People have been telling me to undergo a hearing evaluation since I don’t remember. Hearing Loss runs in the family. So I got a mailing the other day offering a $20 Gift Card at Walmart if I underwent a hearing evaluation, a thirty day return policy and $1000 off the price of two of this company’s hearing instruments.

I call them up. Somebody in God-Only-Knows-Where answers the phone, schedules me for 14June at 15:15hrs (3:15PM). Cool. Later I get a text telling me to show up 15 minutes early to do the paperwork.

“Oh, your wife has to show up too, so we can see if you’re really just ignoring her and aren’t deaf after all.” They don’t say that but they should. One gets the same instruction (bring your spouse) if somebody wants to sell you a time share. Maybe they should bundle the two Time Share & Hearing Aid.

We show up, keeping in mind J has to be at work in two hours. The Hearing Instrument Guy is with another customer/victim. From what I can gather, she is a woman older than dirt, who arrived late and Hearing Instrument Guy begs our pardon and says he’ll be right with us. Only he isn’t. He’s still with the other person/victim.

The receptionist gives me forms, the last question says something to the effect. “Is there any reason why you wouldn’t buy a hearing aid today if we showed you needed one?”

The answer “Because you’re an asshole.” is not on the answer sheet. I’m sensing trouble, an ambush.

Meanwhile the receptionist is trying to confirm if there’s coverage for the hearing aid on the current victim’s health insurance. Not surprisingly, she can’t get a straight answer from the Medicare Supplement Insurer, as if this HUGE provider of hearing aids wouldn’t know this. The other lady’s appointment drags on.

We declare we can’t wait and reschedule. I’m thinking “No way am I going into this snake pit a second time.” I will call up and cancel this appointment, never to darken this door way again. Sadly I’ve passed on the opportunity to get a $20 Gift Card at Walmart.

Later, I schedule an evaluation with another vendor of hearing appliances. I feel slightly more confident. But I don’t know why. This company sold my late aunt her hearing aids and everyone else in the family swore they didn’t do her any good.

Oh well,