• #10528 (no title)
  • 15 September 2020
  • Gourmet, Down South
  • The Author
  • Walking
  • What Endures. What Passes.

Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Category Archives: Relationships

Consumption

19 Wednesday Dec 2018

Posted by David in Relationships, Sexuality

≈ Leave a comment

That’s what they called tuberculosis back in the Nineteenth Century, before antibiotics, before effective treatment regimens, before sanitariums were established to isolate, then treat the sick. We don’t talk about consumption as a disease anymore. Tuberculosis is tuberculosis or TB.

But there is a consumption many of us feel. That we are consumed by our longing, for sexual expression, fulfillment and release. It involves our passion for our partners, who were, once, our lovers. The drama and the dreams live on for us, but our lovers moved on to other things, defeated by hormones, or anger, or fear of being consumed in the sweat and the lust and the passion.

It is too much to be loved so completely, I suspect. There is the regret of knowing the passion cannot be exchanged, the shame of quitting the race, the surrender to growing up.

Blogosphere, My Happy Home

18 Sunday Nov 2018

Posted by David in Relationships, Tolerance

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

love

There are times when I feel closer to the people I have never met in the blogging world than I do to my friends, family, and acquaintances in real life. And I wonder, would my blogging friends really accept me if they knew me?

I am a Catholic, heterosexual, Republican, old, white male. To many people, in Orwellian Newspeak, that makes me “ungood”. Yet I have always reached out to people who were different from me.

Every word I used to describe myself is a superficiality. Yet we seem to be a world consumed and divided by those surface differences. I notice this when I watch real time pictures and video from around the world on YouTube. I have watched video from Russia, post Communism, and the people walking on the streets and playing on the beaches look no different from us. We could be in America, except the signs are in Russian.

We can have our differences as long as we promise not to kill each other. Is that so hard?

I read in the blogosphere of people in nonconforming, unconventional relationships. They seem to love their partners as much as I love my wife, in my typical, monogamous, male/female-paired marriage.

May be after the highly amped-up stupidity of the last two elections, I am all burnt out. These hills are ones I don’t want to die on.

Sunday

22 Sunday Jul 2018

Posted by David in Relationships

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

#Sexual Frustration

Yesterday it rained. A lot. I feel like I’ve been in a strange tired and lethargic state, sleeping on and off, as if I were taking a long nap.

MrsCorC? worked last night, closing the store, arriving home around 1230. This is not unusual. I stayed up to talk a while about nothing very important.

I got up today, shoving to the back of my mind the hopeless feeling I have about this house never being a home. Is this it? Are our senior years about waiting around to die, living in clutter and junk? I don’t feel very alive. My sexual frustration is off the charts. What this means is that I have to put my feelings out there again, expecting them to be ignored, if not out right ridiculed.

She knows I won’t leave. Or cheat.

Intimacy

18 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships, Sexuality

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

#Intimacy #Sexual Expression

I have a hunger for intimacy. I see sex, the carnal act of love-making, genital stimulation, orgasms, as a declaration, an expression of intimacy, the two becoming one.

I won’t comment on what I can’t relate to, specifically same sex attraction. But the hunger for sexual fulfillment unsatisfied is intimacy denied. Without love-making, husbands and wives are merely going through the motions. I must also state that sex without mutually felt desire is also a travesty of love. I had a marriage where the mutuality of desire ended. I had descended into a carnality that even I felt repelled by. And so sexual love died, before the legal marriage ultimately ended. It was a time of regret tinged with horror, as I reflect on it, nearly 24 years after that marriage ended.

So here I exist in a sexless marriage again, longing for union and intimacy, sustained only by a love on another level. It is a love, profound in its depth, yet ultimately unsatisfying. It is a mute marriage, bereft of the cries of pleasure and ecstasy. Taking one’s lover to ecstasy is a great gift of marriage. Hiding our passions is the great betrayal of our lover. We speak of “letting go” when we surrender to orgasm. I doubt that “letting go” is what sustains us. Rather it is the “drawing in”, through all the sweaty passions that nurture us.

Wait! There’s More,

05 Tuesday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Flowers, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Day Lilies

More Day Lilies

There is a story behind these lilies. My late ex-wife was a Master Gardener. She was a great devotee´ of day lilies. These flowers propagate like crazy, so thinning them out means sharing them. She was kind enough to share them with me. We were not on good terms when she died. But the discord of the last years of our relationship are forgotten whenever the day lilies bloom.

Sunday Afternoon And Evening, Monday Morning

04 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Exercise/ Fitness, Relationships, Sport

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Women's Softball #Walking

Yesterday, I shared with MrsCorC? my episode of sleep interruption early Sunday morning. She had no idea how her movie watching affected me and resolved to improve. Now twenty four hours later, I again couldn’t get to sleep. I was in pain from my day. My back was simply not cooperating. So I have another morning of insomnia and sleep deprivation. Oh well. But the whole atmosphere is different. I did communicate. She is not to blame. She is again my partner, not my adversary..

Yesterday, I did not make it to Mass. I did watch the Mass on EWTN. It’s not quite the same, but sitting for an hour would have been too much for me.

I did a four mile walk yesterday, completing it in 58 min:33sec. It was my first walk of the year, since I have been swimming for exercise of late. It feels good to walk; it’s different from how I feel after I swim. The muscles worked are different. I experience the sweat from exertion, so I feel like I’ve done something. But in both forms of exercise, I feel the exertion and the endorphin high.

I watched NCAA Women’s Softball for most of yesterday. It has become my favorite spectator sport. I like the enthusiasm of the players and their athleticism.

So that was my yesterday and early morning. I’m feeling sleepy. The Silver Meteor #98 Northbound just passed through Ashland as reported on Virtual Railfan LLC. I will wait for #86 to stop in Ashland, then go back to bed.

Turning the mind off, so I’m not meal-planning, scheduling my day, having erotic reveries (dirty sex fantasies) or otherwise allowing my thoughts to flow full force is a challenge. It’s OK to just chill.

Sunday Morning

03 Sunday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Marriage #Loneliness

It is almost 430. My wife came home from work about 1230. She decided she wasn’t sleepy and decided to watch TV in bed, whilst I’m attempting to sleep next to her. This doesn’t work for me. I have been awake about 2 hours. I want to go back to sleep. I do not want to spend most of Sunday in a sleep-deprived fog.

What comes up now is loneliness and frustration. As much as I love her, I see she lives in her own world. It is a world centered around sleep, work, television, and McDonald’s Sweet Iced Tea.

My temptation is to retreat into the world of my construction, swimming, cooking, AA, Church, the internet, and my friends.

Mutual Assured Loneliness.

Fornicating Shakers

31 Thursday May 2018

Posted by David in Civilization, Relationships, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

#Contraception, #Shakers, #Survival

You don’t hear much about the Shakers anymore. Sure, you can sing The Simple Gifts (think Copland’s Appalachian Spring ), collect some fine baskets, or acquire some superb furniture. But the Shakers are extinct. Why? They practiced celibacy on a grand scale. They eschewed reproductive sex. So in order to survive, the Shakers needed to attract new members from the world outside of their own ever-shrinking sphere.

Today, we live in a culture, poisoned by the ruminations of toxic intellectuals, like Paul Ehrlich, who decry the natural human impulse to procreate and perpetuate, not only the human species, but human cultures. These cultures are not merely the Western European cultures; Japan, through the practice of birth control, is experiencing a demographic collapse. China has a bleak future, brought on by the Maoist “One Child Policy”. As college students in the Seventies, we were constantly advised to adopt Zero Population Growth as a cultural value. Having more than two children per family was, at the very least, bad form, morally irresponsible, at the worst. Men became little more than human drones (“sperm donors”). Women, in the name of feminism, rejected what defined them as women. And for anyone, man or woman, to state this, is to invite anger, fury, and scorn. A child became The Ultimate Pet. About 35 years ago, in the mid-1980’s, I noticed more and more people refer to their dogs and cats, their pets, as their “babies”. Again, many of you will minimize or ridicule this observation.

The culture has rejected its own survival, guaranteeing its decay. Thanks to wide availability of artificial contraception, and the cultural value of sex as little more than primal recreation, we are dying out, much like the Shakers.

Except there will be a remnant who will survive at first, then ultimately flourish. Much as a forest regenerates itself after a calamitous fire, those who reject the contraceptive paradigm will preserve Western, Judeo-Christian, Catholic Civilization, where both males and females will be valued. And these humans will be valued from conception til natural death.

In A Sleep-deprived Fog.

28 Monday May 2018

Posted by David in Relationships, Sexuality

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#TV Crime

My wife got in last night a little before midnight. She wanted to “unwind”. For her, this means watching crime drama TV shows, where people get murdered or disappear. De gustibus non disputandem. (There is no disputing matters of taste.)

I chill with her for the night. I know it’s just fiction, but still killing as entertainment doesn’t do it for me. I have a rather exhaustive knowledge of the wars of the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries and the more I learn about killing, the more repulsed I am. It is truly the stuff of nightmares; so a TV show that ends in murder by blunt force trauma won’t send me to dreamland.

So now I sit. It is almost 1300 Hours (1:00 PM) My eyes have yet to adjust to wakefulness, I need to sleep some more. The pain of life without a physical, sexual lover, the platonic Hell, if you will, seizes me fully. How she lives as she does is a mystery to me, Yet I persist, because the other expressions of love are powerful also, perhaps more powerful than Eros.

Tonight

26 Saturday May 2018

Posted by David in Love and stuff, Relationships

≈ 9 Comments

I am alone. She is at work. It is our anniversary weekend. Seventeen years (17). We had a late lunch out. Then strolling around the mall, we went into Godiva Chocolates and I bought us treats, chocolate dipped macaroons. All in all, they were tasty. But the fun, for me, was in the spontaneity. We came. We saw. We bought. We ate.

Earlier that day, I made the regular foray to BJ’s, buying the usual, croissants, cream, coffee, fruit.

Right now I am more than a little tired. And lonely. We live this disjointed life where we tend to move in different directions. We have been together for 17 years. The only advice I can give to men about an enduring marriage is “Don’t be a selfish pig. It is not about getting your way.”

Night, all.

← Older posts
Newer posts →

Subscribe

  • Entries (RSS)
  • Comments (RSS)

Archives

  • December 2025
  • November 2025
  • October 2025
  • September 2025
  • August 2025
  • July 2025
  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • August 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • May 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • February 2019
  • January 2019
  • December 2018
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • September 2018
  • July 2018
  • June 2018
  • May 2018
  • April 2018
  • February 2018
  • January 2018
  • December 2017
  • November 2017
  • October 2017
  • September 2017
  • August 2017
  • July 2017
  • June 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • February 2017
  • January 2017
  • December 2016
  • November 2016
  • October 2016
  • September 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • April 2016
  • March 2016
  • February 2016
  • January 2016
  • November 2015
  • September 2015
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • March 2014

Categories

  • #cricket
    • Cricket
  • #Grief
  • Addiction
  • Adult Children
  • Aesthetics
  • Age Play
  • alcoholism
  • American History
    • Politics
  • Amtrak
  • Animal Baby Cuteness
  • Anti-Marxist Activity
  • Art
  • Autism Spectrum Disorders
  • Automobiles,
  • Baby Names
  • Baltimore
  • Big Business
  • Birthday
  • Bloggers
  • British Empire
  • Capitalism
  • Cartoons
  • Catholic Life
  • Cats
  • Civilization
  • Class
  • Classical Music
  • cooking
  • Cricket
  • Cuba
  • Cycling
  • Delta Blues
  • Depression
  • Dogs
  • Erotic Writing
  • Exercise/ Fitness
  • Existential Despair
  • Fame
  • Family
  • Fantasy
  • Fashion & Grooming
  • Florida
  • Flowers
  • food
  • Foreign Films
  • Fruit
  • Futurism
  • Gay/Straight Dichotomy
  • Gender Identity
  • Gender Roles
  • Gentrification
  • Going Dark.
  • grafitti
  • Gratitude
  • Health Issues
  • Hedonism
  • Hidtory
  • History
  • Housework
  • kitsch
  • Literature
  • loneliness
  • Love and stuff
  • memoir
  • Mid Century Modern
  • Modernism
  • New York
  • Old Cameras
  • Otakon 2016
  • personal grooming
  • Pie Crust
  • Politics
  • Popular Song
  • Post Office
  • Railroads
  • recovery
  • Refugees
  • Relationships
  • Russian Orthodoxy
  • Sacrifice
  • sadomasochism
  • seduction
  • self-indulgence
  • Sexual Identity
  • Sexuality
  • sleep
  • Smartphones
  • Sobriety
  • Soup
  • Soviet History
  • Spirituality
  • Sport
  • Suburbia
  • Summer
  • Taste
  • Tasteless Gifts
  • Tattoo
  • Tea
  • The Villages
  • Tolerance
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized
  • Urban Brutalism
  • Vietnam
  • Wildlife
  • World War II
  • YMCA
  • YouTube-Videos

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Dispatches From Dystopia
    • Join 591 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Dispatches From Dystopia
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...