My sexual desire and curiosity has re-awakened. I’ve been looking at pornographic videos and pictures, reading erotic literature. I miss sex. The last time my wife and I made love was in 2003. That’s a long time.

She stroked my back last night as we lay in bed. I had my tee-shirt on. She had her tee- shirt on. It could have been an invitation for more. Ironically, while my inner life wants sex, my body wants, no, demands, sleep. Maybe the sexual imagining is a way to keep the “pilot light” lit, as I recover from COVID.

Sex has always been about survival, to keep the human race going, but also our connections with each other.

People having sex is fucking beautiful. Truth be told, we always like to watch. Hence we have mirrors.

I’m losing my ability to be philosophical right now, as I recall the exquisite moment of orgasm inside a woman’s cunt, bringing out that last spasm of spunk. Sex is about wanting, being wanted, taking and being taken. You can sort out the “power dynamics” , however you wish, but there always seems to be somebody topping and somebody else being a bottom. Maybe it’s an unconscious dynamic in the cis-heterosexual world, but it’s there nonetheless. In short “Egg and sperm define the terms“.

I remember going to the movies as a little boy, maybe six or eight. DeMille’s Samson And Delilah grabbed my attention, Hedy Lamarr especially. I knew then that Hedy Lamarr was “hot”, perhaps intuitively. Later I saw Sophia Loren in Houseboat. And Hollywood had me.

Worse things have happened.