Category Archives: Love and stuff

Huevos Rancheros. Oh, And Love Too

17 Wednesday Apr 2019

Posted by in Family, food, Love and stuff

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My wife says I just like to say “huevos rancheros“. While it is true I love to pronounce that beautiful phrase, I do like huevos rancheros, as a meal. I will go to brunch at a nice restaurant and pay top dollar for dirt cheap food. Eggs, corn tortillas, frijoles negros, and salsa for somewhere between $12 and $15, a dish a short order cook can and, probably does, prepare.

Anyway, I bought corn tortillas and salsa at BJ’s the other day. Everything else I had on hand. I fixed my own huevos rancheros for my luxurious at home brunch.

It was yummy. Sadly, my wife could not join me. Or my favorite Word Press girl/woman crushes (I hope you know who you are) weren’t here, either, except vicariously, for me.

Food and Love. Food, we know what that is, except Jesus gave food a deeper meaning, when he stated, “I am the Bread of Life.” We live on another plane, as Christians, because Jesus changed our understanding of the world and the components that support us.

Love, on the other hand, has many definitions, love between friends and neighbors, parent and child, the love we have for our country, erotic love, sexual love. I make a distinction between the erotic and sexual, because the passion of attraction we have for others, need not express itself sexually, in a sexual act. In other words, we don’t have to have sex with someone with whom we are “in love”.

The sexual act can be devoid of love. People have sex in order to assure their own survival, either immediately or long term. Desperate women have exchanged sex for food or the means to acquire food. We have sex to have children, expecting (hoping?) these children will care for us in old age. Romantic (erotic) love is secondary to the demands of survival.

It is very common in all cultures that food is shared with the people we love. Many of us will have that experience over the next few days, some of us at Passover seders, others at Easter dinners. And that these feasts involve a transcendent love, where we thank God and celebrate, sometimes, with the people we brought into the world ourselves, or who brought us into the world.

Tuesday

27 Wednesday Mar 2019

Posted by in Love and stuff, Relationships

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Finally took a Zyrtec© for my allergies which are bothering me. With any luck I might feel better.

So it has been an OK day. I slept between 7 and 11 AM. J came home from work. We went to lunch. I didn’t have much energy and took an afternoon nap.

#2 Son C**d is having lunch with me tomorrow. I always feel better when we get together.

Somehow a day isn’t complete without checking in with my blogosphere friends. Love might be too strong a word to describe relationships with people I have never met in person. Yet love fits how I feel.

Short Post: A Question About Relationships

18 Monday Feb 2019

Posted by in Love and stuff

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Intimacy. Am I crazy or is emotional intimacy (closeness) tied up with physical intimacy (sex) for any of y’all?

I don’t feel close to my wife emotionally because we aren’t physically intimate (have sex). We are friendly, even loving (platonically) and it’s not bad. But marriage should be many, many steps above “Not Bad”. This needs to get communicated to her,I know. And the building blocks to trust need some mortar, if you catch my drift.

Thanks, friends.

Natation Postscript

01 Friday Feb 2019

Posted by in food, Love and stuff

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Yesterday’s swim was epic. I am still feeling it, less in my body, but in my head. I feel that euphoric, lethargic, day dream-y feeling I remember from when I used to smoke cannabis. Very, very nice and I didn’t lose my sobriety to get here.

We are getting a light snow. That adds to the quiet of the day. If there is winter at its best this is it. The closest thing modern, technologically enslaved humans have to hibernation. The best part of retirement is that one can just sit.

I fixed my wife her tuna (albacore) salad this morning, her strawberries, all sliced and sugared. I packed her rice crackers and her cheese and nut snack. The irony of gesture, the many levels of devotion. It isn’t just sweet love that has me pack that lunch. That I am hers, devoted, even as she ignores all passion, to prosaically slog through the drudgery of surviving.

Let’s make magic, then make love.

A Full And Tiring Day.

06 Sunday Jan 2019

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I am tired. I fell asleep in an AA meeting for only about five minutes, but it felt like I had slept eight hours. I could fall asleep in a split second, I think I will go to bed, once I finish the episode of Kenneth Clark’s Civilisation that I am watching now. It is the episode dealing with the worship of Nature. He discusses Rousseau, Wordsworth, and Turner, the British painter.

It seems to have been a long day, filled with time with my wife. Pleasant enough, I suppose. But her world is cerebral, dry.

I did have a chance to swim. The cold water did its work on me. Though I did only a shorter distance, 1750 meters instead of 2500 meters, my body did feel the work. It woke me up, albeit temporarily.

I wondered aloud tonight why Mickey Mouse is bigger than Pluto, this great anomaly in mouse/ dog proportionality. This observation was made at dinner. My wife admonished me that mice were an unwelcome topic at dinner. C’est la vie.

Her world is devoid of fragrance and colour, style. And I am a romantic, a sensualist. Beauty holds the spark that kindles life. I must take the risk to be a seducer.

Thursday

15 Thursday Nov 2018

Posted by in Love and stuff, Tattoo

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I can hear the rain outside and I see the street lights reflected on the wet pavement. Will it rain all day? I don’t know. It is a cold rain, the bane of the South, never cold enough to snow, but cold enough to be miserable.

The coffee is ready, I just ate a navel orange. It was a small orange, as navels go, from California. There was a nice sweet and clean taste. Time now to pour a cup of coffee.

I start another day alone. My wife will sleep another 3 or 4 hours. Her lunch is packed. She will go to work for eight hours.

Another day. Alone. So it is off to AA and the Y in the alphabet of places that fill my life.

I admire of all you who physically love your lovers. I can remember the soft feel of my beloved’s skin, her body ready to yield. And yet she was not vocal about her passion, lest the neighbors hear. As if that mattered.

Insomnia, My Old Nemesis

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

Posted by in Love and stuff, sleep

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Why am I up? I was up at 3 AM, for a couple of hours, then back to bed and asleep for ninety minutes. Then Mrs CorC? got up to go to work and I got up to pack her lunch. Now I am awake again. I watched two trains go through Ashland, one passenger, one freight, and several ear wax removal videos.

Yes ear wax removal. Evidently, given their viewership and subscribers, hundreds of thousands of people like to watch videos of people having their prodigious quantities of ear wax removed. Who knew? There are also videos of people having their toe nails worked on by podiatrists, and their blackheads popped. So we denizens of The Global Village have some, uh, idiosyncratic, viewing tastes.

I really should go back to bed. Yet I can’t or don’t want to. I can’t decide. I could turn off YouTube, then go upstairs, and climb back in bed. And yet, the deep yearning in my heart has me up. I long for a caress, an affirmation that love between long-time partners is more than platonic, more than an affirmation of selfless Christian love, agape. People don’t get married to be just really good friends. We get married to get sweaty with our mates, to be aroused and then exhausted.

My feet are getting cold, my back sore. It is time to go back to sleep.

Intimacy

18 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by in Love and stuff, Relationships, Sexuality

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I have a hunger for intimacy. I see sex, the carnal act of love-making, genital stimulation, orgasms, as a declaration, an expression of intimacy, the two becoming one.

I won’t comment on what I can’t relate to, specifically same sex attraction. But the hunger for sexual fulfillment unsatisfied is intimacy denied. Without love-making, husbands and wives are merely going through the motions. I must also state that sex without mutually felt desire is also a travesty of love. I had a marriage where the mutuality of desire ended. I had descended into a carnality that even I felt repelled by. And so sexual love died, before the legal marriage ultimately ended. It was a time of regret tinged with horror, as I reflect on it, nearly 24 years after that marriage ended.

So here I exist in a sexless marriage again, longing for union and intimacy, sustained only by a love on another level. It is a love, profound in its depth, yet ultimately unsatisfying. It is a mute marriage, bereft of the cries of pleasure and ecstasy. Taking one’s lover to ecstasy is a great gift of marriage. Hiding our passions is the great betrayal of our lover. We speak of “letting go” when we surrender to orgasm. I doubt that “letting go” is what sustains us. Rather it is the “drawing in”, through all the sweaty passions that nurture us.

Tonight

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by in Love and stuff, Relationships

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I am alone. She is at work. It is our anniversary weekend. Seventeen years (17). We had a late lunch out. Then strolling around the mall, we went into Godiva Chocolates and I bought us treats, chocolate dipped macaroons. All in all, they were tasty. But the fun, for me, was in the spontaneity. We came. We saw. We bought. We ate.

Earlier that day, I made the regular foray to BJ’s, buying the usual, croissants, cream, coffee, fruit.

Right now I am more than a little tired. And lonely. We live this disjointed life where we tend to move in different directions. We have been together for 17 years. The only advice I can give to men about an enduring marriage is “Don’t be a selfish pig. It is not about getting your way.”

Night, all.