us it is synonymous with falsehood. Public Relations has morphed into “spin”. We are now supposed to believe that marijuana is a benign substance, at the suggestion and urging of the marijuana legalization speculators, advocates, and entrepreneurs.

Nevermind that marijuana can be and is, abused by its users every day.  Somebody wants to make big bucks off the misery.

Sometimes I Need To Just Express Myself

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Mistress Keyboard is demanding her due as I sit before her.  All she wants is for me to pour out my very soul to her.

1). I was completely unprepared to work in the world of business-to-business sales for as long as I did. All through it I felt the way I did when I walked into a fraternity rush event at a house that was interested only in  old family money and a Social Register pedigree. Out. Of. Place.  I only worked in that environment for thirty-five years. Go figure.

2). Sex without Love is totally inauthentic to me. On the other hand, my sexual desire can  delude me into thinking that I am in love with a woman, so I can have guilt-free sex.  What happens, of course, is that I create havoc in the lives of others and myself. Then  I ultimately fall in love with a lady whose libido is a casualty of menopause. Can you say irony? Still being in love  beats the alternative any day of the week.

3). A sexual imagination (aka Dirty Mind) is a marvelous resource.  It turns the mundane into the exotic in the firing  of a neuron.  Loading the dishwasher can become an exquisite ordeal.

“Have I pleased you, Mistress?”

Where Have I Been?

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It’s been six days since I last posted. Too long.  There are things I want to say, activities I want to recount, dreams I would like to reveal. I need privacy.  I can’t write when my wife, partner, spousal unit is around. I don’t know why.

I have been consistently exercising again, as in 35 days out of the last 49.  Good old discipline. Good old nonkinky discipline. My swimming workout is now 2500 meters free style per day. If I don’t swim, I will walk four miles in my townhouse circuit, resting 2 days per week. It feels great.  Sometimes, while swimming or walking, I let my mind wander.  I fantasize about being in a sort of BDSM “fat camp”, where Trainer/ Dominatrices push out-of-shape males into top physical condition.  Lurid. Silly. But all fantasies are absurd,lurid, and silly to some degree.  Maybe the silly fantasies will find their way here as blogposts.

My cooking has been uninspired,  treading water in the culinary sense.  I imagine fixing a gumbo with chicken, Andouille sausage, red beans and gumbo (aka okra). Okra is verboten around Das alte Haus, but I think within the context of soup I may be able to pull such a daring venture off.

The Verizon door-to-door solicitors came by this afternoon. It is colder here than a well-digger’s toe. These intrepid lads out canvassing deserved some reinforcement. So I finally scheduled a FIOS installation. This means I have to take the lead in sprucing up the old  mini-storage unit we call home in order that the Verizon guys can do their job. MrsCorC? may not like this, but she will get over it. Or she won’t. Worse things can happen.

Life is pretty mundane. No blizzard. It’s been a fairly mild winter with just one decent size snowstorm. But that’s OK. Other than needing roads safe for emergency vehicles to operate, snow removal is waste of time.  It usually melts within a week here in Richmond.  The daffodils, croci, Bradford pear are all blooming or have bloomed.

“Life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone”- John Mellencamp

Morning- 9 March 2017

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I wish I could say my day started at 8:30. But that is merely the most recent time I woke up. Maybe it started at 1:51 when the pain of being in one position for too long jarred me awake.  I thought it would show some sort of noble effort if I tried to go back to sleep next to MrsCorC?; that I actually wanted to be there with her, her, wearing her beige cotton granny panties and her forest green turtleneck with little gold  Brooks Brothers sheep embroidered on it.  But no.  Her nightwear is whatever remains on her body after she takes off her trousers (khaki) and bra (beige) after work. Reality speaks volumes when I awaken in the dead of night.  I do so desire  to love you, have you, goddammit, FUCK you.

I get up, go downstairs. I’m sort of hungry. I rummage in the fridge for the log of goat cheese I bought at BJ’s, find it. I ignore the little bit of blue mold growing on the leavings of  chevre  already consumed, making slices to add to the rice crackers, gluten-free, I bought at BJ’s yesterday. Crunchmaster.  A Master, forgodsakes!  Is there a Crunchmaster General? Is there some little Crunchsub, out there, eagerly yearning for the Crunchmaster to take him/her in sordid, kinky, gluten-free cracker defilement and depravity?  I digress.  I have my little snack, topped off with dates, purchased at BJ’s. (Where else?)  for some insane reason, I fix a pot of decaf, thinking I might just drink some.

Then I go to my tan leather Danish reclining chair and just sit.  I don’t read, turn on the TV, or make an attempt at The Rosary (Thursday: Luminous Mysteries). I just sit and revel in the stillness and the silence.  Finally 3:00 AM rolls around. I go back upstairs with a mug of decaffeinated coffee I won’t drink. I go to the other bedroom, take off my pyjama top and scapular, put on a CD of Schubert Lieder, sung by Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau.  I am reluctant to take off the pyjama bottoms and sleep,  completely nude!  Why? Is sexual repression contagious,  like some bizarro-world version of the clap?

Next thing I know it is 8:30. I am awake. I hear the shower running.  Mrs CorC? is getting ready for work. I get up, embrace her.  She remarks that I am strong. I infer that that comment is an acknowledgement of my sexuality. My hopes are raised  Maybe we will be lovers again.

No Mass

I can only call yesterday The Day Of The Backache.  It never seemed to go away. It wasn’t all that painful, but it was persistent. And I was tired . I took a morning nap, an afternoon nap and was in bed fairly early. I woke up around 3, hurting, and finally took 2 Extra-Strength Tylenol. I got some sleep but a day of pain wore me out for today.

Today Mrs CorC? is driving to Fredericksburg  for lunch with her brother and sister-in-law. It would entail about five hours of riding and sitting and is just too much for me. It was her suggestion that I stay home. I offered no argument, because, as much as I like her family, I knew I wasn’t up for the experience, err, ordeal.

So I’m home, skipping Mass, unless I go at 4:30 or 5:00. I plan to swim in a short. I want to read posts from the bloggers I follow, and have a spot of lunch.  I will write more later.

Putting On The Brave Face

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Life ain’t easy. I hurt pretty much all day. It hurt to walk. Or to sit. I got through a shopping trip to BJ’s and came out with some frozen salmon, a bag of turbinado and a loaf of bread. 

When Mrs CorC? came home I fixed the salmon.She resumed her viewing of Downton Abbey on DVD. I thought I would like this, but it’s a soap opera for the PBS/BBC types. 

The weekend comes and I think there will be quality time together. Wrong.  Oh well. 

There is a saying in AA. “Don’t give up five minutes before the miracle.” I think about that a lot. And I am tired.