The closed pool necessitates resorting to walking to replace swimming for my cardiovascular exercise. Walking is a different experience and to compare one with the other is always a challenge.

I walked two miles Tuesday, then 3.2 miles yesterday and again today. I’m working on building up my strength and endurance, but I can easily recover.

One day the pool will reopen. And perhaps I will devise a system to both swim and walk. Maybe weight work and stretching too. Already the arthritic hip is responding well to walking.

The activity is precisely the complement that my Weight Watchers nutrition guidelines require.

Life is good.

I knew the day would come when the YMCA would have to close in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. So swimming is out for a while. I’m going back to power walking. Today I walked 2 miles over my hilly course in 31:55. It is the loop outside my house.

I had been wanting to see if the walking would improve or aggravate my arthritic hip. I would say it helped today.

I went shopping today, for food. It took two stores but I found what I wanted and needed. BJ’s was picked over fairly completely. Food Lion had what BJ’s lacked.

Self-quarantine. One of my neighbours is receiving chemotherapy. Reducing risk for her is what this is all about.

I’m going up in a bit.

I’m in good shape here.

Way back when I fancied myself a film “buff”, I saw a film called Things To Come, an early dystopian, sci-fi flick starring Raymond Massey. It was an adaptation from an H.G. Wells story. The world is afflicted by a global war and other troubles, with the ultimate being a plague where people walked around, as if auditioning for The Walking Dead.

Given that that was the last straw, a new utopian age then arrived, and everyone was happy and there were no cigarette butts or gum wrappers littering the streets. And the movie thenceforth had this beatific glow about it.

I feel like this is what’s happening now. I know we will go back to “normal”, but the new “normal” won’t be like the old. Kinda like the world after the 9/11, 2001 attacks. We are now going to have live with a new normal where pestilence is a distinct threat, from the natural world or through human activity. The truly paranoid among us will suspect that the age of “germ warfare” has arrived. During World War II, the Japanese did bacteriological warfare experiments with pathogens, anthrax, I believe, and the test subjects were Chinese.

Under the guise of an “accidental” release, is this Coronavirus release, a test to assess the potential damage of a germ warfare weapon? What will the next incident involve? And who will be responsible?

Lack of sleep causes strange things to happen, such as this post.

It is almost 1100PM. I am in bed, next to J. We have a movie on, Out Of Africa. It is incredibly depressing. I wonder how I watched as many times as I have without perceiving its bleak and painful outlook.

How in Heaven’s name will I ever be happy? My day was spent preparing brunch for J and me. And the good spirits and cordially was elusive. Her exhaustion ruled the day.

My heart breaks a little more every day.

This is rest mode actually. I slept late and spent a good hour or so, slicing, chopping, grating, preparing a fritatta for brunch when J finished work.The fritatta was well received.

She is exhausted. The stores are selling out of stuff at an astonishing rate. We get crazy like this when the schools close because of snow.

The Churches are having Mass, but the clergy understands if people don’t go. I mean, I don’t know if I have been exposed and I would hate to get some of the infirm and elderly sick. So I stayed home. It is as if. I gave up Church for Lent.

Right now, my body still feels the effect of yesterday’s swim, the languid relaxed feeling of the endorphin high.

J worked yesterday. When she finished, we went to Mellow Mushroom for π Day, (3/14). We ordered two small pies, Great White and Veg Out. I went over my WW Smart Points©. But I suppose that’s OK from time to time.

I woke up about an hour ago. I’m watching videos of Brazilians at the beach. Fun watching. I’m feeling sleepy again. Back to bed when this is over.

I don’t have very much to say, except I feel pretty good, emotionally.

I went up early, about 10:00 PM. I was tired. J put in an I Love Lucy DVD. I can fall asleep to Lucy, primarily because of the music. I’m not feeling any anxiety, which is nice. I did fall asleep, but I woke up.

I did watch part of the Australia. vs. New Zealand ODI Cricket Match from Sydney, NSW. Ironically the Sydney Cricket Ground is devoid of spectators, because of the COVID-19 precautions. Contrast the empty stadium with the 86,000 spectators in Melbourne, Victoria for Sunday’s Australia vs India Women’s World Cup Final, just six days ago.

Decaf coffee beckons. I really ought to go back to bed. Sleep next to J. Bless her. Bedtime.

I don’t know how to begin this. I’m angry at myself for not communicating with J. I can’t share what my needs are.

Today, before I even start to share anything, she says, “What have I done wrong?”

I immediately shut down. I felt so guilty about sharing anything that I kept quiet.

I know. I’m a crappy communicator. But when what I say will only hurt her and she’s doing the best job of loving she can do, I figure it’s best to say nothing. I went up early, slept a little, then woke up, came back downstairs.

I packed her lunch for tomorrow., actually, today. Now I am watching cartoons on YouTube. I made some decaf. Peanut butter on a toasted English muffin is in my future.

I am experiencing a dark phase. Tbere is a lot of negativity, exhaustion and sleepiness.