First Winter Cold

Winter always comes in her own good time, oblivious to solstice, confining  you to kitchen.

You let the stove do its work, warming the whole downstairs, the scent  of clove and allspice, become  odors of love.

And the bed? What of it? Do we aspire to a tableau vivant of carnality or cuddle and caress in a down paradise?

And as my naked self presses into your naked self, are we ready for this August baby?

Popeye-Killed in Action 27 November 1944

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Of course, Popeye is a fictional character. How could he die in battle?  Who died on this day in 1944 was Willard G. Bowsky. Willie Bowsky was born in 1907 to a Jewish father and Italian mother and grew up in the New York metropolitan area. He was a talented artist who found work in the Fleischer Studios, run by Max and Dave Fleischer. He drew Popeye and Betty Boop cartoons, soon directing a team of animators. The Bowsky cartoons stand out from the ones done by the Seymour Kneitel team.  The manic synergy between the action and the music characterizes his work.

Unlike the Warner Studios (Looney Tunes) or Disney,  based in Hollywood, the Fleischer Studios operated in New York.  There is a characteristically “urban” quality to the cartoons with street scenes and traffic commonplace. The Fleischer output was sold exclusively to Adolph Zukor’s Paramount Studios.  They developed a patented technology  that had the characters move on a three dimensional background that gave the cartoons a unique “depth”.

In the late Thirties, the Fleischer Studios relocated to Miami, Florida.  The studio quickly fell on financial hard times, exacerbated by the expense of the move.   Dave Fleischer, director of the cartoons and brother of Max Fleischer, President of the Studios had a falling out. The source of the friction was Dave’s affair with his secretary, which rankled the straight-laced Max.  The studio went bankrupt in 1942, was absorbed into the Paramount organization and became known as Famous Studios.  Shortly after this acquisition by Paramount, Willard Bowsky joined the Army. He was 35 years old.  Most talented animators who enlisted in the Army readily found work producing cartoons for the war effort. Training films and propaganda to boost morale constituted most of their output.

Bowsky did not choose that route.  He volunteered for combat duty, and was assigned to a reconnaissance unit attached to the 14th Armored Division. On this day in 1944, his unit encountered German forces near Barr, Bas-Rhin, France. Willard G Bowsky was killed in the ensuing fire fight. He was posthumously awarded the Silver Star and Purple Heart. He is interred at the Lorraine American Cemetery and Memorial.

Bowsky’s story stands out because he could have taken an easier way, but didn’t. Something to think about.

Naked In Our Queen-sized Bed

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I tell you now that naked is good, that all bodies are meant to be that way.

Naked and cuddled. Grasped and groped, sweaty , redolent with sex , slippery with lube and spittle

I tell you that your body was meant to be kissed at every secret place, with thrust and probe, each secret escapes in a moan, a cry, a lurid exclamation not taught at Sunday School, but in its way as sacred a prayer as can be ever be uttered.

Thanksgiving-Thanks Given

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The whole family, minus my niece, her husband and 13 month old daughter gathered at my sister’s for the Thanksgiving meal. Niece and Family were in North Carolina at her husband’s parents, who wanted their chance to spoil their granddaughter. 

We filled three tables. Dining outside was not a problem; the weather was that nice. I ate one plate of food , and felt good that I didn’t gorge myself. #2 son CD’s dog stayed at my house in his crate. He is a powerful pup and Mrs CorC? is fearful he might jump on me and reinjure my back. I appreciate her fear, but I will take the risk. Dog love is a wonderful thing.

I have that malaise again, where I have little enthusiasm for much of anything. I’m thinking my mojo will be working again soon. At least I hope so. 

I am blessed to have the people in my life that I have. 

3:39 AM

This is a short post. I fell asleep in the big bed, my wife by my side, around 9:30 PM. I woke up around Midnight and could not fall back asleep. I made a pot of gunpowder green tea, read some, felt sleepy, but no sooner did I climb back in bed around 2:00 AM, was I awake again. So I went to the other bedroom to try sleeping there. No luck. I then decided to begin straightening this room, which is an unholy mess. I picked up some trash on the floor. I’m sleepy again. Wish me luck.

St Cecelia, Ngo Dinh Diem, JFK

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I would be remiss if I let 22 November pass unnoticed.  It is St Cecelia’s Day. Cecelia was a young woman martyred in Second Century Rome, who sang while her executioners went about their business.  She is now the patron saint of musicians.  Given the importance of music in the Catholic tradition, it is a special day.   Starting in the Sixteenth Century, the Protestants, beset with the graven image hang-up, allowed church music to flourish. We have Buxtehude, Bach, Handel, Mendelsohn from their side of the Christian house to enrich us.  My sister, a church organist, would take my cousin Annette to the Cathedral for the St Cecelia’s Day Concert.  It was Annette’s only predictable foray inside the walls of a church, an illustration of the maxim quality over quantity.

Jumping over the centuries, we come to November, 1963. On 2 November, 1963, President Ngo Dinh Diem was taken from the Cathedral in Saigon where he was attending the All Souls Day Mass and murdered in a coup d’etat.  The coup, we were to learn, was staged with the approval of the U. S. Department of State.  It seems the pezzo novante (big shots) at State didn’t care for how Diem and his brother Ngo Dinh Nhu, the lawful leaders of the South Vietnamese government, were conducting the war. They proceeded to fabricate allegations of corruption against them and found men willing to depose and murder them.  The success of the war against the Communist Viet Cong guerrillas did not improve after the coup. The war “escalated”, to use a contemporary term.  After the deaths of millions of Vietnamese, Laotions, and Cambodians and thousands of Americans, we have the state of affairs that exists today. In a well-documented book The Lost Mandate Of Heaven (Ignatius Press, 2015), Geoffrey Shaw, PhD,  tells the story of Diem’s murder.  The U.S. government does not come off too well. Suffice it to say fundamental cultural insensitivity toward statecraft from the Confucian context of Diem prompted the coup.

Finally, one cloudy cold Friday in November, my Seventh Grade P.E. Class was playing soccer on the athletic field at Westhampton Junior High School, when Mrs. Aron, the Girls’ P.E. teacher,  came charging out. We learned that President Kennedy had been assassinated. I remember it as if it were yesterday.  Some kids cheered.  Patriotism and respect for authority were not the default settings, even then.  The next few days brought a great period of  mourning for the world.  I remember the pictures of President de Gaulle of France at the funeral.  Even the Russians were respectful; the Cold War forgotten for a few days at least.

The future of the country was changed by the killings of Diem and Kennedy. Kennedy’s death was viewed as a martyrdom for Civil Rights for Blacks.   President Johnson used his incomparable political expertise to get the Civil Rights Act of 1964 through Congress. He had overwhelming Republican support for the Bill, true bipartisanship.  1964 brought the Gulf of Tonkin Incident which spawned the Congressional Resolution establishing the President’s right to expand the war in South Vietnam and all of Indochina. The Democratic landslide in the 1964 Presidential Election gave President Johnson the Congressional power and popular mandate he wanted to wage his War on Poverty and usher in his Great Society agenda.  For good or ill we live with the legacy today.

In my life, the first outcome was school integration.  Black children now attended a school close to where they lived rather than try to get to the nearest segregated school for blacks.  The public accommodations section almost overnight changed Southern life. No more Jim Crow bathrooms, denial of access to restaurants and hotels for blacks. Today, when I go into Cracker Barrel and the patrons are split almost equally black and white, I wonder what the controversy was about in the first place.  I could have told you even in 1964 both communities like the same food.

My life from 1969 through 1973 was dictated by the Vietnam War  I turned 18 the day Nixon was inaugurated because January 20 fell on a Sunday that year.  I registered for the draft and received a student deferment.  The draft lottery system was introduced subsequently. My number was 129 and that was high enough to keep me from being drafted. We never questioned what might have been, had the 1963 coup never been attempted.

Penance and $2.04

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Yesterday was Friday. As a Penance, we refrain from eating meat. Penance involves an act which seeks to turn our thoughts and lives toward God.  It is a challenge,  but not so much for finding meatless alternatives.  The challenge lies in choosing to not eat meat as a Penance in the first place.  Vatican II said you could eat meat, right?  Yes, it did, but one is obligated to choose another Penance as a substitute.  Penance, to most people, Catholic or not, is a foreign concept. If one cynically reduces religious observance and the devout life into some sort of cosmic and existential board game , replete with rewards and penalties, it is merely an absurd gesture among many absurd gestures. I see it as something more; leave it at that for now.

Having set the context, the admonition from Mrs CorC? yesterday morning was “Don’t go out and spend money for food I might not want to eat when I get home from work.” Good point.  What to fix then?  I do a quick check of items on hand,and decide on a mushroom and cheddar quiche with fried apples on the side. All that’s missing are mushrooms.

After a noon AA meeting and a meandering drive, debating whether to go to the library or not, I head to the store, then home. I see a package of fresh mushrooms for $1.99.  Mustering all the power of self-control a recovering alcoholic can possess, I pay for them, ignoring all else, especially the Thrift Bakery items. Total for trip is $2.04, with tax.

Upon arriving home, I get out the butter, lard and flour and prepare a pate’ brissee,  from The Joy of Cooking. Making the dough went quite well and I was recollecting a wonderful exchange with another blogger I had about this recipe a few months ago.  It needs to rest in the fridge for at least two hours, so I take this time to go for a four mile power walk around the neighborhood.

The walk went well. The shower felt great. I await Mrs CorC?’s return and finishing the meal prep.  I read from Sometimes She Lets Me, (Cleis Press, Tristan Taormino, Editor)  a collection of lesbian erotica.   Lesbian erotic writing is plain old good writing and not an insult to the intelligence, unlike much other erotic writing.  Upon arrival, she is tired and not completely unplugged from the work day. I leave her to chill and wait for her word to start supper.

Assembling the quiche was easy and fun. I made another major dent in the half gallon of milk I bought the other day, used up the shredded cheddar opened a couple of weeks ago, and got to use the white pepper I deemed an extravagance when I bought it.  The fried apples kind of morphed from rings to apple sauce. I think the Cortland apples  I used don’t cook well for that purpose, but they tasted great. Who cares, right?

My old friend back pain was there through most of yesterday.  But Life is good.

The Breakup And The Surprise Meeting

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I finally broke it off. With Facebook.  I had had enough of the politics, the misinformation presented as fact, the snarky remarks from and at the people who don’t agree with the poster.  I let it get to me and decided I did not need Facebook.  I don’t need to seek the approval of total strangers  and to look for the “like” on a post as if it meant something more than mild agreement. So I deactivated my account. The next day I had a session with my counselor. He’s worked with me for almost 2 years.  I told him of the breakup and he thought it was a good idea.  He shared I’m not alone; that FB is crazy-making for a lot of  his clients.

So after my session, when we agreed that my hyperactive stomach may not be all nerves, I was on my way to the store to buy some omeprazole to handle the physical problems of hyperacidity.  On the way to the pharmacy, I realized I needed to stop by the auto repair shop to see if some knobs for Mrs CorC?’s Honda that my mechanic had ordered had come in. As I pulled in, whom should I see there but RBA, my elder son!  I did not recognize him at first, because I wasn’t expecting to see him there. He was supposed to be in Hickory, North Carolina where he was transferred about four months ago.  His wife told me a couple weeks earlier that he was negotiating a move back here. Evidently, he had accomplished it very recently.

Had anyone told me forty years ago, when RBA was an infant, that seeing my adult children would make my day, I would have looked at them in disbelief.  But it’s true. When RBA or CD come over, or even if I see them by chance, I am floating on air.  A lot of my sadness clears up.  The issues that dog me, e.g. no sexual intimacy in my marriage, fade to the background.

Mrs CorC? came home. We went out for dinner.  I read when I got home.  I purposely left the smartphone downstairs to keep it from tempting me when confronted with boredom when I went upstairs to listen to the Ten O’Clock News news, silently wanting it to end.  The hard truth is that the smartphone within easy reach has morphed into kind of a cyber-cigarette, to calm my nerves, to keep me from truly being with people.  I guess being secondary in a relationship to a tiny little computer just might generate a resentment or two.

With any luck, I will grow up before I die.

Off She Goes

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Monday, I wake up around Six. I fell asleep in the other bed, in the other bedroom, around Three. At least I guess I did. Earlier I woke up around One A.M., lay in bed, the big queen size bed, till I finally acknowledge my need to urinate. I climb out of bed, walk to the bathroom, flick on the light, raise the seat, and void.

I go downstairs, decide a cup of decaf is in order, start one with the Keurig machine, listen to the pressure push the stream of hot water through the plastic pod, then take my cup of hot Dunkin’ Decaf.  I sit in my leather recliner,check football scores, the arrival/departure status of Amtrak trains and sip the coffee.  I start to feel tired again after reading and  pondering the state of the world. I say a Hail Mary, putting emphasis on the phrase “Full of Grace”, being too lazy to get out the Rosary and invest the twenty minutes it takes me to pray five decades.

Back upstairs I go. I position the pillow against my back, start the CD with Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau singing Schubert Lieder. I last remember the fourth song. Next thing I know it is Six A.M.  I brew some real coffee with caffeine, read the obituaries, (my mother’s morning habit), then the sports page. Les Habs, the Montreal Canadiens, lost last night 3-2 to the Blackhawks.  I start a DVD (CBS’s World War I), paying half-attention to Robert Ryan’s narrative of the Pershing Expedition to find Pancho Villa in 1916.  I text with my friend in Connecticut over nothing in particular.

I hear Mrs CorC  moving about upstairs, starting her shower, then trudge upstairs to chill with her as she gets dressed for work.  I tease her about the foods she dislikes, veal, lamb, okra (gumbo), promising not to put okra in the soup I’m planning to fix in the next couple of days.

She is dressed for work, her teeth brushed, her I-Pad charged. She kisses me good-bye, half-heartedly, fearful this morning, of infecting me with some imagined virus.

She did not remind me to be a “Good Boy” today. I never ask what would constitute bad behavior, (looking at porn sites perhaps?)  If she only knew of the porn playing between my ears whenever I wished to imagine it, she would realize the futility of her admonition.

One day, in our ongoing but sporadic dialogue of why we don’t make love, she stated that menopause stifled her libido.  I can only speculate as to why she has made no inquiries with doctors, or psychotherapists, or even friends on how to restore said libido.   She is not, after all, singularly, uniquely, and solitarily afflicted with this dilemma.

“Why, my Beloved, am I NOT worth the effort?”

Off she goes……