Motel Rooms

I’m sitting in a motel room in Lumberton, North Carolina at 1:15 AM. (Eastern Time North America). We drove four hours from Richmond to arrive here last night around 7:00 PM.

It isn’t a bad room. The last time I stayed in a hotel/.motel was six months ago when we visited Dan, in what would turn out to be the last time we saw him.

There were times when I traveled for business a lot. When I sold insurance, I traveled. When I was doing store sets, I traveled. I had one gig when I would drive to places like Pawley’s Island, North Carolina to set out a new line of paint in Ace Hardware stores. It wasn’t a bad deal. Of course, it wasn’t the kind of job someone with spinal stenosis needed to be doing.

J still considers travel an “adventure”. She likes it. I think driving or riding in a car or flying in an airplane is kind of boring.

I miss my home, my YMCA. my friends, and my routine.

I do like being with J. This is the good part of the trip.

March Recap. April Plans

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We are leaving tomorrow for my brother-in-law’s funeral. We plan to drive and take our time because the funeral is Friday in The Villages, Florida. I am ambivalent about going because I lost a lot of time in the pool in March when I was sick. So I won’t have a chance to restart a regular routine until I return. J likes to go places, me less so. This will be her time, I figure.

In April, I am going to recommit myself on several endeavours I said I would do, but have yet to start. I want to use my film 35mm. SLR camera again. The camera shop says they will help. The guy there has a soft spot for them.

I want to write more, maybe move beyond erotica. I want to be published. And famous. And have the World idolize me for being The Swell Guy that I am.

I want to square away the room I sometimes use for sleeping. I keep my clothes in there. The mattress on the bed is over fifty years old. I want a new one.

There was too much mortality touching my life this month, from Dan (J’s brother) to two AA friends, one from Creutzfeld Jacob Disease, another from a heart attack while running. That friend was only 63, and a regular runner. CJD, as it’s called, is an acute debilitating neuromuscular disease that kills swiftly, unlike ALS, which takes its time.

So my alma mater The University of Virginia made the NCAA Men’s Basketball Final Four. I am not a big basketball fan but I do recognize that as a tremendous accomplishment.

I’m getting back to the weight loss/ weight management routine, I am at 183 lbs (83,4 kg) today. I need to be around 175 lbs (79.4kg), I think.

That’s about it. Later Loves 💘

Letting It Out

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I have a deep agonising loneliness. My Catholic faith helps. It connects me to transcendent reality and larger truths.

But that it isn’t particularly good for hugs, kisses, slow fucks, or BJ’s. So I’m going crazy. I’m a master of channeling sexual energy elsewhere. But sometimes the channels get blocked.

After her brother’s funeral, I will open to J again and see what happens.

Russia And Cold War Two

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We think we understand the Russians. They have ICBMs and thermonuclear weapons. What else do we need to know?

An entire generation of Russians has come of age since the collapse of the Communist state. Russia has a consumer driven economy. Their tastes in fashions and style mirror our own. Blue jeans, athletic shoes, tee shirts, tattoos, body piercings are commonplace. Were it not for the signage in the Cyrillic alphabet of the Russian language, one would think we are looking at an American, Australian or Western European street scene.

The Russian Orthodox Church is experiencing a revival after decades of oppression by the atheists of the Soviet era. Liturgical chant, icons, and faith itself resonate within the Russian soul. When the Nazis sought to destroy Russia during The Great Patriotic War (WW II), the Communists, stopped the oppression temporarily. The Russian Orthodox Church is Russia.

We have a very superficial understanding of Russia. Let’s not be naïve. They have nukes and territorial ambitions. They are desirous of expanding Western Europe’s dependence on their natural gas. But perpetual suspicion is as bad a perspective as sentimental naïveté. It leads us to be manipulated by politicians with self-serving motives. Who I mean by this are the current and recent past leaders of the Democratic Party and their media allies. The Republicans have their own version of suspicion; don’t think I’m letting them off the hook.

It is very tempting to revive the Cold War for domestic political purposes. We can’t allow ourselves to be manipulated by the politicians.

Spiraling Down

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Hey Hey LBJ! How many kids did you kill today?

My brother-in-law is dying from ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Slowly, inexorably, he is losing muscular function. He is in a hospice in Florida, near Mount Dora. His illness is the result of chemical exposure in Vietnam, during his combat service in 1969, most likely Agent Orange. The VA recognizes the disease as service-related, but won’t definitively attribute it to Agent Orange exposure. There isn’t much difference and he’s dying no matter what caused the disease.

I haven’t felt very motivated lately, bronchitis and allergies. Just discouraged. I don’t feel like exercising or watching what I eat.

We are leaving for Florida in the morning. J wants to see her brother one more time. The drive will be excruciating, both going down and coming back.

Damn Lyndon Johnson, Ho Chi Minh, John McCone, Gen. Giap. The whole fuckin’ bunch.

Lunch With #2 Son

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C, my younger son, J, and I had lunch today. He tries to cram a wealth of activities into his days off, so he schedules with a precision reminiscent of a satellite launch to the moon.

So the tense drama of today’s lunch began. We did rendezvous at the correct location. He talked about his advanced medical directive, that he wanted his executor to be a Republican. Somehow he thought he could get an absentee ballot cast after he was dead. I informed him that it didn’t work that way, at least in Virginia.

Next we moved on to his pending trip to Costa Rica for his cousin’s destination wedding in November. He thought as long as he was in the neighborhood, he could swing by Chile and Brazil. J and I informed him that South America is pretty big, unlike, say, dropping by Rhode Island and Connecticut while going to Massachusetts. He knows about maps. He knows about distance scales. Somehow applying the concepts to real life had yet to occur to him.

We enjoyed our time together. But I think defending a doctoral dissertation might be easier that lunch with C.

Tuesday

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Finally took a Zyrtec© for my allergies which are bothering me. With any luck I might feel better.

So it has been an OK day. I slept between 7 and 11 AM. J came home from work. We went to lunch. I didn’t have much energy and took an afternoon nap.

#2 Son C**d is having lunch with me tomorrow. I always feel better when we get together.

Somehow a day isn’t complete without checking in with my blogosphere friends. Love might be too strong a word to describe relationships with people I have never met in person. Yet love fits how I feel.

The Volunteer

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NSFW Erotic Fantasy. Mature Topic

It was a typical medical office. There was the sign-in sheet designed with confidentiality in mind, the desk where insurance coverage was verified, the waiting area of chairs, magazines, TV monitors on some specialty medical office channel touting flu shots, stressing hydration, and affirming the wisdom of cabbage (cruciferous vegetables). Sarah Jane was as tired of hearing about cabbage as she was of her husband’s interminable praise of golf.

“I want a doctor to tell me to eat pastry,” her fanciful and rebellious imp side whispered in her right ear as she glimpsed at an ad for Farxiga.

“Maybe a session in that fancy jetted tub after strawberries and mangoes would make more sense and be more fun,” countered her healthy fairy godmother in her left.

“Mrs Harricott.”

The nurse called her name.

“This way, please.” She knew the drill, the weigh in, the blood pressure. She was half-expecting the application of leeches and the analysis of her bodily humors. That would make about as much difference as to how she felt.

At this point, the office visit took a singular and momentous turn. After the mandatory “knock knock“, a woman in a lab coat strode into the examination room.

“Hello, I’m Dr Parminter. Dr Feivel has the flu and asked me to cover for him. I see you are here for a six month visit for your hypertension.”

“Yes.” Sarah Jane tried to sound upbeat and that she had this handled, but she couldn’t hide her discouragement and resignation.

“You sound discouraged.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about it.” And this time she did. The frustration around the usual culprits in getting older, hypertension, obesity, diabetes.

“You don’t have to act your age. Acting your age is the fast track to the cemetery. I’m looking for volunteers to test a concept I have around wellness. Are you interested in being a test subject?”

“Sure. If it doesn’t cost too much.”

“How does free sound? All you have to do is follow instructions.”

“OK”

“Be at the address on this card tomorrow at 6:00 AM. Please fast for 12 hours, water only. Bring a good pair of cross training shoes. Ask for them at an athletic shoe store.”

The Fast

She had her early dinner at Five PM, the one she thought would help. Chicken breast, broccoli, brown rice. Iced tea. Algernon, her golfing husband joined her, although he had a glass of Sauvignon Blanc from some exotic vineyard in Uruguay that his oenophile buddies were raving about. Sarah Jane thought to herself, “Maybe one glass.” She had one glass, then two more, followed by raiding her secret stash of Ben & Jerry’s.

Then the munchies hit and the twelve hour fast became a ten, then an eight, then a six. Getting up at Five to be at the Clinic at Six was a challenge, but she made it with her brand spanking new cross training shoes.

“Good morning Mrs Harricott. We are going to draw your blood first,” said the impossibly chipper Physician Trainer at the Institute. Dr. Eisenblut, or so his name badge said.

“When did you last eat, 6:00 PM?”

“Uh, no, Doctor. More like Midnight.”

“You understand you have yet to begin here and already you are failing to comply with instructions. We could disqualify you outright, but that would not serve our interests or yours. The fasting bloodwork is critical in determining your baseline level of health. If you want to continue, you will stay here and we will draw your blood at noon. There is a waiting room with all the water you want to drink and copies of Life Magazine from 1966, for your reading enjoyment.

This waiting room was unlike any other waiting room in which she had ever waited. There were mirrors on all the walls. A little intimidating, as every ice cream bar, soft drink and donut she had eaten in the last two years flashed before her eyes.

Atop the mirrored wall was a sign, a question, painful to consider:

WAS IT WORTH IT?

At noon the phlebotomist came, drew her blood, asked for a urine sample. A blonde woman with an East European accent came and offered her an orange and some blueberry yogurt.

At 1230, Dr Eisenblut returned. The blonde woman stayed.

“We need to set the tone for working with us. Key is following instructions. There is a level of discipline involved. We hope to transform externally applied disciplinary measures into internally retained positive habits. To that end, you will sign the Consent To Discipline Agreement to continue. You will also receive your first discipline session.

You may withdraw now, If you choose. We will compensate you for your bloodwork, it is useful in building our database. The choice is entirely yours.”

Sarah Jane thought about her choices. She hated the general track her life seemed to be following. She was angry at herself for this initial screw-up. There was no choice really.

“OK, Doctor. I agree.”

She signed the paperwork.

“Magda, prepare Mrs Harricott for her session.” With that Dr Eisenblut left the room.

“Please undress.” was the terse two word instruction. Sarah Jane complied, as if she were an automaton. She undressed, tee shirt, shorts, sports bra, knickers, socks, shoes. Naked, she followed Magda from the waiting room to an adjoining room, reminiscent of a college lecture hall. There were people seated at the desks, some wearing lab coats, others in tee-shirts, shorts, sneakers. Reflexively she covered herself in embarrassment. She felt every pair of eyes in the room were focused on her. They were.

“We want to welcome Delta-21, our latest volunteer. She has the usual imperatives compelling her to healthy living, and the usual impediments, alcohol, bad diet, sedentary living and a penchant for self-will. She needs our coaching.

“Let’s first complete our profile. Please stand still while we take our measurements to calculate your lean body mass. The skin fold calipers meticulous measured the”muffin top” of her naked body, as the measuring technician called out the numbers in centimeters. The numbers were noted by the Lab Coat People, the Tee-Shirt People nodded or smiled knowingly.

Finally Sarah Jane heard Dr Eisenblut’s voice. “There is also a matter of a disciplinary session that I believe will be more efficacious if we conduct it publicly.”

With that an upholstered chair was brought out. “Place yourself over the back so that the volunteers and staff may observe your buttocks as you receive your spanking.

She complied. The paddling began. With each stroke of the paddle the observers counted. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…..20.

Her stinging and reddened buttocks were on displayed for a full thirty seconds. There were camera flashes.

“Turn around”. She turned and the crowd saw her tear streaked face.

Magda returned to the stage and led her back to the mirrored room. There was a tee-shirt and shorts that matched those of the other volunteers.

She was in The Program.

Time Mismanagement

I am awake. I have been awake for about an hour. I am drinking my coffee and “planning” my day. The word “planning” is inaccurate. I’m sitting here, ready to doze off, watching a WW2 era Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd cartoon. The colors are wonderful. There was something about the palette the cartoonists used then or maybe it was the Technicolor© processing.

However I digress. This post is really about how I do very little during the day, want to do more, but can’t seem to do too much more than sleep and watch YouTube.

I was joking with J about our “sunset years” this morning as she was getting for work. I spent forty plus years working for the chance to do nothing. Now that I have nothing to do I want to do something. Crazy.

Well Porky Pig is on now, fat, stuttering Porky Pig so endearing with his megawatt smile. This cartoon is in black and white, but the color Porky is such an erotic, fleshy orangey-pink.

In watching cartoons from nearly eighty years ago, I realize people didn’t seem to worry about being “cool” then. They did stuff like use “flit guns”, devices that would spray clouds of insecticide into the air. They wore their “good” clothes on Sunday. They were glad to have jobs. They could buy all their groceries in a store less than half the size of a typical grocery store. Nobody even thought of a “big box” store.

Despite worries about employment and having enough money, the idea of a “consumer” was an alien concept. I was brought up by the people who saw these cartoons at the movies in their first run, along with movies starring Clark Gable, Jimmy Stewart, Rita Hayworth, Bette Davis. Real movie stars.

Regrettably, I have wasted your time. I realize I have nothing to say. I will try again later,