Return Of Sanity II. Sleep.

Well, the boat to Dreamland left without me. J wanted to watch TV together in bed. Sounded good. She picked an I Love Lucy DVD. No problem. I was almost asleep, almost.

Then I woke up to brush my teeth. Wouldn’t ya know it! I can’t get back to sleep, so Popeye is back in service. Olive Oyl, Bluto, Wimpy and Sweet Pea are back too. The brain is working. Hopefully the peppermint tea will relax me and I will feel drowsy again. I will let Popeye & Company do their magic.

When I was recuperating, this was part of the routine. Relaxing the body and mind is as key to my well-being now as it was then.

Christmas is coming. But first is Advent Season, and the beautiful antiphon Creator Alma Siderum is chanted. Christmas is all about hope..

Return Of Sanity

OK, maybe that’s stretching it a mite. But after what seems like months in the fog, I’m feeling better, doing stuff, and sleep is coming more easily.

This election season is over. People whom we should naturally respect for making a commitment to public service, instead act like pigs (choose another loathsome animal if you’re partial to swine). I have not expressed a willingness to kill without remorse since Wednesday morning.

Baseball season is over too. Just no more for a while, OK?

And I went back to The Y. It’s been a good day.

Early To Bed….

I did just that last night, around 8:15 PM. I woke up once around 10:30, was awake, maybe 45 minutes. Then I went back to bed and slept til around 4:15 AM. That’s right, nearly eight hours, Guess what? I could sleep a little longer. J’s lunch is packed. I think I have another couple of hours to get done.

Sleep deprivation sucks.

Broken. On The Way To Fixed.

I cancelled the dental appointment, lack of sleep. They understand. I wrote the check to ex-wife #2’s church for the gardens and mailed it. The recycling was put out and picked up. I tried sleep with little success.

And now. I can feel my heart in my chest, the way it has always felt when I am sleep deprived. I wish I could make positive posts, write some erotica, pass for happy. Not yet.

A Matter Of Minutes

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I went from sound asleep to wide awake in a matter of minutes. Around Three AM, I woke up to urinate. I probably should not have drunk that herb tea. Then I started to think about things, things I am powerless over. And then the loneliness sets in, followed by worrying about getting the recycling to the curb in time, making it to the dentist for a cleaning, getting to a meeting and the Y. Then I worry about dinner, if I will ever have sex again or if sex is even worth the bother. All this internal drama within an hour has me awake and, worse yet, worrying if I can keep my feelings in check.

I went downstairs. While writing this post, I am watching cricket, Afghanistan vs West Indies in the T20I format from India. I am not a big limited overs fan but this is what is available. The uniforms are so silly looking.

Now Train. #98 The Silver Meteor passes through Ashland on time, headed to New York. The camera pans to capture the empty town, illuminated by orange-tinted sodium vapor lights. I can hear only a strange rumbling noise. Is it an approaching freight? Must be. I shall wait and see.

I’m thankfully getting sleepy again. And maybe my heart won’t break. And maybe I can at least try to be happy.

I Am Up

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It is Election Day in Virginia. Both houses of the General Assembly are up for election. I suppose I will go vote at some point. Having lost all faith in Human Progress, I find the entreaties of politicians to be the language of hollow and icy seductions. They will say anything to attain political power or to hold on to that power.

The lie of progress is a sweet one. It works particularly well in America. Absent a faith in a transcendent, omnipotent and omniscient Being, who is The Source of Truth, Justice and Love, Human Progress is about all we have to look forward to. Given that secular agnostics run education, our ears are trained to listen for it. And whatever they say is progress is progress. Artificial contraception, abortion, infanticide, euthanasia are all signs of progress, not moral depravity. We don’t want to overpopulate The Planet, you know, Good Old Mother Earth. As you can tell, I’m not in the best of moods right now.

My head aches. I want to go back to sleep. I slept for a fairly long time, but I guess I need more sleep. I am still emotionally fragile. I guess I will be til I’m not any more.

Cold Hard Facts

I see a pattern here.
You’ve been warned.

This is very sobering.
Fred Flintstone is a completely fictional character. So were Wilma, Barney, Betty, Pebbles and Bam-Bam.
Most likely he did not get around in that car he got moving by running.
He did not have that dinosaur Dino for a pet.
If they lied to us about Fred, what else did they lie to us about?

Awake. Monday.

The need to urinate morphs into lying in bed, hoping for sleep to return. No luck. I dress, go downstairs, fix a cup of herb tea. I feel drowsy.

My dis-ease of late is prompted by thoughts of my late ex-wife. We had been divorced for over twenty years when she died. There is no good reason why I should feel this way, why I still mourn this person. I guess I could prove to her that I am a worthwhile human being, were she still alive.

No matter. I will make a donation to the Unity Church she attended in her memory, toward garden maintenance. The gardens were her special love. See if that helps.

No Thank You

At dinner tonight, J told me about a Joan Crawford movie from 1969 that she wanted to see, that we could watch together.

I told her that Joan Crawford movies, particular her later horror, schlock movies give me the creeps. I’m peculiar that way. So I said “NO”,

Big Victory.