The last two AA meetings I have attended have had emotional sobriety as the topic. Have I been emotionally sober is the question I ask myself. With the feedback from Jade and Jodie in this blog, my blog posts dealing with how I have made myself a victim on the sexual relationship front have shown me that victimhood there doesn’t contribute to my emotional sobriety. Victimhood feeds into the concept of low self-esteem, which was a major contributor to my drinking. Low self-esteem does not contribute to emotional sobriety.
Today’s meeting was a chance to see my friend Fred, who recently lost his wife to Huntington’s Disease (what killed Woody Guthrie). It’s a slow death like ALS. We talked, reconnected. All in all, a great day.
Right now it’s raining. J has a cold, so chicken soup is cooking.
Life is good.
Emotional sobriety? That’s a new concept for me. I have to think about that one. There is something to be said for monitoring that. It’s probably a good precursor for an actual relapse. I’m going to think about this is regards to myself but thanks for putting it in my radar. Important topic and I think you looking at how that affects you will prove beneficial. Right?
Yes. The alcoholic patterns of thinking and responding to the World have to change. That is what the 12 Steps of Recovery are about.
I think they are just like any addictive pattern of thinking. Good for everyone really, especially those of us with issues. I have always liked the 12 step process.
Yeah. The Steps work.
Some a ha moments i’ve had regarding sexuality via academia: being sexually rejected is the biggest fear of most people and the leading reason why married people go without, there is no way to reject someone sexually without rejecting the whole person, and in a marriage if one person has a sexual need/issue/whatever BOTH people have a problem to deal with together. Sex is a good indicator of many other things in a relationship. Don’t discount other forms of intimacy. One of the things that saved Master and me is we nearly always have a high degree of playfulness and silliness and that is highly intimate. i don’t think, btw, that you could have possibly ‘made yourself a victim.’ Maybe, possibly, you became one. i don’t know. But you damn sure didn’t create this by yourself. Don’t carry all that weight, okay?
OK. The rejection fear runs deep for me. Birth order issues loom large. I am the second child and son, always wondering if I was good enough. Lots of stuff is to get to the core of.
someone should have loved that little boy inside of you so hard that you know you are by now. really. Ask your sons. That is your legacy, David. ❤
Maybe “victim” isn’t quite the right word. It is easy for me to think I don’t deserve the love I need.
you do. you are worthy of love as your birthright.
Succulent Savage said:
David, I wouldn’t use the term victim, either. ♥ It’s easy to get stuck in a pattern of sadness and being stuck when things hurt and feel overwhelming. It inevitably leads to self-pity, at least in my case. I’m glad to hear you’ve reconnected with a good friend!!! Perhaps it’s time to do a full 4th step on your marriage? Have you done one as of late? One of the beautiful things I got from my last sponsor was learning that even though I played a part in some things, the issue wasn’t solely mine… and in some cases, I didn’t actual have a part aside from carrying the pain and resentment. Jade put it nicely that the issues in your marriage came about by both of you failing to communicate and both of you have to work on it in order to resolve the problems. Peace to you, Dear Friend! ♥
I feel like Jade already said so many right things, I want to echo her. “Victimhood” is complex, and you may have gotten stuck there, but you didn’t choose it or do it to yourself. There is so much in your post to think about that – it has stirred so much for me that I can’t even sort it out. Thanks for sharing this.
I try to make my posts relevant to a lot of readers. The “victimhood” feedback has been valuable.