The homage to Whitman was irresistible.

Most of the time, we want to kill these little buggers, but I decided to leave this one alone. She is building some sort of web.

But I want to see what happens.

I dunno. I got all wrapped around the axle responding to a blog from someone whose take on Jesus is different from my own. Not that I’m right, just orthodox. But this spider in the bathroom sink is something one can hardly argue about.

The drama of The Pinched Nerve has consumed my life for what seems forever, but is only about six weeks.

I’ve done a lot of stuff. Physical Therapy, alternating between ibuprofen and naproxen for pain management, stretching. I told myself I hurt too badly to swim. Finally last Thursday, I went swimming. Friday I swam. Sunday I swam. After some initial discomfort, I started to feel better. I finally began to feel almost as I did before this little episode began.

Another part of the recovery is posture awareness, as I wrote earlier, Stand Up Straight.

I’m in my chair, waiting for the last passenger train, #97, Southbound Silver Meteor, destination Miami, to pass through. 21:16, it’s going through Now. All of the interior lights are on, especially the dining car.

My erotic mind is still in hibernation. That is stirring however.

Sleepy. Later y’all. ❤

We went to brunch at a favorite brunch restaurant. I had huevos rancheros, my usual selection.

After that I got to the Y for a swim. Then to the 5:00 PM Mass at St Bridget’s. The annoying music wasn’t as bad, most likely because I was concentrating on the lessons, the homily, and the Holy Sacrifice that is the Mass itself.

After Mass I went to BJ’s, bought our go-to comfort food, Stouffer’s Mac & Cheese, Colombian coffee (whole bean), pineapple, mangoes, and apples.

Now I am tired.

It is past noon. I woke up around Three AM the first time, brewed some decaf, fully intending to go back to sleep after just a brief time. But no. I stayed up. I can’t explain why. The night quiet is down right seductive.

Yesterday was J’s day. She needed the trip, the ongoing catharsis after her loss. That it is Memorial Day Weekend and Dan’s death was a battle death fifty years in the dying only compounds the grief.

But we came back home, had dinner at our favorite restaurant, watched our separate television shows, and I cleaned up and tried to sleep. That brings us to Three AM. I was awake for three hours. I had breakfast of beef brisket and eggs over corn tortillas, and some cherries. Oh and a peanut butter cookie. I washed dishes and went back to sleep.

I had a strange dream that featured a crumbling industrial neighborhood, a bake sale for a Worthy Cause, an ex-wife, and a former therapist. It was a proper jumble of a dream.

Now I am awake again, watching trains, feeling pain in my body, lonely pain in my soul.

We shall see what our day holds.

Seemed like a long day.

We drove down to Williamsburg and back. It was J’s late brother’s birthday, the one who passed away on 29 March. He would have been 73. He went to The College of William and Mary, Class of 1968. So J wanted to go to honour him. She bought little packets of Forget-Me-Not seeds for his widow and children.

It was a lot of riding for me.

Then we had dinner. Now I’m tired and am lying in bed after a shower and a shave.

I just wish Lifetime Channel’s Nightly Psychopath Out To Kill Our Plucky Heroine Movie was off the air.

Night folks

Where do I start? The low point, I guess, was Three AM, when I woke up, went downstairs, and sat for awhile. Then I returned to bed, slept til 9:30. Physical therapy was at 10:00 AM. I had already prepared J’s lunch. So I went to PT. It was a bear of a session but I think it accomplished a good deal. There is less pain, both in intensity and frequency.

I ate something for lunch, what I don’t remember. But there were dirty dishes I washed. I cleaned the counters in the kitchen. That needed doing.

I had planned dinner, we had one salmon fillet, (wild caught red sockeye), and some frozen shrimp. So I decided to fix both, with fresh corn and tomatoes; blue cheese dressing on the tomato. I went shopping to get what I didn’t have. I did not buy what I didn’t read or couldn’t use. (Big Victory!). Since this is our eighteenth anniversary weekend, I bought a chocolate fudge pie to celebrate. (Smart move).

Then I went swimming for the second day in a row, first time I did that all month. The swimming helps tremendously.

When I returned, I rested a bit, with ice on the sore shoulder, before I fixed dinner. Dinner was a hit, especially the pie. I washed dishes while watching more Women’s NCAA Softball. These women are all my favorites. I don’t know why, except these athletes seem to be enjoying themselves, rare in sports these days.

I’m watching Thirties Era Cartoons, wacky syncopated movement and all. I might go to bed soon, after the washer is through .

Sleeping last night was on again, off again through the night and the day. I exchanged messages with Jade about my pain. Today, the big difference for me was swimming. I’ve been resisting going, but it is the best activity for me. I swam tonight at around 8 PM. I was slow, but right now speed doesn’t count.

There is more than a little drama in my head, as I have written so often. But recovery, whether from surgery, injury, or alcoholism/addiction is about doing the next right thing, however trivial, consistently. Funny how it works. Baby steps.

Chalk up Tuesday to learning a lesson. Feeling OK for two days is not recovered. The pain came back and the traction helped. This looks like a slow recovery.

I did some grocery shopping, fixed a slow cooker brisket, roasted ears of corn in the oven, and had some fresh tomatoes that tasted like real tomatoes.

I still feel erotically disconnected and probably will for a long time. For whatever reason J is sexually distant. More courtship is all I can think of to do. I make sure every lunch I pack for her is about thoughtfulness and consideration of what she likes.

So tonight, right now, I am tired. Bedtime.

Love to you all. ❤

I got my neck stretched. I feel better. To be more precise, I hurt differently.

But I am tired. And emotionally strung out. I feel the need to check in.

More later,

It is 11:30 Eastern Time. I have been miserable and discouraged most of the day. I spent a lot of time trying to get anywhere near comfortable. The pain has settled somewhat, but I’m calling the physical therapist as soon as I can tomorrow.

I hurt and I have no enthusiasm about anything. As a therapist once told me I’m “shoulding” all over myself. I should be swimming, doing Weight Watchers, tidying up the house, reading serious books, but I just don’t care.

So do-overs are allowed. My sobriety has never been at risks. I don’t have to find a new place to live. A pinched nerve in the neck beats a lot of other problems by a multiple of about a million, maybe a gazillion.

I love everybody. ❤