J has had jobs in her life that require maximum “adulting”. Let me mention a few: case worker for social services, certified public accountant, financial manager for a church and the affiliated parochial school, and merchandising representative for a grocery marketing company.

She’s had lots of jobs with lots of responsibility. She ran her accounting practice from the house toward the end and she left messes of work sheets and client records all thrown on the floor. It was as if she couldn’t bear to deal with them for another second. The debris reflected her unhappiness. Now she works a job that physically exhausts her, but she can leave at the store at the end of her shift.

So nurturing from me is priority. She has spent years suppressing her need to play and be nurtured.

This quaint video tells the story of cricket and the love for this marvelous game.

I did have the first of what I hope will be many conversations with J about the state of the house. She acted really hurt when I expressed my frustration around cleaning up over a decade of clutter and mess. The Brat/Little Model is something she doesn’t see nor will I bring up any time soon. She had a deep cry and I felt bad about being a hard ass. But I have expressed my self for a long time. This will take some practice.

Jade asked a good question about love languages. I fully get that her working is an expression of love, her love language, if you will. Doing the housework at more intensive level makes me aware of my physical limits, so working a “real job” isn’t going to happen soon.

Progress though. Real love felt.

J watching The Good Wife. This is BS. All I can do is wonder why. But at least I am upstairs.

I have been awake about two hours, forty five minutes. Finally the sleepiness is returning. I’m coming to understand that I need to write now more than I need to read. I need to purge more than I need to acquire. One of the hard lessons to learn in this culture is that nearly all of us have enough Stuff. That’s why t ou see so many thrift shops. I’ll bet there aren’t a lot of thrift shops in Burkina Faso, Guatemala, or Bangladesh. And so it is back to bed, to be beside my wife.

I woke up fixed a cup of peppermint tea. Right now, I’m watching a Buster Keaton movie,Seven Chances, on Turner Classic Movies.

I am worried about Mrs McDaddy. I heard there were fires in Sonoma County. I think that is where she and her husband live.

I’ve been up an hour. Going back to bed