It is past noon. I woke up around Three AM the first time, brewed some decaf, fully intending to go back to sleep after just a brief time. But no. I stayed up. I can’t explain why. The night quiet is down right seductive.
Yesterday was J’s day. She needed the trip, the ongoing catharsis after her loss. That it is Memorial Day Weekend and Dan’s death was a battle death fifty years in the dying only compounds the grief.
But we came back home, had dinner at our favorite restaurant, watched our separate television shows, and I cleaned up and tried to sleep. That brings us to Three AM. I was awake for three hours. I had breakfast of beef brisket and eggs over corn tortillas, and some cherries. Oh and a peanut butter cookie. I washed dishes and went back to sleep.
I had a strange dream that featured a crumbling industrial neighborhood, a bake sale for a Worthy Cause, an ex-wife, and a former therapist. It was a proper jumble of a dream.
Now I am awake again, watching trains, feeling pain in my body, lonely pain in my soul.
We shall see what our day holds.