Attitude, that is. Earlier this morning, around Four AM, I had my shift at Nocturnal Adoration, Holy Hour before The Blessed Sacrament.

I read a wonderful prayer by St Francis of Assisi around the True Presence of Christ under the appearance of bread. I finished the hour, spiritually recharged. Now, like St Peter, after being with Our Lord in The Garden of Gethsemane, I am denying I ever knew Him. There just isn’t a charitable thought in my head.

This happens from time to time. Chalk it up to sleep deprivation, arthritis, lack of grandchildren to kvell over. But I’m doing an attitude recalibration just as quickly as I can. This might include going back to bed. .

Right now I am watching the train tracks and automobile traffic in Ashland. I will get my coffee in a minute (Starbucks French Roast). I will embrace the grogginess and make a Gratitude List in my head.

Rant is rapidly concluding.

I swam every day this week from Monday through Friday. 5.43 miles total 1750 meters per day. Life is good.

Today I took some of the chili I made yesterday to my 94 year old stepmother, D. She has been spending her days painting. I had a good time visiting. Time well spent.

After swimming, I came home, warmed over leftovers for dinners. I am sitting here, enjoying my day, grooving on the endorphins.

It has been raining for the past two days. I’m OK. with this, given I have a roof over my head, heat, electricity, water and sewer service. It does get a little tedious.

I went swimming tonight, 1750 meters, four days in a row. I am reestablishing my routine. It is nice to be home to this comfortable home. .

I think I will watch some Popeye cartoons

J is taking a work associate to his second job. I have been up about two hours. I am fixing chili for lunch, along with corn bread. J should be home around One PM and lunch should be ready

I’m re-reading the Beauty Trilogy. The first one is better than I remember it being. I’m looking at the books as more than just Jerk Off Fodder, considering more how Beauty and the other slaves think. I’m looking at the whole Dominance/submission dynamic in the stories. But to be honest, the stories still turn me on.

(It will come as no surprise to you, dear readers, that my kinkiness is still a secret in our relationship. I still don’t feel safe sharing all about me with J).

I just finished lunch w J home earlier than usual. I had lunch more or less ready in order to circumvent the need to go out for lunch. The chili and corn bread were well-received, perfect for a lazy and rainy day.

Going to the Y in a short while. I have a couple more things to do, but the Y comes first.

I was asleep, a Seinfeld DVD was playing. I had fallen asleep during the first episode on the disc and I awoke during the last. The time was about 1:30 AM.

I went to urinate, then chose to go into the other bedroom. I read a couple of Word Press posts. By then I was wide awake and came downstairs. I made a pot of decaf. I’m sitting in my chair, wondering why I decided to stay up.The only reason I can think of is that my thoughts are keeping me up. Sometimes I get dressed because I don’t like feeling vulnerable.

When I was at VMFA, getting tickets for the Edward Hopper Exhibition, I decided to go look a t their exhibition of Medieval Art. There is a rather unsettling statue of St Denis, holding his decapitated head. Gruesome. Next visit I will post some pictures from the Sculpture Garden.

I did the things I said I would do, AA, museum for tickets, swim(1750 meters).

I got home, did a major leftover reheating for our dinner. I’m reading books. Leave it at that.

Now I am watching a DVD about the First World War. I’ve seen it untold times. It’s easier to wrap my head around the ambitions of 1914 Serbia and Germany that it is the contemporary US of A.

The swim was satisfying. I’m regaining my self-esteem. I am enjoying another yoghurt smoothie, this time with strawberries and a banana. Yummy.

“I have admit it’s getting better, a little better all the time.”- Lennon & McCartney

I am now up for the second time. I was awake from around 4 to 7:30, getting J’s snack ready, drinking coffee, transporting. Now I am awake again, reading emails, drinking yet more coffee and a strawberry/yogurt smoothie. I am over yesterday’s drama and am ready to create more.

I will to a meeting, then head down to the Museum to get tickets for the Edward Hopper exhibition for Sunday, and cap off my day with a swim.

I’m working with a new sponsor, Oliver, a gentle soul. I just like the guy. I will probably have to step up my recovery by doing stuff like meditation.

All in all, I feel good.

I went to my noon AA meeting today. The topic was relapse. I rarely think about drinking anymore, but food….

I eat for all the wrong reasons. I eat to mask feelings. I eat for the sublime taste of melting butter on a warm croissant. I eat to not “waste” food.

And it isn’t about being too heavy any longer. I’m talking diabetes. My mother had Type Two Diabetes. She was a depressive like me. And her diabetes took years off her life.

So this time, I’m going back to Weight Watchers and I’m sticking after I reach goal.

Oh. After AA I got a haircut. And went swimming. So we’re doing the self-care thing. Nice

We have an abundance of good news today. 1) If our prognosticating rodent friend is to be believed, we shall have an early Spring. 2)Football is over for about six months. 3) I slept almost six and a half hours in one stretch. I reserve the right to go back to bed at any time.

I suppose I will have to do something constructive today. I think I will throw crap away while listening to J. S. Bach. Then maybe I can cry.

Coffee awaits.

This is what I will be doing. Not Watching. Doing any and everything but watching that game.

Care to join me?

Also not watching Lassie Come Home on Turner Classic Movies. Truth be told I like animal movies even less than I do American Football. This is uncovering stuff about me, I would just as soon ignore.

I hate movies like this. I feel even more alienated from J because she likes them.