Author Archives: David

Penance and $2.04

19 Saturday Nov 2016

Posted by in Catholic Life, cooking, food, Pie Crust, Uncategorized

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Yesterday was Friday. As a Penance, we refrain from eating meat. Penance involves an act which seeks to turn our thoughts and lives toward God.  It is a challenge,  but not so much for finding meatless alternatives.  The challenge lies in choosing to not eat meat as a Penance in the first place.  Vatican II said you could eat meat, right?  Yes, it did, but one is obligated to choose another Penance as a substitute.  Penance, to most people, Catholic or not, is a foreign concept. If one cynically reduces religious observance and the devout life into some sort of cosmic and existential board game , replete with rewards and penalties, it is merely an absurd gesture among many absurd gestures. I see it as something more; leave it at that for now.

Having set the context, the admonition from Mrs CorC? yesterday morning was “Don’t go out and spend money for food I might not want to eat when I get home from work.” Good point.  What to fix then?  I do a quick check of items on hand,and decide on a mushroom and cheddar quiche with fried apples on the side. All that’s missing are mushrooms.

After a noon AA meeting and a meandering drive, debating whether to go to the library or not, I head to the store, then home. I see a package of fresh mushrooms for $1.99.  Mustering all the power of self-control a recovering alcoholic can possess, I pay for them, ignoring all else, especially the Thrift Bakery items. Total for trip is $2.04, with tax.

Upon arriving home, I get out the butter, lard and flour and prepare a pate’ brissee,  from The Joy of Cooking. Making the dough went quite well and I was recollecting a wonderful exchange with another blogger I had about this recipe a few months ago.  It needs to rest in the fridge for at least two hours, so I take this time to go for a four mile power walk around the neighborhood.

The walk went well. The shower felt great. I await Mrs CorC?’s return and finishing the meal prep.  I read from Sometimes She Lets Me, (Cleis Press, Tristan Taormino, Editor)  a collection of lesbian erotica.   Lesbian erotic writing is plain old good writing and not an insult to the intelligence, unlike much other erotic writing.  Upon arrival, she is tired and not completely unplugged from the work day. I leave her to chill and wait for her word to start supper.

Assembling the quiche was easy and fun. I made another major dent in the half gallon of milk I bought the other day, used up the shredded cheddar opened a couple of weeks ago, and got to use the white pepper I deemed an extravagance when I bought it.  The fried apples kind of morphed from rings to apple sauce. I think the Cortland apples  I used don’t cook well for that purpose, but they tasted great. Who cares, right?

My old friend back pain was there through most of yesterday.  But Life is good.

The Breakup And The Surprise Meeting

18 Friday Nov 2016

Posted by in Adult Children, Depression, Love and stuff, Smartphones

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I finally broke it off. With Facebook.  I had had enough of the politics, the misinformation presented as fact, the snarky remarks from and at the people who don’t agree with the poster.  I let it get to me and decided I did not need Facebook.  I don’t need to seek the approval of total strangers  and to look for the “like” on a post as if it meant something more than mild agreement. So I deactivated my account. The next day I had a session with my counselor. He’s worked with me for almost 2 years.  I told him of the breakup and he thought it was a good idea.  He shared I’m not alone; that FB is crazy-making for a lot of  his clients.

So after my session, when we agreed that my hyperactive stomach may not be all nerves, I was on my way to the store to buy some omeprazole to handle the physical problems of hyperacidity.  On the way to the pharmacy, I realized I needed to stop by the auto repair shop to see if some knobs for Mrs CorC?’s Honda that my mechanic had ordered had come in. As I pulled in, whom should I see there but RBA, my elder son!  I did not recognize him at first, because I wasn’t expecting to see him there. He was supposed to be in Hickory, North Carolina where he was transferred about four months ago.  His wife told me a couple weeks earlier that he was negotiating a move back here. Evidently, he had accomplished it very recently.

Had anyone told me forty years ago, when RBA was an infant, that seeing my adult children would make my day, I would have looked at them in disbelief.  But it’s true. When RBA or CD come over, or even if I see them by chance, I am floating on air.  A lot of my sadness clears up.  The issues that dog me, e.g. no sexual intimacy in my marriage, fade to the background.

Mrs CorC? came home. We went out for dinner.  I read when I got home.  I purposely left the smartphone downstairs to keep it from tempting me when confronted with boredom when I went upstairs to listen to the Ten O’Clock News news, silently wanting it to end.  The hard truth is that the smartphone within easy reach has morphed into kind of a cyber-cigarette, to calm my nerves, to keep me from truly being with people.  I guess being secondary in a relationship to a tiny little computer just might generate a resentment or two.

With any luck, I will grow up before I die.

Off She Goes

14 Monday Nov 2016

Posted by in Classical Music, Love and stuff, Sport

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Monday, I wake up around Six. I fell asleep in the other bed, in the other bedroom, around Three. At least I guess I did. Earlier I woke up around One A.M., lay in bed, the big queen size bed, till I finally acknowledge my need to urinate. I climb out of bed, walk to the bathroom, flick on the light, raise the seat, and void.

I go downstairs, decide a cup of decaf is in order, start one with the Keurig machine, listen to the pressure push the stream of hot water through the plastic pod, then take my cup of hot Dunkin’ Decaf.  I sit in my leather recliner,check football scores, the arrival/departure status of Amtrak trains and sip the coffee.  I start to feel tired again after reading and  pondering the state of the world. I say a Hail Mary, putting emphasis on the phrase “Full of Grace”, being too lazy to get out the Rosary and invest the twenty minutes it takes me to pray five decades.

Back upstairs I go. I position the pillow against my back, start the CD with Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau singing Schubert Lieder. I last remember the fourth song. Next thing I know it is Six A.M.  I brew some real coffee with caffeine, read the obituaries, (my mother’s morning habit), then the sports page. Les Habs, the Montreal Canadiens, lost last night 3-2 to the Blackhawks.  I start a DVD (CBS’s World War I), paying half-attention to Robert Ryan’s narrative of the Pershing Expedition to find Pancho Villa in 1916.  I text with my friend in Connecticut over nothing in particular.

I hear Mrs CorC  moving about upstairs, starting her shower, then trudge upstairs to chill with her as she gets dressed for work.  I tease her about the foods she dislikes, veal, lamb, okra (gumbo), promising not to put okra in the soup I’m planning to fix in the next couple of days.

She is dressed for work, her teeth brushed, her I-Pad charged. She kisses me good-bye, half-heartedly, fearful this morning, of infecting me with some imagined virus.

She did not remind me to be a “Good Boy” today. I never ask what would constitute bad behavior, (looking at porn sites perhaps?)  If she only knew of the porn playing between my ears whenever I wished to imagine it, she would realize the futility of her admonition.

One day, in our ongoing but sporadic dialogue of why we don’t make love, she stated that menopause stifled her libido.  I can only speculate as to why she has made no inquiries with doctors, or psychotherapists, or even friends on how to restore said libido.   She is not, after all, singularly, uniquely, and solitarily afflicted with this dilemma.

“Why, my Beloved, am I NOT worth the effort?”

Off she goes……

Standing On Line, 8 November 2016

08 Tuesday Nov 2016

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This is the 99th Anniversary of The October Revolution in Russia. It was a coup d’etat that brought Lenin and the Bolsheviks to power in Russia. Triumphant over the counter-revolutionary White faction after a bloody civil war following this seizure of power, Communism, Marxism-Leninism, held on to control the government and economy  until the early 1990’s.

An awful lot of people who voted today in the US of A weren’t even born until after Communism collapsed. I thought about that demographic fact standing on queue to vote today. I waited, shuffling forward for nearly forty five minutes before my turn came. It was a minor inconvenience. When I think of standing on line, I remember hearing the common complaint of most Russians under Communism that standing on line was the norm, so rife were shortages in Russia. The state-controlled economy could not meet the needs of the people. The common sense logic dictated that, if one saw a line forming, one got in it, because whatever was available at the end of the line was something a person probably needed, whether it was a chicken, cloth or toilet paper. 

We, as a nation, as states, cities, counties and Congressional Districts, voted today. This constitutional republic voted to choose its leader and representatives, the ones who make and execute the laws under which this nation governs itself. 

Were it a meaningless exercise, fortunes would not have been spent, advocating for one outcome over another, for one party to gain power over another. People emigrate to the United States because individual, personal freedom is the reality. 

Who knows how it will turn out. But We The People expressed our will.

Crazy Thoughts

06 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by in Uncategorized

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  1. God won’t forgive me for being happy
  2. I have to stay married to Mrs CorC? til one of us dies.
  3. Another relationship will make me happy.
  4. If I just buy what they sell on the commercials they show during the football games, I will be happy. Beer, a Lincoln, Pepsi, Papa John’s Pizza, Cialis.
  5. Maybe if I bought Mrs CorC? that diamond, we would have sex.

    I told you they were crazy thoughts. Are you glad they’re not in your head?

    Lurking, Substitutions, Sleep

    04 Friday Nov 2016

    Posted by in Exercise/ Fitness, food, Gender Roles, Sexual Identity, Sobriety

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    If you follow my blog, you might have learned a few things about me.

    1. I had a spinal fusion in November, 2015 that effectively ended my working career. The fusion was preceded by a rotator cuff repair in May, 2015.
    2. I am a practicing Roman Catholic, having converted in 2010 at age 59, from The Episcopal Church USA.  “Practicing ” means I go to both Mass and Reconciliation (Confession) regularly, pray The Rosary, abstain from meat on Friday as a penance. Most importantly, I take Church teaching on love and compassion very seriously.  My faith is like  a “hard limit” with me. I realize a lot of you have had some truly crappy experiences with the Church. I understand. I’m sorry it was so bad for you. Part of converting meant I had to get two previous marriages that ended in divorce annulled under Canon (Church) Law.  I totally get the annulment ordeal.
    3. I am a recovering alcoholic, 22 years sober, AA attending. Along with The Church, I use the 12 Steps of AA in ordering and directing my life . Patience and tolerance are among the gifts I take from them.
    4. Partly from AA, partly from family history, and partly from my own personal experiences around sex and gender identity,  I am very accepting around LGBT issues.  If you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, that’s OK by me. To that end I am curious about your lives and how you view the world.
    5. On the lighter side, I like to cook.  I also like to exercise, swimming and power walking mostly.

    This takes us to the first topic in the title, Lurking. All you Butch Lesbians and Bisexuals out there should know I read your blogs. Occasionally I will “like” a post.  I realize most Butches are OK with my reading. Some aren’t.  To those who aren’t OK with people of my demographic reading your blogs, I’m sorry. But I’m not quitting, unless you bore me to death.

    Topic #2.  Substitutions. Since I like to cook and am in Recovery, I find substitutions for wine, beer and spirits in food challenging. Most times I simply not use a recipe with alcohol.  I know how alcohol cooks off in a lot of cases.  But the “esters”, those wonderful compounds that give different wines their unique and characteristic flavor, give me a headache. Any tips on substitutes for alcohol would be appreciated.

    Topic #3  Sleep.  Between not having a job and chronic, albeit moderate, pain. I don’t sleep well.  Throw in the Cubs winning the Series, and my circadian rhythm has no rhythm. I’m like Ward Cleaver dancing.

    That’s it. I’m done for now.

    Prurient Interest Made Me Who I Am Today.

    02 Wednesday Nov 2016

    Posted by in Sexual Identity

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    I love that term “Prurient Interest”. I first came across it when I was reading about how the Supreme Court came up with definitions of “obscenity”, about fifty years ago.  Prurient is defined as “having or encouraging an excessive interest in sexual matters”, according to the Oxford English Dictionary (online).  The Court, way back then, was saying that, if a book or movie appealed only to prurient interest and had no other redeeming artistic or social value, it was obscene.  I don’t know if they argue about matters like these any more.  The time has kind of gotten away from what was considered obscene fifty or eighty years ago.  Does anybody read Joyce’s Ulysses for its powerful eroticism any more?  I saw the film The Lovers (Les Amoreuses) a few months ago.  What is significant about the film is that it figured in what constituted “obscene” in films.  The film would probably get a PG-13 rating today.  It’s actually a pretty good movie, starring Jeanne Moreau, and her character was having an affair.  We can’t leave the subject of defining obscenity without bringing up the Justice Potter Stewart  quote,  “I can’t define obscenity but I know it when I see it.”  By that standard The Lovers is patently NOT obscene. 

    “Prurient Interest” basically alludes to curiosity about sexual matters.  What is left unsaid is that curiosity is a good thing and we human beings can’t help but be curious.  My readers will recall some entries I made about my lesbian cousin, Cousins Part One and Cousins Part Two.  I became intensely curious about the phenomenon of “Butch”, so I started reading up.  The sexual  interest aspect was lost soon after I started reading about it, but what remained was an enormous appreciation for lesbian-themed literature. I ordered Best Lesbian Love Stories 2004,  and Set in Stone,  edited by Angela Brown, published by Alyson Books.  The quality of the writing just blew me away.  I am in awe of these writers who have extraordinarily good storytelling skills.   What follows from reading the stories is empathy for the predicament of LGBT people, and respect for LGBT people.

    A cheap thrill will dissipate.  Where  the search for a cheap thrill led me were places I never dreamed I would go.

    Adventures In Gender Nonconformity

    01 Tuesday Nov 2016

    Posted by in cooking, Gender Roles, Sexual Identity, Suburbia

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    That term “Gender Nonconformity” is pretty daunting. Why would I, a committed macho-type heterosexual male, dare to venture into this semantic minefield?

    In 1961, the 4-H Club came to Skipwith Elementary School. We were still considered a rural area at that time, before the few farmers remaining sold out to the developers.  There were two teachers, facilitators, I guess they would be called now. There were two programs offered, Insect Collecting presented by the male teacher and Home Economics, facilitated by the female.  The unspoken cultural norm was that the boys would sign up for the Bugs, the girls for the Cooking and Sewing.

    I signed up for  Home Economics.  I had no real interest, at that time, in collecting insects. The wonders of entomology had yet to seduce me.  I did, however, have some interest in cooking and the other “Domestic Arts”.  I was the only boy in Home Ec.  I do not know if any girls signed up to catch bugs, kill them with ether in a jar and present them pinned to a board.  The point is that it was no big deal.  Nobody said anything.  My mother was not concerned that I might become a “homo”, to use a contemporary term. She always welcomed any help around the house.

    I did learn a thing or two. It kindled an interest in cooking, cleaning, and interior design that I still have.  Regrettably, there wasn’t much focus on sewing. I could have benefited from learning sewing. I wish I had pursued it.

    “Gender Nonconforming”.  A boy takes Home Economics. A girl collects bugs. It seems the term inflates the significance and obfuscates the reality of what’s actually happening.  I don’t mean to disparage anyone dealing with these issues  and encountering difficulty.  I know that this is a very tough issue, from what I’ve read from my blogging colleagues. Simply put, my experience in doing a “girl-type” thing was, all in all, rather benign.

    To all you Gender Nonconformists out there. Rock on!

    Back, After A Brief Absence

    31 Monday Oct 2016

    Posted by in Health Issues, Love and stuff

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    Here it is All Hallow’s Eve. We have yet to have Trick or Treaters knock on our door. We are lacking a porch light due to the exterior siding job currently in progress. We have little Paydays and Butterfingers ready to distribute as our contribution to The Pediatric Dentists’ Boat Payment Fund. Having a Registered Sex Offender in the neighborhood tends to depress our turnout. 

    This is a tough time of year for me. It is the first anniversary of Ex-wife #2’s death. I miss her.

    We are also coming up on the first anniversary of my spinal fusion. There is some happy reflection with this that centers around getting closer to Mrs CorC?. We would hang out in the bed watching Seinfeld, Andy Griffith Show and I Love Lucy. DVD’s. 

    Close counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and relationships.