Saviour? 2020

25 Wednesday Dec 2019

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I just saw the word “Saviour” (capital S) in the subject line of an e-mail. Was it from an earnest evangelist proclaiming the birth of Jesus Christ, whom Christians revere as their saviour?

No. Want another guess? OK, I guess not.

It was the topic line in an email from a retailer, asserting that 10% off a gift card was a “Last Minute Saviour”.

This isn’t about a sacrilege on the part of the retailer, the context and the use of the word are perfectly OK. It is just a confirmation that people don’t think in terms of needing A Saviour. It’s kind of a joke to even admit to that need.

The Incarnation of God in human form is what this Solemnity of Christmas is all about. Jesus came into the world to save sinners from eternal estrangement from God. His mission, his purpose was, no, is, to draw humanity back to God, the divine source of humankind’s creation. And of all that is good.

Who thinks they need saving? This is the question. An alcoholic or addict whose life is trapped in the throes of their sickness may say yes. Those who have tried to succeed in the World on the strengths of their skills and failed may accept their helplessness. No longer trusting in their own strengths, they may seek the help of God. They may see their definition of success change and find satisfaction working a job that offers a new sense of freedom and power.

A human trafficker who sold thousands into slavery had a moment of metanoia, spiritual transformation, and subsequently redirected his life. He acknowledged the evil that he caused and sought to make amends for the wrongs commited. That person was the slave trader John Newton, who wrote a popular hymn in the Eighteenth Century about his conversion. That hymn is Amazing Grace. Most of us, Christian or not, are familiar with its words.

There is more that can be said, that needs to be said. But not right now. This is a day to put aside the books, to dance and be merry.

Class dismissed.

Pet Miracle

24 Tuesday Dec 2019

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Everyone who ever said I needed another pet has been correct. Just this dog sleeping near me has made such a difference.

I’m not exaggerating when I say this is miraculous what Lila has done for me.

I may get a cat instead of a dog, a little easier to manage. Besides feline indifference to my opining will keep me in my place.

Merry Christmas. My birthday is in January. J and I will go to the shelter for a new beast.

Lila And My Day

24 Tuesday Dec 2019

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First of all, I am totally stoked over my houseguest. She is a pit bull, strong enough to pull Santa’s sleigh all by herself. When I took her for a walk, I could feel her power as I held the lead. She did well on her walk, pooped, came back in.

I find myself talking to Lila as if she were a human, tbe same way I did when we had Choco The Beagle and Bailey The Westie.

Earlier tonight, I had my swim, did 2500 meters (1.5 miles). I went to a meeting at noon.

For someone who is not a big Christmas fan, having this dog around is all the present I could hope for.

Attention New Yorkers

23 Monday Dec 2019

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For no particular reason, I just fixed myself an egg cream.

I had the milk, the seltzer, and the Fox’s U-Bet Chocolate Syrup. It only took a minute. And it was yummy.

FYI: There is no egg in an egg cream. Nobody knows how it got this name.

This is very simple and effective self-care for me. One day I hope to have an egg cream with some of you.

Sunday 22. XII. 2019

23 Monday Dec 2019

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The big news for me is I got five trips to the pool this week and swam 5 miles.

This morning J and I were at Bob Evans for breakfast, totally an uncool place for breakfast, but I love it. People who do actual work for a living eat there.

J says, “After the Holidays, I need to start watching what I eat more carefully.”

“You mean fewer Tate’s Bake Shop Butter Crunch Cookies?” I inquire.

“Yes, for starters.”

“How about every time we have sex, you can have a cookie?” (Let’s see if humour makes any difference.)

(Imaginary smart-was answer on her part) “You mean with each other?”

The day was good. A nap. A swim. The 5:00PM cringe worthy Mass with guitars ( Do you have a light? I need to burn my draft card.) J and I took separate cars so we didn’t have to discuss the doctrinally deficient song Mary, Did You Know?, performed by the theologically challenged musicians, plucking away in their time warp.

But we are home. The rice is cooking. Dinner will be ready soon.

Building A Positive Outlook

22 Sunday Dec 2019

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I felt tired today, as if yesterday’s tiredness was held over. I went to AA at 11:00 AM, came home for a nap. J returned from work around 2:30. We went out to eat, Hogshead Cafe´, had bbq nachos, their Hog Nachos. Throughout the day, I keeping worrying about the tiredness that I feel. Is it some dread disease? Then I go swimming, have a good workout and the fatigue is absent after I finish. Go figure.

Maybe I am overdoing it on how much coffee I drink. Seeing if I can get through the night without coffee, regular or decaf, after 6:00 PM.

My greatest fear is that my wife, my family and my friends will stop loving me, especially my wife. So I tell jokes a lot so she will want to keep me around. (Note: When I am serious, I am heart attack serious, apocalypse serious.) Middle Ground? You mean there is such a thing?

Right now, I am watching Brazilians at the beach. The Brazilians seem to be happy. I will watch more Brazilians on You Tube, less newsreels from World War Two. See how I feel after about a month, with no war, no Nazis, more partially clothed Brazilian women.

Later This Evening

I went upstairs to watch a DVD with J. She found Season Two of The Andy Griffith Show. Normally, I would listen, not really watch, because of the position of the television in the bedroom. Tonight, the stories just made me sad. I don’t know why.

Right now, after dressing and coming downstairs, I am watching a YouTube video from Cruising The Cut, about the Manchester Ship Canal. More interesting footage of Manchester was enjoyed.

My objective is to get sleepy, think about positive things. Here is a video of a beach in Spain, the Spanish Mediterranean. This should work. Maybe I will try “doing” the beach next summer. I haven’t been to any beach for years.

But the idea is to drive away melancholia tonight. A video of tourism in Albania looks interesting. It is in a foreign language, Swedish. How can I pass this up?

Feelings Return

21 Saturday Dec 2019

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I am waking up. And as I awaken, I begin to feel and then to trust my feelings. That sounds, at first hearing, like so much psychobabble. But depression and grief deprive me of joy. I literally punish myself with negative feelings until I determine that I have suffered long enough. Crazy? For sure.

Yesterday brought friendship, good food, exercise, Christmas preparation, albeit limited. The grief and loss went on hold, but have not left. I went to bed expecting the dynamo of activity to keep humming Friday.

And yet…. I got tired. And then the fear of backsliding into the pit of sloth, unfulfilled sexual longing, of good humour descending into unending riffs on those hated Christmas tunes, Frosty The Snowman, and Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer. I perseverate on those ditties, to J’s dismay and, I suspect, chagrin. I see myself sinking into curmudgeonly crankiness

I was set to swim again tonight, but I admitted to being tired. (Oh No, not that!) I slept, because I needed that sleep more than I needed a workout. And now I look forward to tomorrow and swimming. The activity will continue, with an interruption.

The weekend will restore J and me. We will prep the house for a canine visitor. #1 son’s pit bull Lila*, will stay with us while he and Roberta, his wife, go to Philadelphia for Christmas. J and I will do stuff together because she has actual time off from work. I need this time with her. I will let her know.

*Lila is the sweetest dog one could ever hope to meet.