Tags
I mentioned in a comment that I had a light bulb moment around J. It’s taken some thinking and dot connecting, but I believe she is a “little”. She likes me to take care of her. At one point, she had a stuffed lamb and a stuffed bunny, plus some Beanie Babies© and the Taco Bell© Chihuahua. (¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!) When she was a little girl she had two Chihuahuas, Spot and Chico. I gave her some refrigerator magnets with a Fun With Dick And Jane theme that she loved. Her favorite television shows are nostalgic, sweet, and sentimental, Andy Griffith, The Waltons, Little House. Green Acres, I Love Lucy. The appeal of The Bachelor is its naïve theme of falling in love, kind of the way a thirteen or fourteen year old girl would imagine it to be. She likes her cookies at night.
Doing the income-earning thing is not her cup of tea. She comes home exhausted not merely from the physical demands, but by all the requisite “adulting” that comes with the job, I suspect. She likes Sudoku puzzles. I’m wondering if she would like to color. I think she is probably 12-13 in her little persona.
I realize this is probably an amateurish and incomplete assessment. But I notice I feel like her “Daddy” a lot. Her own father was a good and decent man, a soldier, very much of a modern day knight. She would never, ever, have “sexualized” him, but I don’t think she gets she has this hidden, inner need that is not a true Daddy-daughter relationship, but a working framework whereby love is expressed.
She put her stuffies away, off the bed. Since I make the bed most mornings, I wonder what would happen if they found their way back?
I don’t think I would have reached this conclusion without the help of Jadescastle at The Chrysantthemum and The Sword and Mrs McDaddy at The Succulent Savage. Thanks.
Dispatches From Dystopia 
i’m delighted you had a breakthrough. you should definitely get her a new stuffy, choose nighties that are babydoll or otherwise make her feel smaller. i don’t know how to have a relationship with any type of daddy and not have it be sexual, obviously, but that makes me a really good person to talk to about this.
amazon has a million so called “adult coloring books” and its very easy to appeal to that side of her with treats, and making sex fun. really…you want to know? call her “good girl” and carefully watch her response. Thats how you will know. It makes sense the way you are always taking care of her, and she needs to know if you value that, if it makes you feel good that she needs you to slice her strawberries and be there at night.
She was a good girl and got a cookie tonight. Her face lit up with a smile
This makes me smile more than you know!!! ♥
This is excellent! Excellent news!! Don’t jar her by going too fast into something sexual. Let her feel safe and comfortable and luxuriate in that feeling first. This is great and it’s definitely intimate that you have figured out what makes her special. Now it’s important that you tell her specifically what you enjoy about doing Daddy stuff for her. It’s pretty scary to not be sure if you are getting something out of this.
BTW: at the risk of being pedantic, its the Dads that sexualize the relationship with us. That doesn’t mean that every dad acts on it, obviously. Just sayin….i didn’t sexualize the relationship and haven’t had anything else to know. i just know i make daddies feel good and could make everyones daddy pop out.
Looking back, one way i handled working and adulting was to “work” with children, which meant i could just be me…showering them in love and making safe, happy spaces didn’t exhaust me to death from pretending to be a big grown up. F that. Maybe a different line of work would help? less hours? days off you set up to make her safe/comfy and small with snacks and drinks and her shows? Maybe a nightie like the one from her shows?
Yes. The ideas abound.
i love your responses!!! ♥
i didn’t start letting my little out fully until it was fostered and i knew it was safe. It was always there, but i struggled with it. i worked with toddlers for a long time, too, so that i could reasonably play in the sand and build stuff with blocks and roll around on the floor. i was able to handle the adult world much easier that way.
Some of my favorite things that feel good and are innocent and ultimately sexy because i feel safe and cherished: wearing footed jammies in the winter, having Daddy bring me ice cream bars while i snuggle on the sofa watching my shows, going for walks with Daddy holding hands, forehead kisses for no reason, stroking my hair when He walks by, being tucked in at night.
Putting her stuffies back on the bed sounds like a great idea. ♥ Surprising her with a new one would probably delight her, too.
So glad that my chattiness helps some!! ♥
Let me add, there are ways of indirectly inviting the guilt of Catholicism very easily. Use carefully, my friend.
It’s not called the PASSION of Christ for nothing, and there is always a need to let go of that. If you are a woman, triply so. If she is a sassy 13 year old, then this is going to be very easy for you. Make it an “event” that you chose a special nightie for her. Light candles. Use incense, if you can. It’s evocative. Put some throw pillows on the floor and get on the floor together and tell her how pretty she is. The next time you find yourself thinking something flattering about her, tell her. The thing is thing, David-smart women NEVER get tired of being told they are beautiful, and beautiful women never get tired of hearing that they are not stupid. We live in a world where you don’t get both, together, most of the time. If you are Daddy for her, then she sees you as her Knight. THAT is the MOST important person in her world. Maybe she has been trying to show that by adulting her ass off, being too exhausted, not knowing how to ask for comfort. You have GOT this, David. You were BORN for this. 😀
I’m seeing all of this. I’m excited to know that we have a context to both explore who we are.
How do you feel about the idea of spanking your wife? Apparently, something like 90 percent of people have done that or fantasize about it in the United States. She has a fuck ton of Catholic guilt there. Think about it. Poke at it. How does she react if you are holding her hair in a fist for a moment?
I will spank. She was raised Baptist so she has Baptist guilt. Same difference
Yeah who cares? It’s the Hotwire to engage with
Yep. She is a sexual train wreck. All the negative childhood messages, religious guilt. She has never had an orgasm. This is a challenge for her to see the possibilities in it for her and finally be complete with the oast
Never had an orgasm?? Dear God, no wonder she’s not eager to be sexual. She’s missed the physical pleasure plus all of the emotional release of bonding that comes along with it. How very, very sad.
The day may come, my Dear, when you might have to force orgasms. Taking away her choice, not letting her head get in the way, removing all of her responsibility for enjoying sex and all the crap thoughts that go along with that. Me thinks she needs a Dom to help her find her way. With the aftercare of a man who lover her, treasures her and wants to enjoy the physical pleasures with her… it just might crack the code and make it safe for her let go. ♥
Yes. I have been thinking over the dialectic of BDSM and power exchange. I have made the mistake of sensing that women want parity with men. I have no doubt in the domains of law, educational opportuniy or economic access women demand and expect those things, but at another level they want strong, assertive men. I have missed the point. So here I dig deeper, being The Man for her.
Revelation and change are never easy. I applaud you for trying relentlessly to find an answer to bringing the joy and intimacy back to your marriage. ♥ Of course, I hope that things never reach a point quite as disparaging as yours, but I certainly hope that Daddy would have the fortitude and commitment that you have for J. ♥
Indeed, the relationship between the things women want in connection to equality as a human being and the wants/needs many of us have sexually can only be described as a dialectic!!!
Since you are a writer… perhaps move outside of logic to help find your way. Shift a bit into fantasy and begin writing about what you would like to see. How it would feel. How you hope she will feel. Explore your erotic fantasies as The Man. Use another person to fantasize about if it helps take the pressure off and alleviates the sharing of intimate feelings/desires with your wife. I can certainly see how that would be difficult sharing on a public forum for all to read.
Once again, just the ramblings of a girl who thinks EVERYONE should be loved and feel like Daddy and i do. ♥ I most certainly want that for YOU, too!!!
Thank you. You are a true mentor. I value what you share. I must also bear in mind not to push things.
Pushing is bad!!!!! lol But… guiding is VERRYYY good!!! Daddy just gave this comment a thumbs up. He’s sitting right next to me. ♥
On a happy note… i just cooked filet mignon with truffle oil, fresh garlic & rosemary and baked potatoes in the hotel microwave. i’m so damn impressed with myself!!! Best meal we’ve had in a while… even with all the eating out we’ve been doing. Who’da thunk… filet mignon in the microwave?! lol
You go Girl!