J has had jobs in her life that require maximum “adulting”. Let me mention a few: case worker for social services, certified public accountant, financial manager for a church and the affiliated parochial school, and merchandising representative for a grocery marketing company.
She’s had lots of jobs with lots of responsibility. She ran her accounting practice from the house toward the end and she left messes of work sheets and client records all thrown on the floor. It was as if she couldn’t bear to deal with them for another second. The debris reflected her unhappiness. Now she works a job that physically exhausts her, but she can leave at the store at the end of her shift.
So nurturing from me is priority. She has spent years suppressing her need to play and be nurtured.