I awoke about thirty minutes ago. J is at work. I am alone.

Yesterday was a day painful to recall, even now. There was no argument, no shouting, just the omnipresence of her illness, her depression, in all its multiple aspects. She was obsessive in her attention to detail , to begin with.

We went to #1 son’s nursery, to buy plants, before we had lunch. She was concerned that a live plant would wilt and die if we left it in the car too long during lunch, but we needed to go the nursery first before it closed. As it turned out service at the restaurant was unbearably slow, approaching indifference . I did make sure to find out if the plant we did purchase could survive a wait in the back of the SUV whilst we dined.

She believes I am unaware of my surroundings, that a car will hit me . I am, in her estimation, a doddering old man. So she worries about me while I’m simply walking around.

Have I mentioned that she sleeps nearly all of the time she is at home? Since she was once observed by a Peeping Tom the blinds must always be closed. That makes for a dark and dreary house.

Intimacy, what’s that?

So I’m exhausted from dealing with her disease, lonely, because our marriage is consumed by her illness.

And so it goes.