I tried. I was in bed by 10:30. I slept til about Midnight. And now I am awake and dressed and writing a blog post. The Great Prostate Exam of 1968 (#Me Too?) doesn’t seem to want to go away. I am making myself crazy questioning my memory.

A doctor visit fifty one years ago should not be a cause for lost sleep, but it is.

I had slept about two hours when I awoke. I dressed, and went downstairs. I fixed a pot of decaf. Later I prepared steel cut oatmeal, Bob’s Red Mill. I actually prefer McCann’s but it is a tad pricy. Now i am sleepy again. I feel sad, haunted by the memory recently resurfaced.

I can work through this, maybe,

I made that earlier post (#Me Too?) and it is staying with me. I have been a zombie for the rest of the day. Fortunately J came home. We have been together since. We went to Mass tonight. In front of us was a cute little baby with her parents. Made the whole day worthwhile.

And I’m just sitting now. I thought ice cream would pick up my mood but now think, just sitting and enjoying my coffee.

People get brutalized all the time. Remember how you felt. That is how they feel.

All over America motors make noise, rumbles, reverberations, humming. Electromagnets, armatures, windings of copper. If I think long enough I can tell you the whole point and purpose of all that, the physics.

Edison, Tesla, Herz, Faraday, Volta, Ohm, Galvani, all the gang.

But for now, I just hear the motors, then the gongs, now the train horn as I watch the Silver Meteor pass through Ashland in the sodium vapor light.

I went to bed earlier than usual. J had been in bed, asleep, earlier, with the TV on. Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. She sleeps with the TV on. The best I can hope for is to have a DVD of something more to my liking than Hallmark Channel.

So I went in the other room, to the other bed. And slept fairly well.

Lesson learned.

I am in bed. But I can’t shut the world out.  Each night I confront my spiritual emptiness and the world’s spiritual emptiness. I am discoursged. I can only resolve to renew my efforts upon awakening.

I’m not anymore.

I had such plans, two meetings, then swimming, then home to do stuff. But body pain took over. I came home lay down for a bit . Now it’s back down.

Later.

J told me a few weeks ago that she liked turnip roots and rutabegas. So Wednesday, while grocery shopping, I purchased a rutabega.

It has this waxy coating to it and a rind. So I cut the rind off it, cut the thing in sections and boiled it til the sections were tender. She liked it, I liked it. We had it with roasted chicken breast and asparagus. Another dinner at home was satisfying and way less costly than restaurants.

I did all that stuff I said I ought to be doing today. I awoke at a decent hour. I went to two AA meetings. After the second meeting, I went to lunch with friends. We are all homies. Across from the lunch place is the site of the school building where Haig (yes, he is of Armenian heritage) and I went to elementary and middle school. Part of it had been demolished to construct medical offices. Connecting with people was great.

After lunch I went to the Y and swam. Now dinner is cooking and J will be home soon.

Yes!