Love Comments

When I was a lad, those many years ago. I had a “pen pal”. His name was Werner and he lived in Mannheim, then in the Bundes Republik Deutschland, or West Germany. Mannheim is on the Rhine. I don’t know much else about the place.

I have no idea what happened to him, but I get the excitement when my favorite bloggers post a blog,or leave a comment on my blog. Marvelous excitement. I feel like I’m understood.

Sometimes when one of my posts exposes what I perceive as a vulnerability, like a sexual memory and it is “liked” or commented on, I feel particularly validated. The awful truth is I don’t feel loved. I know cognitively, I am. I have a good marriage, especially compared to my earlier nightmares, I mean marriages. I’ve posted this before. I’m just feeling that invalidation again.

Better Day For Sure

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We just came back from a birthday dinner for my Stepmother. She is 94 today.

We had barbecue from TD’s, a classic hole-in-the-wall take away BBQ joint that are a tradition in the American South. The great unifying elements of Southern Culture are evangelical Protestantism, mainly Baptist, American football, and food (BBQ). Most Southerners, black or white, intersect on at least two of these common interests.

Food was good. Barbeque and greens, turnip greens, I think. Then we had Angel Food cake. Nice food. My brother-in-law coaches softball, so we chatted about softball and cricket. Both sports and baseball, too, get the power from the batting swing from the batter’s, or batsman’s core muscles, not just the shoulders.

I went to the Y for the first time in a month. The pool had major maintenance and repairs done over the past month. Good to be back. I really missed my swimming. I could have gone to another Y and swum, but didn’t. I got a 1 mile plus swim in.

So I’m feeling better. The world looks better. We have problems we can fix.

So there.

Early To Bed, Awakening, A Confession.

So I went to bed at 7:00 PM (1900 Hrs). And I slept a solid five hours. Then lay in bed another hour. Finally I climbed out of the rack, dressed, and came downstairs to fix J’s lunch, a reprise of yesterday’s lunch.

Now I’m watching a WW Two newsreel/training film. It is something I have never seen before.They would show the films to show to soldiers in training camps.

I’m thinking about going back to bed. I was watching some sexually explicit videos, lesbians making love. They look like people, not silicone androids. It’s the faces I find most interesting; the faces show the emotion, the feeling. The bodies are interesting when they are real, imperfect. I have been watching pornography, reading pornography for over fifty plus years. I find it simultaneously appealing and appalling. It is a metaphor for my loneliness. There are encounters with true beauty, when the couples “connect”. When I watch, it’s the humans I see. Maybe I’m a creep. Oh well.

Almost Three now. I will have another cup of hot tea before I go back to bed. If it is too cold, it will be the makings for the day’s iced tea.

The day seems better than yesterday already.

Detached

Sometimes I have to detach from the pettiness of life, from the need to “win”, from the internal validation of being right.

I’m feeling that right now. I will see posts in my feed from bloggers with whom I’m certain I will disagree. And my comments don’t matter. They don’t care what I think or if I challenge them, they will dig in their heels, ever more inflexible. There is no movement, no real dialogue.

Meanwhile, while I was out on my day excursion yesterday, Australia took a commanding lead in their innings at the first of the Ashes Tests. The English have a target of 398 runs. We shall see what they can do.

When J was getting ready for work around 3;30, I woke up. Not I can’t get back to sleep. The caffeine from the pot of coffee doesn’t help. The cricket commentators are having a technical discussion above my knowledge of and limited grasp of the game. But it’s a sunny day in Birmingham, so it’s not all that important.

I should make the effort to go back to sleep. But I sit here, in awe of this boys’ game that became the glue of Empire.

I could go back over to YouTube, to watch war time newsreels, or trains, or strippers. But the partnership of Jason Roy and Joe Root has my attention, more than newsreels. Or sleep.

Lunch Prep

I had this frenzy of activity fixing J’s lunch. She likes the Waldorf Chicken Salad I prepare, so I made a batch, dicing the chicken breast and red delicious apple and adding raisins, currants and slivered almonds. I bind it with mayonnaise. I sliced strawberries for her. With hummus and a Sargento Balanced Break, she should be in good shape.

I cleaned up. Now I’m sitting, tired again.

Half-Day Tripper

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Tomorrow is my brother-in-law’s, birthday. J’s brother. We met R and D, his wife, in Fredericksburg this morning. Fredericksburg is a quaint, but gentrified, city about halfway between Richmond and Washington. They live in Leesburg, to the west of Washington. So Fredericksburg is a good mutual rendezvous point.

Did I say Fredericksburg was gentrified? That is understating it. The housing prices have been bid up astronomically. There are the ubiquitous converted loft apartments. The downtown has been given over to antique stores, restaurants, and boutique shops. We ate at a restaurant called “Foode”, located in a converted bank building. Truthfully, it had lots of charm.

Across the street from “Foode” is St George’s Episcopal Church. The building with its distinctive steeple can be seen in pictures of Fredericksburg from the Civil War era. The area was of critical importance to the Union’s strategy to capture Richmond, the Confederate Capital. Volumes can and have been written about Fredericksburg in the Civil War. I will stop here.

R has his 76th birthday tomorrow. We had a lovely gathering, fully enjoying the overpriced, but satisfying food. A plate of eggs scrambled with cheese and squash was about $9. Not bad, all in all. $3.50 for a cup of coffee epitomizes the mark-up.

I volunteered to take a group picture for a lovely Muslim family out for brunch. A lesbian couple was not at all reticent about holding hands as they strolled down Princess Anne Street. Just typical scenes of our time.

We checked out a kitchen shop that had a nice selection, including Lamsonsharp forged knives, an American brand in the quality knife market. There were cutesy hand towels with sayings like “I’ve lost my mind. I think my kids took it.”

After the kitchen boutique, we browsed through an antique shop. It was the usual collection of soft drink bottles, furniture, Mid-Century Modern paraphernalia and fussy china. The stereotypical African-American racist kitsch, think Aunt Jemima, from the early part of the Twentieth Century, stood out among the kiosks in the store.

We drove home on U.S. Route 1, a road running roughly parallel with I-95. It was a storied road running from Calais, Maine, at the U.S./Canadian border, to Key West, Florida. There were restaurants and “tourist courts” running the entire route. Today it is all-but deserted. The restaurants were iconic brands like Howard Johnson’s, Hot Shoppes or Stuckey’s. They are all gone now. The tourist courts were the precursor to the motel. They consisted of a grouping of two room cabins, a bedroom with a bathroom. You can still see them, always repurposed to something else like antique shops and always, always shabby and run down, lost time in frame or brick. To take Rte 1 is a relief from the madhouse of traffic that is I-95. One can’t help but wonder what it was once like, back in the day.

Given I have had very little sleep in the past couple of nights, I was an even less enthusiastic traveler than I usually am, which is to say, I wasn’t thrilled about going, but I went. I very much like R and D, I just don’t feel like traveling much any more. I drove a lot in much of my working career. Going somewhere other than to Church, AA, or the Y has little appeal.

When we got home, I took a nap. Now I am writing, watching an Army Signal Corps newsreel from World War Two, dealing with Operation Market-Garden, the failed airborne invasion of The Netherlands in September 1944. This was the subject of the book and film, A Bridge Too Far.

Now I’m watching a segment about DDT, which 75 years ago, was a wonder substance. Now we know as a damaging and dangerous compound, affecting the survival of birds. Then DDT eradicated disese-carrying mosquitos.

I had a phone call from my elder son. He left his gruelling and unsatisfying job and, at age 43, is discerning a new career. We are having lunch tomorrow.

That’s about it.

Sleep Comes To The Old Man

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I woke up at Three AM to go to Holy Hour at Four down at my church. Then I came home, started watching cricket, The first of the The Ashes Test Match series between England and Australia. I can honestly say I don’t have a dog in this fight. Both sides are great, with superb individual talents on both sides.

Then around 7:40 I left for First Saturday Mass at the Abbey. The football players at the affiliated Catholic high school were practicing. Football season is four weeks away, whether we like it, don’t like it, or just plain don’t care.

Mass was celebrated by a priest who seemed oddly “out of it”. I think he was OK. I had never been at one of his Masses before and I suspect this was just his style. He was old, in this case, about my age.

Back home for breakfast and more cricket. Then tiredness hit and I finally went to bed.

After sleeping a bit, I woke up, brewed some coffee and am now watching some film footage of Tokyo, in 1934 on YouTube. Japan was a police state, run by a military junta. It had seized Manchuria three years earlier. The Sino-Japanese War, the Asian precursor to the Second World War, would begin in 1937. Peaceful times, I suppose. There are scenes of Japanese military close order drill with young boys in samurai costume. In all likelihood, these children would be dead within eleven years. The vignette was creepy and simultaneously poignant. Wasted lives on display.

J is coming home from work. It is ex-wife #1’s birthday. I sent her a birthday text.

I feel like I have done enough today already.

Global Finance

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Very rich institutions loan their money and their investors’ money to businesses or governments world wide. Those loans are repaid over time, sometimes loan periods of twenty or thirty years. Now the international capitalists (I don’t use that term pejoratively, but for accuracy’s sake) are interested in a), the return on their money, and b) the return of their money. Therefore political and social stability is of paramount importance. Nothing ruins an investment banker’s day more quickly than a loan default. Societal instability has to be addressed, whether in China, Bangladesh, or the United States, Let’s be frank, drug use and abuse, whether the substance abused can be possessed lawfully or not, creates social instability. Drug trafficking, easily facilitated by porous borders, feeds the societal malignancy that is addiction.

I suspect the ongoing addiction crisis in America and it’s damaging effects on the work force and society as a whole, was a factor in American industry leaving North America. So, about thirty years ago, manufacturing industries began their exodus from the United States and Canada. The overseas relocation was financed, in whole or in part, by Wall Street investment bankers, who loaned money to build the factories and acquire the equipment.

Now there stands the real possibility that industries could relocate back to North America. The loans that financed the departure of industry probably have been repaid. And new plants need to be built and old factories need to be rehabilitated and retrofitted. That takes capital, or as we plebeians out here call it, money. 💰

What we have here is an “investment opportunity”. If trade policies are written that protect American jobs, this should be a win for both labour (People who work) and capital (People with money). Set aside your political ideology for awhile and consider those basic truths.

The global economy depends on people with money to buy the stuff that’s made, from jumbo jets to pantyhose. Americans, whose spending patterns are determined by how well their jobs pay, will buy more of the world’s stuff if they have money to make purchases. Luxury items, whether a technology rich smart phone or a jet ski, to name just two, are made with discretionary dollars. Bringing the higher paying manufacturing jobs back will accelerate that objective.

Trade policies that harm workers impede local and global stability. How much of the addiction crises are attributable to factory and mine closings? Idleness exacerbates despair. A social welfare system may meet some material needs of the economically dislocated, but nothing compares to the dignity of work in restoring and building self-esteem.

Gandhi is often depicted with a hand spinning wheel. He understood that British imperialism had robbed India of her self-reliance. Cotton spinning was about restoring that self-reliance.

Something to consider when looking at the conundrum of trade and tariff policy.

Waking Early

Waking early, I find the comfort of my chair, as the rhythm of The Ashes takes control.

Jason Roy was caught out by Steve Smith and Joe Root walked out to the pitch to replace him.

“There will always be an England”, someone said. As the cameras shift to a view of Birmingham, and this green land shows herself.

An aircraft engine’s noise fills the background. The commentators chatter own.

Why am I up? Is sleep such an unsatisfying state that I spurn it in favor of this splendid game?

Outside my house it’s raining and a thunderclap sounds off.

Cricket is a game for people who have nothing else to do on a Summer’s day, except be lost to time, where sitting and standing are as much of the routine as the bowling and batting.

But I do long to sleep now.