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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Category Archives: Family

‘Tis The Season….

14 Thursday Dec 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Classical Music, Family

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I have a love/hate relation with Christmas. Painful memories. Fond memories. I remember my father had to leave one year the day after Christmas to do a year-end audit in Birmingham, Alabama. I just wanted him to stay, probably not as much as he wanted to stay. Nowhere nearly as much as he did.  Christmases with my children. And thanks to divorce, Christmas without them.

And then there is the Holy Mass for the Solemnity of the Incarnation. I have been to Midnight Masses, and Christmas Day Masses. The serenity I associate with the Mass is profound. The silences between the chanted portions of the Masses are equally as moving as the chants.  And the Gloria is exquisite.  If one is lucky enough to be at a Mass where The Credo is chanted (the Missa Angeles especially), it is especially moving. He became Man and dwelt among us. The Incarnation will always be a Mystery. There are things we will never figure out. Mysteries.

Other music is also singularly special.  Händel’s Messiah, Bach’s Christmas Oratorio, Brittain’s Ceremony of Carols. Then there is the exquisite Marian Anthem, for the season,  Alma Redemptoris Mater, the simple tone Gregorian Chant.

Most importantly Christmas is the orange in the toe of my hand-knitted Christmas stocking. Because St Nicholas remembers that for the longest time, an orange, a simple orange, for Heaven’s sake, was something special.

Love/Hate. Loss of family, Presence of Our Lord, the perfunctory acts of charity, birds taking Mylar “icicles”  building their nests.

It’s a jumble. A delicious jumble.

End Of Third Quarter

29 Friday Sep 2017

Posted by David in Exercise/ Fitness, Family, Sexual Identity, Sexuality, Uncategorized

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Tags

Ramblings, Sex, Writing x

Yes Sirree, Boy!  Where did the time go?  It seems like only last week I was hip deep in the muck of a Presidential Election, but that was 11 months ago.  Now…  

It seems like I was just buying Hallowe’en candy to give away to the urchins pounding on my door, (or, most likely, eat myself).

It seems like only just the other day, I was wondering if I would ever see my abdominal muscles again or weigh under 200 lbs, much less 185.  Had you told me six months ago, I would swim two miles, without stopping, and think nothing of it, I would have laughed. Since April, I have shredded a lot of notions I held about what a 66 year old retiree is supposed to look like and what his capabilities are.

I have also become quite comfortable living with conflicting ideas about politics, relationships, the very nature of love itself.  Try truly not caring about what somebody else thinks, but just love them, not in a superficial and/or a sentimental way. Love someone in the sense that you care about their welfare, that you want to see them live another day. Love someone, expecting nothing out of it for yourself.

Right now the  figurative elephant in my cranium I’m avoiding writing about is sex.  My sexual imagination is rich, deeply influenced by ideas of domination and submission and their accompanying ritual acts.  Yet my sex life is chaste.  I wrote a little story House Boy , detailing a fantasy I had.  There are more up there.

Would I like to act out?  Hell yes, in the worst way, but I know how the real world operates.  I also love the woman I am married to.  That Love and that vow of love I made controls taking any action that contradicts that vow.

And you wonderful people who stop and read what I write, thank you. I read what you share. I am in awe of your courage and willingness to sit at a key board, pound the letters, and sweat blood. 

I am on my way to becoming a writer of online erotica, the least likely job/avocation I thought I would have.  It will be fiction.

“Don’t try this at home, kids!”  will be my motto. But sometimes it just needs to be written.

Sunday Morning

10 Sunday Sep 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Family, Sport

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#NFL

Mr. Good Catholic here managed to sleep through any chance of getting to 11:00 Mass. There is always the 4:30 Extraordinary Form (Latin ) Mass.  

I woke up fully embracing the gift of being alive. I should eat something, I suppose. The sun is shining, the temperature is pleasant. 

This is the first Sunday of the NFL season. Pro football is one of my guilty pleasures. I admit it.  Other guilty pleasures of mine include fried salt herring,  Looney Tunes from the 30’s and 40’s,  and Krispy Kreme Donuts.

As near as I know, our Florida friends and family are safe.  Several of them are in law enforcement, so I suspect they will be needed. My brother-in-law’s mother lives in Bradenton. She is around 90 and her daughter took her to her home in Georgia. We just hope she has a home to return to.  Praying for the folks in Florida.

Texting With My Son

04 Friday Aug 2017

Posted by David in Family, Relationships

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My elder son and I were texting tonight. He is 41 , with a successful career. He told me he would give everything he had for his mother and me to be together again. You see, we divorced when he was two. I remained in his life. He even lived with my current wife and me when he was a young adult recovering from some bad decisions that he made,

 Today is his mother’s birthday. I realize this terrible fracture to his emotional security haunts him still.  Her birthday brought his sense of loss to the surface.  

I have a good marriage today, emotional maturity, an eternal grounding for my life in the Roman Catholic Church, over two decades of sobriety. And yet, the scar remains. That decision to divorce (not my idea, for what that is worth) haunts him and me still. I can only imagine what his mother thinks.

I can fantasize about sexual escapades all I want. But that sacred bond of marriage I trampled on so long ago has more value than any erotic reverie I may ever entertain.

 Baby Steps That Make For Success

14 Friday Jul 2017

Posted by David in Exercise/ Fitness, Family, Sexuality, Suburbia

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Old Schwinn

I bought a bicycling helmet today at REI. What a great store! I definitely will get the bike rack there.  My brother’s old Chicago-made Schwinn 10-speed is ready. So cycling is in my future.

Today was another hot day, but I took care of myself, exercised, ate right, and even took a nap! It would be nicer if I weren’t hot, but this day was filled with the little accomplishments that make for satisfying days.

Tomorrow I pick up the bike, hang around the house for the HVAC service call, and go to the Y with D, my stepmother and workout buddy. It won’t be in that order. But close.

What A Day. 

30 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by David in Bloggers, Catholic Life, cooking, Exercise/ Fitness, Family, sleep

≈ 1 Comment

There is a phrase around AA that talks about packing much into the stream of life. I felt that today was one of those fully-packed days. I did not sleep all that well, waking up around Five AM, after sleeping maybe four hours.   I made coffee, texted with a friend,  and decided the 8:00 AM Daily Mass was in order. So I went.

I was hurting a little, OK a lot, and was not up for the standing and kneeling during the Mass. Today is the Solemnity of Saints Peter and Paul, so the Mass included the Gloria and Credo, usually omitted on weekday Low Masses. Getting out around 8:45, I went shopping. I got a deal on a pork tenderloin and will fix it real soon.

After creating a breakfast that took parts of an Egg McMuffin, eggs Benedict, and creamed chipped beef, I made a poached egg sandwich on a whole wheat toasted English Muffin with chipped beef  and goat cheese. I ate it open-faced with a knife and fork. The protein made it quite satisfying,

Now I was sleepy, I slept another three hours. I woke up, spent some time on the computer, then went swimming at the Y while D, my stepmother did her exercise. Very satisfying experience. I told D that the worst part of driving was simply getting in and out of the car.

When I got home, I made a fresh tomato sandwich, using without hesitation or regret, real mayonnaise. FULL FAT. No feeble substitute. Worth every calorie.

During the day, I read blog posts, hoping my friends in the blogosphere triumph over their hardships.

After another nap, I whip up a satisfying supper from leftovers. Life feels pretty good right now. What I feel is love and connectedness to the world about me.

12 June, 2017

12 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by David in Family, Health Issues

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Weight Watchers

It seems like forever since I last posted. It has been almost three weeks.  My younger son turned 29 on 1 June.  We celebrated at Kuba Kuba Dos, a Cuban restaurant spun off from the original down in the Fan district. The celebration was characterized by laughter, great food and was topped off by their incomparable tres leches cake.  I would be remiss if I did not also mention the coconut risotto cakes, their fantastic appetizer.

Next on the schedule of mini-dramas was a car inspection. I am the proud owner of a 1998 Mercury Grand Marquis with two new tires, a functioning air conditioning system and a new EGR valve. YEE-HA!   I didn’t see that new EGR valve coming, because I did not know such a thing existed until mine ceased to function. 

I have had shoulder issues lately, of the annoying category. I think the vertebrae somewhere in my dysfunctional spinal column are pinching a nerve. I have normal range of motion, just some pain.

I started to seriously do the Weight Watchers program again. I’m sick of carrying the weight, eating to avoid my feelings, and having to take medicine.  I have to take drugs to control my hypertension and elevated cholesterol.  The need for the drugs is eliminated when my weight is around 175 lbs, rather than 210, which it is now.  Weight Watchers is simple and fun. I have no sense of being deprived.

Life is good. I have more to say, but am runnning out of time to say it now.

Rambling Guy

25 Thursday May 2017

Posted by David in cooking, Exercise/ Fitness, Family, food

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Weight Watchers

So about 2 weeks ago, I went back to Weight Watchers. My weight was climbing upward, because I rebel against the idea of managing what I eat. So I’ve been toying around with program. My first weigh-in showed I lost about 3 lbs and my second weigh-in had me gain back about 1.5 lbs. That was yesterday. 

I finally admitted to myself I wasn’t being rigorous enough. I know what I can and should eat to have a sustained weight loss over time. I’ve purged a lot of crap from the pantry, freezer, and fridge.  This morning I went to Richmond’s best produce store, Tom Leonard’s Farmer’s Market and the fruits and vegetables practically jumped into the cart. Leading the way was a quarter of a watermelon. Seriously yummy,

I came home started dinner, a slow-cooker prepared chicken rosemary and mushroom stew-like concoction with tomatoes. I found these great canned tomatoes at Tom Leonard’s, Sclafani’s from Norwalk CT. Sclafani imports these tomatoes from Italy. They are delicious.

Next I started some red beans, Cajun style. With Cajun spicing in beef stock, slow cooked. Added only garlic and shallots.

I went to the Y w D, my stepmom. My swim of 2500 meters was three minutes faster than yesterday. And the weight gain I showed yesterday was gone today.  Go figure. Weight varies daily, that’s about the first thing one learns at WW, so it’s the trend that matters.

My stepmom wanted me to take her by KFC to pick up some dinner. I just offered to bring some of my chicken stuff over. She said yes. Nothing like a good deed done to make one’s day,

Memory Chain Reaction

19 Friday May 2017

Posted by David in Family, food, memoir, Suburbia

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

ice cream, old cars

1.jpg1953Nash

1953 Nash Ambassador

It is the 1950’s, a Friday night, and we need to go grocery shopping.  We have one car, a 1953 Nash Ambassador Super, black body with a red top, Continental wheel, straight 6 engine, three on the tree, and overdrive. A righteous car. We all pile in the car, Dad, me, my elder brother in the front, Mama, my sister, my younger brother in the back.  That’s the we way we did riding in the car. Mother did not drive. We had just one car anyway.

We went to the A&P. Some people went to the Safeway; some people shopped at the Colonial Store; some went to Siegel’s (run by brothers Hip and Charlie). There were other local independent supermarkets and superettes (so asserted Richfood, the local buyers’ co-op).  But we went to the A&P.  To a child’s mind, this was almost like our religious affiliation. We were Presbyterians on Sunday who shopped at the A&P on Friday and we all rode in the same car to go to both church and store.  “God’s in His Heaven, all’s right with the world.” 

We would shop.  Dad preferred Bokar Coffee, available only at A&P.  That’s probably why we went. Dad was as serious about his coffee as he was about this country, the Marine Corps, the Presbyterian Church and the Republican Party.  Coffee was serious business in his family. His father (Pop) called it “Arbuckles”. The first coffee I ever tasted was what Pop gave to me from a spoon, with cream.  Still the best coffee I ever tasted.

The A&P was on Meadowbridge Road in Highland Park, near a fire station.  The neighborhood was transitioning from all-white to all-black.   Next to the A&P was a High’s Ice Cream Store. It was a local chain, that had chrome steel swivel stools at the counters.  They sold ice cream at five cents a scoop. The single scoop cone had a pointy end. Sometimes we would be mean to my sister and bite the tip off her cone. (I think she forgave us for this. At least I hope so.)  The High’s Stores were staffed by these little old ladies who wore pale pastel-green dresses (like the old fashioned nurses’ uniforms) and hairnets, white hairnets.  As drug addiction grew in the Richmond area, the junkies would rob the High’s Stores to get the money for a fix..  Eventually the High’s Stores went out of business and the junkies moved on to the 7-Elevens.

Ice cream was a big deal. On a hot summer night, we would get in the car, ride to High’s, Dairy Queen, Tastee Freez, or the Curles’ Neck Dairy Bar.  When we went to Curles’ Neck, we could get an awesome maple nut ice cream.  Then we would ride down to Byrd Park and watch the illuminated fountain in the Fountain Lake.  It was fun.  It was free. My Dad, who worked between his civilian job and his Marine Reserve duty almost constantly, loved this time with his children.  We loved this time with him.

In retrospect, all of these simple pleasures were living on borrowed time.  What destroyed them was affluence and the advertisers who promoted bigger and better versions of fun.  So now we go to Disney World or Busch Gardens or Kings Dominion, for better or worse.

Treading Water

15 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by David in Catholic Life, cooking, Exercise/ Fitness, Family

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Easter

Well, not literally.  As water goes, I’ve been swimming fairly consistently.  I have swum for the last four days, 2500 meters each day, a total of a little over six miles.  The opportunity to exercise is the best aspect of retirement for me.  I would have made a marvelous English gentleman of La Belle Epoque .  They made an art of not working, a worthy avocation if there ever was one.

I have a fruit salad to make this morning to bring to my Thomistic Philosophy discussion group at Church.  Bananas, pineapple, strawberries, and maybe a pear or two, should make a tasty treat.  I’m so tempted to say “Eff-it!” and go buy some donuts, but this is the wiser course of action.

Mrs CorC? and I will attend the Easter Vigil Mass.  It has a quiet dignity that is quite compelling.  Maybe, if we are lucky, the choir will chant the Litany of Loretto, in Latin. Tomorrow we will go to brunch at the local Maggiano’s. We have gotten out of the habit of elaborate family get-togethers at Easter and Christmas because my sister, a church musician, has a pretty demanding schedule.

My dream is to have the family here.  That would require that we get the house presentable. Mrs CorC? has given no indication that this is a priority for her.  To be quite frank, I consider her reticence a lack of interest in my family and my needs. And I am hurt.  Communicating my needs is a fruitless activity, I’ve learned.

My needs.  Every damn day, I long for affection, sexual intimacy, a little politically incorrect banter.  However, I have the relationship/marriage that I have.  Any change will have to spring from both her and my own personal transformation.  Dammit.

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