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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

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09 Tuesday Apr 2019

Posted by David in Family, Relationships

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#Emotional_exhaustion

I am home from this trip to Florida. The trip back transpired over two days, stopping in Georgia and North Carolina. I drove through the Durham area, where my deceased ex-wife grew up and where her family lived when we were married. I thought about my failure as a husband in that marriage.

Upon my return, I learned my 93-year old stepmother is in hospital with congestive heart failure.

Also my first wife, mother of my elder son is moving back to Richmond.

My life is taking on the makings of a movie on The Hallmark Channel.

I am tired. Physically. Emotionally I am overwhelmed.

Spiraling Down

29 Friday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Family, Vietnam

≈ 6 Comments

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# ALS

Hey Hey LBJ! How many kids did you kill today?

My brother-in-law is dying from ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Slowly, inexorably, he is losing muscular function. He is in a hospice in Florida, near Mount Dora. His illness is the result of chemical exposure in Vietnam, during his combat service in 1969, most likely Agent Orange. The VA recognizes the disease as service-related, but won’t definitively attribute it to Agent Orange exposure. There isn’t much difference and he’s dying no matter what caused the disease.

I haven’t felt very motivated lately, bronchitis and allergies. Just discouraged. I don’t feel like exercising or watching what I eat.

We are leaving for Florida in the morning. J wants to see her brother one more time. The drive will be excruciating, both going down and coming back.

Damn Lyndon Johnson, Ho Chi Minh, John McCone, Gen. Giap. The whole fuckin’ bunch.

Lunch With #2 Son

28 Thursday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Family

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#Adult_Children

C, my younger son, J, and I had lunch today. He tries to cram a wealth of activities into his days off, so he schedules with a precision reminiscent of a satellite launch to the moon.

So the tense drama of today’s lunch began. We did rendezvous at the correct location. He talked about his advanced medical directive, that he wanted his executor to be a Republican. Somehow he thought he could get an absentee ballot cast after he was dead. I informed him that it didn’t work that way, at least in Virginia.

Next we moved on to his pending trip to Costa Rica for his cousin’s destination wedding in November. He thought as long as he was in the neighborhood, he could swing by Chile and Brazil. J and I informed him that South America is pretty big, unlike, say, dropping by Rhode Island and Connecticut while going to Massachusetts. He knows about maps. He knows about distance scales. Somehow applying the concepts to real life had yet to occur to him.

We enjoyed our time together. But I think defending a doctoral dissertation might be easier that lunch with C.

Unplugged

16 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Family, memoir

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#smartphone

I spent the morning attempting to unplug from my Smartphone, television, and the cyberworld. Sleeping helped. Otherwise, no luck. I think it is a matter of discipline. What works against me is that so many of the activities that satisfy me come from the digital world.

After a surprisingly good meal of corned beef and cabbage at Cracker Barrel, I came home and had another nap. The low energy I’m experiencing is attributable to the pollen making its presence felt. Good Old Mother Nature.

I’m doing some trainspotting, watching the Ashland Virtual Railfan LLC Channel on You TUBE.

Early Spring is a great time of year. I have plenty of fond memories, especially when my younger son was little and I was a single parent. His mom’s Healing Touch practitioners group met on Friday nights and we would start our weekends then. Sometimes I would fix homemade macaroni and cheese. Other nights we would pick up a pizza at the restaurant next door to the apartment.

We would watch a Flash Gordon serial or Disney’s Darby O’Gill And The Little People, featuring a yet to make it big Sean Connery. This was in the Dark Age of VHS on videocassette players. Remember? He would fall asleep in my bed. The days when my children always wanted me around them were the best.

My point is that only twenty years ago, the digital incursion into daily life was smaller than it is now. Yet we considered ourselves highly advanced and sophisticated. And we were.

Now I have to check my Smartphone regularly. I am writing this post on the same phone. I’m sure that Aristotle, were he alive today, would be fully engaged with this digital universe. So maybe I will just enjoy the modernity.

4 March 1944/1994/2019 A Wedding And Two Anniversaries

04 Monday Mar 2019

Posted by David in Family, World War II

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marriage

4 March 1944 was the day my parents married. They were married at Third Presbyterian Church at the corner of 26th & Broad Streets in Richmond, VA. It is in the heart of the neighborhood known as Church Hill. The eponymous Church in question isn’t Third but St John’s Church, an Episcopal parish, where in March 1775, Patrick Henry made his “Liberty or Death” speech. I’m afraid this is not taught in the schools any longer, so one day I will post about it.

However, I digress. My Dad was a newly commissioned Second Lieutenant of Marines. They started married life seeing each other on weekends when he had liberty from The Basic School and the field artillery course at Quantico, about 75 miles up U.S. 1 from Richmond. Mother was working as a secretary to an executive at Reynolds Metals, a business that relocated to Richmond in the late 1930’s. Mother got a job because she could type. She also was fluent in Spanish and could translate foreign correspondence.

The War progressed. My Dad was assigned to the 15th Marine Regiment of the Sixth Marine Division. The division was headed to Okinawa where a grim and bloody land campaign was fought. After occupation duty in Japan and Tsingtao, China, Dad came home. He stayed in the Reserve and he split his time between his accounting practice and his military duty. As a result, we had no family vacations at the beach or anywhere else until we were adults. Then our vacations included us children and grandchildren at the beach house my father had built. It was the happiest of times for us all. Dad and Mother loved their grandchildren deeply

Life went on, with all the drama an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (my mother) could bring to the table. Mother herself didn’t drink. You might say she was a carrier of the disease. I think it’s a miracle only one of us four children (me) developed alcoholism and even more of a miracle I found recovery,

Mother’s physical health was always a bit precarious with hypertension, obesity, diabetes, gynecological issues. She had a quintuple bypass at age 69 in the summer of 1988, at the time we adopted my younger son.

When 1994 came around we wanted to do something special for our parents’ Golden Anniversary. I made a video of all the houses my parents alone or with the family lived in. We planned a party for that day March 4th. The day before, my mother fell. It wasn’t just a fall. Unbeknownst to us, she had had a stroke. Twenty-five years ago, first response knowledge of what to do after a suspected stroke wasn’t what it is now. Mother’s stroke was serious, debilitating. She had to use a wheelchair. She lost most of her ability to speak, even though she understood conversations.

Labour Day Weekend, 1995, Mom died. She was 76. Dad was a widower, who remarried Valentine’s Day 2000. He and my stepmother were together until August 2011, when he died aged ninety.

Around the time of the anniversary, I started antidepressant medication (Prozac). I started feeling good and decided that living with an active alcoholic wasn’t good for me, I made a decision to do an intervention on my alcoholic wife. Ultimately I got honest about my own drinking and cannabis use and got sober myself. My wife went to treatment on 6 July 1994, (Mother’s birthday coincidentally). I quit drinking 10 July 1994. Our marriage ended shortly after. I guess my ex-wife stayed sober most of that time. She stopped speaking to me in 2013. In 2015, she died, without telling me she was terminally ill.

In 2001, I remarried, converted to Catholicism in 2010. My elder brother died in December, 2014 at age 65. I had surgery in 2015 that ended my working career. I am a Stay At Home Husband. I blog, manage my health, swim, go to AA and Mass whenever I can.

It will be 4 March 2019 in about 92 minutes. My elder son now lives a few blocks from the building where his grandparents were married, in a more or less gentrified neighborhood. The Church itself moved about sixty two years ago.

This is a time of gratitude that my parents made that commitment to each other that brought my two brothers, my sister and me into this world. I have the life I have, for better or worse, for that decision they made seventy-five years ago.

I love you Dad. I love you Mom. I miss you both. We all turned out OK. You loved each other enough to risk everything for a life together. Thank you. We owe everything to you.

Updates

22 Tuesday Jan 2019

Posted by David in Family, Health Issues

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#Birthday. #Health

  1. #2 Son went to the chiropractor, had his back diagnosed. No herniated disc, just a strain of the muscles.
  2. My Doctor visit. My b.p. is 130/80. My weight is 188 lbs, a 29 lb loss since mid-October, when last I saw him. I don’t know what the A1C value is yet. I am close to “normal” on the Body Mass Index, 26.9 where 25 is deemed not overweight. All in all, it was a successful visit.
  3. Birthday. We went to dinner. I had a good time and the food was good, not spectacular.
  4. Cold weather. It is cold. Tomorrow it will warm up to 36°, 8° warmer than today. By Thursday the temperature will be back to the 50’s.
  5. Swimming: I swam 12,500 meters in 5 days. That is 7.7 miles. I am satisfied with that total distance.

Predicaments

19 Saturday Jan 2019

Posted by David in Family, Gender Identity, Health Issues

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Marijuana

How do I begin? And where? Number Two Son, age 30, (Yes he is an adult) called me and asked what it feels like to have a slipped disc. I explain as best I can and he shares that he hurt his back.

Somehow or other, he wants to diagnose and treat this problem on his own. All kind of crazy, but he says one thing, “They drug test if I file a Wokers’ Comp claim.” Suddenly, all the flanking maneuveres begin to make sense. He doesn’t want to test positive for marijuana, the use of which is illegal in Virginia.

But I get to work assisting him, and do way too much to help with his problem. He is seeing a chiropractor I know and have used on Monday at 5:00 PM. With luck the problem will be correcting itself over the weekend.

I don’t suspect my son is a heavy pot smoker, but he is now organizing his life around his habit. NOT. GOOD.

I get stressed because he has Asperger’s Syndrome. Even if he wasn’t using 4-20, he tends to argue, over-think, analyze, and question even the simplest of predicaments. Here two things are key. 1) He has hurt his back. 2) A medical professional needs to assess the injury. Concealing drug use complicates a simple task.

Here’s hoping for the best possible outcome. He sees the chiro. The chiro does his magic. He feels better. He realizes that he is planning his life around his marijuana habit. And stops using. We shall see.

#2 Son Visits

27 Thursday Dec 2018

Posted by David in Family

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Adult Children

My 30 year old younger son came for dinner. We had an eye round roast, mashed potatoes, with mushroom gravy. He wanted macaroni and cheese with my homemade cheese sauce too. Being smart, I figured I could fix Mac & Cheese another night and rope him into another visit. I don’t think there has ever been a parent who hasn’t wished their adult children could magically be 7 or 8 or whatever their child’s “cute age” was, again. But he turned out OK and I am still high from the visit.

He had this idea about unloading baggage from a moving train, as if it were a huge problem. I think the venture capitalists would rather put their money into Artificial Intelligence, rather than a minor problem in a moribund form of transportation. But what do I know?

Basic Function, Larger Purpose

18 Thursday Oct 2018

Posted by David in Family, Gender Identity, Sexuality

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#Breasts, Family

Here’s a thought. Female breasts are there to feed babies.

Yeah I know, we (men, mostly) have put more significance into breasts other than their biological purpose. Because of their purpose, they help define femininity. That’s not a bad thing.

Part of our dystopic thinking has us alienate ourselves from the natural world, such as the purposes of our physical bodies. We exist, in part, in no way solely and totally,  to survive and perpetuate our species and our cultures and communities. It follows that men and women have roles that the sexes dictate. Now I know women can do more than bear children and breast-feed. I know that men can do more than donate sperm in the facilitation of conception. I also know that families are the basic social unit and exist in order that children may survive and flourish.

Oddly enough, I feel that I have to apologize for the way things are, that I must acknowledge the validity of every variant from that “traditional” norm. Now I know that same sex partners are doing as good a job of raising children as heterosexual couples. But ultimately there has to be a point of departure. Making every bond and friendship, the equivalent of a family, no matter how valuable or tenuous they may be, distorts and devalues the family. They are, ultimately, artificial constructs. Families exist because individual identities become subservient to the larger paradigm of family. husband/wife, father/mother.

This is not to discount our individuality, our own uniqueness as persons. But there is a place and a time for the ego to submerge.

Catching Up.

09 Sunday Sep 2018

Posted by David in Family, Wildlife

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# ALS, # The Villages # Golf

I am in The Villages, Florida. It is a mega-retirement complex with lots of golf courses, golf carts, and retired types who golf. I do not golf. Among the other activities is drinking. I do not drink. The Villages have a reputation for high incidences of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. I don’t engage in promiscuous sex. So what’s a fella to do?

1) Visit my brother-in-law and note the progress of his Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS). It’s a bitch of a disease but he and his wife are dealing with it with grace and courage. Truly inspiring.

2). Sit in the air conditioning, just like at home.

3). Go walking. There are interesting birds. This is a great blue heron, I tbink. He did not divulge any information about his identity.

When we sit in the lenai at my brother-in-law’s, we can make out the form of an alligator, just below the surface of the water in the pond. There are other birds, egrets, loons, and ducks.

All in all, very peaceful. But I want to go back to Virginia and Hurricane Florence (Henderson? A Brady Bunch homage?)

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