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  • 15 September 2020
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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Tag Archives: Depression

Reading Durrell To Make Way For Reverie.

28 Sunday Jun 2020

Posted by David in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Erotica, Depression

I’ve been reading The Black Book by Lawrence Durrell, famous for his Alexandria Quartet. The Black Book takes place on the island of Corfu, where Durrell lived for a time. This is very dense and intense prose, compelling and yet daunting as the story demands more and more of my attention, more perhaps than my brain, recovering from a relapse of depression, can afford to give. My head aches now. I don’t know why. Maybe I need more sleep. I read a few angry sentences of a fellow blogger, whose indignant rants some will mistake for truth. Satan spends a lot of time telling us that both he and The Triune God don’t exist. That is all I can think of when I consider this blogger and their work. J worked another full day, while I did a lot a sleeping this morning. And I truly miss her this Sunday. More coffee is in order. Maybe it’s time to watch Buena Vista Social Club again. For the music, for the poignant charm of Old Havana languishing in Castro’s imposed decay. Mostly it’s time to dream of the love evoked by the music, deep and passionate. Some patchouli incense may help with the mood. I will imagine my lover grinding her buttocks back into me, as I raise the hem of her dress. She wears no knickers as if she wants no fabric of impediment. And I feel the wetness of her cleft, hearing the moan two fingers thrusting in her cunt will draw from her throat.. The headache lessens. The ache is the pain that begs release in the erotic words I let escape. The readers whom I love know who they are.

Gertrude, Alice, Josephine To The Rescue.

27 Saturday Jun 2020

Posted by David in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Gertrude Stein, #Paris, #Self-care, Depression

Working through this depression isn’t easy. It takes work, persistence, and the knowledge that my immediate perception isn’t the reality.  I need to maintain my focus on how I feel.. Am I angry, fearful, lonely tired? Do I need to eat something, like fruit and yogurt that will  maintain my blood sugar levels? Do I need to decrease my caffeine intake? Right now, at 10:45 PM, herb tea sounds like a good idea. 

I need to stop the Great War documentary I’m watching. At this point it is dealing with the run up to hostilities. I switched to Paris Was A Woman, a documentary about women artists and writers in Paris in the interwar years 1919-1940. Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas are my spiritual friends.. Gertrude is telling me to stop trying to figure everything out. Some things just need to be experienced and comprehended with some faculty other than logic.. Alice is sitting there patiently, taking it all in, suggesting I do the same.

Now Josephine Baker is on the screen. Black Genius, beyond dispute, with the compassionate heart of a humanitarian, she is the inspiration we all need now. 

(As an aside, don’t destroy art that you don’t like or what offends you).

These wonderful wise women, speaking from their experience, are comforting this tired man, who, in the presence of their wisdom, is more boy than man, more 16 than 69.

Later, I will break the ice covering my reservoir of Love, and pray for those so keen on destruction, self-destruction especially.

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