I did have the first of what I hope will be many conversations with J about the state of the house. She acted really hurt when I expressed my frustration around cleaning up over a decade of clutter and mess. The Brat/Little Model is something she doesn’t see nor will I bring up any time soon. She had a deep cry and I felt bad about being a hard ass. But I have expressed my self for a long time. This will take some practice.

Jade asked a good question about love languages. I fully get that her working is an expression of love, her love language, if you will. Doing the housework at more intensive level makes me aware of my physical limits, so working a “real job” isn’t going to happen soon.

Progress though. Real love felt.

J watching The Good Wife. This is BS. All I can do is wonder why. But at least I am upstairs.

I have been awake about two hours, forty five minutes. Finally the sleepiness is returning. I’m coming to understand that I need to write now more than I need to read. I need to purge more than I need to acquire. One of the hard lessons to learn in this culture is that nearly all of us have enough Stuff. That’s why t ou see so many thrift shops. I’ll bet there aren’t a lot of thrift shops in Burkina Faso, Guatemala, or Bangladesh. And so it is back to bed, to be beside my wife.

I woke up fixed a cup of peppermint tea. Right now, I’m watching a Buster Keaton movie,Seven Chances, on Turner Classic Movies.

I am worried about Mrs McDaddy. I heard there were fires in Sonoma County. I think that is where she and her husband live.

I’ve been up an hour. Going back to bed

Father Sunil was at the 5:00 Mass at St . Bridget’s Sunday to generate support for the Syro-Malabar Catholic parish that is growing here in Richmond. Briefly the Syro-Malabar Catholic Church acknowledges the authority of the Holy See (Pope, Bishop of Rome), but does not use the Latin Mass (Rite).

So after Mass, I introduce myself, and I ask him about cricket. He is a fan! Priests always surprise me when they don’t have their “game faces” on. He is a really nice guy. I have heard him say Daily Mass at The Abbey. I told him I would be there this morning. Now it is 0316. Mass is at 0700. I have been up about 30 minutes. I want to go back to bed. I have had only about three hours sleep.

Sometimes, when I awaken in the middle of the night, I feel the pain of the grieving, broken, brutalized world. I don’t have any solutions.

I will go back to bed soon.

When J came home about an hour ago, she saw the newly discovered Teddy Bear.

“Dan gave that to my mother for her birthday one year.”

J’s mother, Lola passed away on 26 December 2009, St Stephen’s Day (Boxing Day). She was 92.

Dan, her brother died this year on 29 March. He died of ALS, a result of combat service in Viet Nam. (Maybe from Agent Orange exposure,but the government doesn’t out right admit it.)

Now this bear is even more important, I suspect. Dan’s time in Viet Nam was in 1968-69, when J was around fourteen.

He came back alive, only to die from war nearly fifty years later.

We’ll see where this goes.