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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Tag Archives: marriage

Late Lunch

15 Tuesday Oct 2019

Posted by David in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

# lunch, #creepy_movies, marriage

So J gets off work. She wants to go out to lunch. She’s paying. What can I say? We go to Longhorn’s. They have a reasonably priced lunch menu. I get grilled chicken sandwich and a Caesar salad . She gets a cheeseburger and a baked potato. She then proceeds to tell me about a movie on TV last night, featuring adultery, jealousy, and murder, the kind of entertainment porn haters don’t mind watching. Go figure.

Meanwhile I sit through this ordeal, wondering if I could distract myself by cutting my hand off with the steak knife.

I want to have sex with this woman? Celibacy isn’t so bad, all things considered.

Life. And Then There’s Life.

08 Thursday Aug 2019

Posted by David in cooking, Love and stuff

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

marriage

There is the way we would like things to be and there is how life is. We plan, daydream, fantasize or simply dream in our sleep. Then we wake up in the morning or afternoon or even in the evening. We remember those dreams. Sometimes the dreams aren’t nightmares, but when they feature firearms in a display of rebellion, they aren’t exactly the kind of dreams where I wake up with an erection (assuming you are male, females, insert the appropriate physiological response).

I have hit something of a barrier. It is probably no taller or more substantial that that little boundary fence on a cricket pitch, but for me, right now, it’s like the Great Wall of China.

It comes down to this, the difference in how I spend my time doing what I do versus what I want to do. And, of course, hitting the “Reset” button for the change of direction has to be a massive, all at once shift, complete in its totality. This attitude is a prescription for failure.

So I interrupted writing this post to fix J’s lunch. I made more Waldorf chicken salad, sliced some more strawberries, and staged the other components for packing in her lunch kit.

I accomplished something.

I do like writing. I actually like writing erotica. It isn’t quite the same as making love, having sex or fucking. Among those three I think there are distinctions. I’m not up for discussing the differences tonight.

J is upstairs watching those twin brothers, Drew Scott and Jonathon? Scott on HGTV. They are OK, as far as house people go. I am watching the dusk creep in on the railcam scene in Ashland. A train eventually will arrive or pass through.

Hmm, J and I are different. She has to be at work tomorrow at 0430, (0 dark 30). So she’s winding down to go to sleep. I get it.

She plays a mental chess game with herself, around me, wondering what I’m going to do or say and hoping what she does or says won’t upset me. That isn’t exactly setting the stage for spontaneity. I will bring that up. Then again, I have to work on the phrasing, because she doesn’t take criticism well.

“Never go to bed with someone whose problems are worse than your own.”- Nelson Algren.

4 March 1944/1994/2019 A Wedding And Two Anniversaries

04 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Family, World War II

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

marriage

4 March 1944 was the day my parents married. They were married at Third Presbyterian Church at the corner of 26th & Broad Streets in Richmond, VA. It is in the heart of the neighborhood known as Church Hill. The eponymous Church in question isn’t Third but St John’s Church, an Episcopal parish, where in March 1775, Patrick Henry made his “Liberty or Death” speech. I’m afraid this is not taught in the schools any longer, so one day I will post about it.

However, I digress. My Dad was a newly commissioned Second Lieutenant of Marines. They started married life seeing each other on weekends when he had liberty from The Basic School and the field artillery course at Quantico, about 75 miles up U.S. 1 from Richmond. Mother was working as a secretary to an executive at Reynolds Metals, a business that relocated to Richmond in the late 1930’s. Mother got a job because she could type. She also was fluent in Spanish and could translate foreign correspondence.

The War progressed. My Dad was assigned to the 15th Marine Regiment of the Sixth Marine Division. The division was headed to Okinawa where a grim and bloody land campaign was fought. After occupation duty in Japan and Tsingtao, China, Dad came home. He stayed in the Reserve and he split his time between his accounting practice and his military duty. As a result, we had no family vacations at the beach or anywhere else until we were adults. Then our vacations included us children and grandchildren at the beach house my father had built. It was the happiest of times for us all. Dad and Mother loved their grandchildren deeply

Life went on, with all the drama an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (my mother) could bring to the table. Mother herself didn’t drink. You might say she was a carrier of the disease. I think it’s a miracle only one of us four children (me) developed alcoholism and even more of a miracle I found recovery,

Mother’s physical health was always a bit precarious with hypertension, obesity, diabetes, gynecological issues. She had a quintuple bypass at age 69 in the summer of 1988, at the time we adopted my younger son.

When 1994 came around we wanted to do something special for our parents’ Golden Anniversary. I made a video of all the houses my parents alone or with the family lived in. We planned a party for that day March 4th. The day before, my mother fell. It wasn’t just a fall. Unbeknownst to us, she had had a stroke. Twenty-five years ago, first response knowledge of what to do after a suspected stroke wasn’t what it is now. Mother’s stroke was serious, debilitating. She had to use a wheelchair. She lost most of her ability to speak, even though she understood conversations.

Labour Day Weekend, 1995, Mom died. She was 76. Dad was a widower, who remarried Valentine’s Day 2000. He and my stepmother were together until August 2011, when he died aged ninety.

Around the time of the anniversary, I started antidepressant medication (Prozac). I started feeling good and decided that living with an active alcoholic wasn’t good for me, I made a decision to do an intervention on my alcoholic wife. Ultimately I got honest about my own drinking and cannabis use and got sober myself. My wife went to treatment on 6 July 1994, (Mother’s birthday coincidentally). I quit drinking 10 July 1994. Our marriage ended shortly after. I guess my ex-wife stayed sober most of that time. She stopped speaking to me in 2013. In 2015, she died, without telling me she was terminally ill.

In 2001, I remarried, converted to Catholicism in 2010. My elder brother died in December, 2014 at age 65. I had surgery in 2015 that ended my working career. I am a Stay At Home Husband. I blog, manage my health, swim, go to AA and Mass whenever I can.

It will be 4 March 2019 in about 92 minutes. My elder son now lives a few blocks from the building where his grandparents were married, in a more or less gentrified neighborhood. The Church itself moved about sixty two years ago.

This is a time of gratitude that my parents made that commitment to each other that brought my two brothers, my sister and me into this world. I have the life I have, for better or worse, for that decision they made seventy-five years ago.

I love you Dad. I love you Mom. I miss you both. We all turned out OK. You loved each other enough to risk everything for a life together. Thank you. We owe everything to you.

Year End.

31 Monday Dec 2018

Posted by David in Relationships, Sexuality

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

marriage

I am sitting here, comfortable, warm, indolent, desirous.

Do I risk everything in 2019 to make my marriage a marriage? You know, a relationship with physical intimacy. But here’s the kicker to that. The physical intimacy is the tip of the proverbial iceberg. In order for the door of sex to open, there are other doors in the passage that need to open first.

Here’s the crusher. My pretenses, my facade have to go away. Only I can release them. Yikes! So I am back to wrestling with that conundrum. But then again what have I got to lose?

Insomnia, My Old Nemesis

11 Wednesday Jul 2018

Posted by David in Love and stuff, sleep

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Ear Wax, marriage

Why am I up? I was up at 3 AM, for a couple of hours, then back to bed and asleep for ninety minutes. Then Mrs CorC? got up to go to work and I got up to pack her lunch. Now I am awake again. I watched two trains go through Ashland, one passenger, one freight, and several ear wax removal videos.

Yes ear wax removal. Evidently, given their viewership and subscribers, hundreds of thousands of people like to watch videos of people having their prodigious quantities of ear wax removed. Who knew? There are also videos of people having their toe nails worked on by podiatrists, and their blackheads popped. So we denizens of The Global Village have some, uh, idiosyncratic, viewing tastes.

I really should go back to bed. Yet I can’t or don’t want to. I can’t decide. I could turn off YouTube, then go upstairs, and climb back in bed. And yet, the deep yearning in my heart has me up. I long for a caress, an affirmation that love between long-time partners is more than platonic, more than an affirmation of selfless Christian love, agape. People don’t get married to be just really good friends. We get married to get sweaty with our mates, to be aroused and then exhausted.

My feet are getting cold, my back sore. It is time to go back to sleep.

Choosing

19 Saturday Aug 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Love and stuff

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

marriage

Celibate or Chaste? I no longer consider my marriage that lacks a sexual dimension to be a “less than” or inferior bond. It is what it is. And the love between my wife and me is wholly satisfying. 

I believe our highly sexualized culture is a great deception. That happiness based on sexual fulfillment is an unattainable state and rests at the heart of this deception.  

So I’m choosing chastity until we have a sexually active aspect to this marriage.   As a Catholic marriage, we recognize God in all Three Persons of the Most Holy Trinity as a partner in this bond.  Our marriage is our Vocation. I am saying good bye to the illusions of the erotic fantasy world.

Reminders

15 Monday May 2017

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Sexuality

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

marriage

We all need reminders that life on this Earth is worth living.  For example, at Mass, I’ll frequently get a better idea of what Love is by watching the children with their parents than by listening to the homily.  Any priest worth his salt would probably agree.

The best reminders are usually commonplace,  A beautiful sunset, singing birds, a well-played baseball game, dessert.  In the Reminders Class is sex.   It is how I connect and relate.  If or when that physical relationship with our Lovers diminishes or disappears,  the loss is agonizing.  I caressed Mrs CorC?’s thigh the other night as we lay together in bed.   She rebuffed the gesture, but emphatically stated “I love you!”  I have been living with the sting since that moment.   Truth be told, she doesn’t “do” love “that way”, through expressions of physical affection.  In the wake of each rejection, a quest for validation, joy, and fun begins.  I’m a master at sublimation; a long swim, a good meal, a beautiful novel.   A Rosary, quietly prayed, opens another channel for Love to come in.   So deep night finds me alone with the beads.

I read of husbands and wives who keep the flame of sexual love alive. You give hope to me.

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