“Midway upon the journey of our life I found myself in a dark wildetness, For I had wandered from the straight and true. – Dante´Alighieri, The Inferno* Translation Anthony Esolen Modern Library ©2005 Mass Market Edition
Am I caught up in pursuit of vain and futile diversions, under the pretence of searching for Truth? Have I only mastered the dubious craft of self-drception?
This Friday morning I know that the Silver Meteor is running five hours late. It is now 2:30 AM. I could go back to bed, Sleep seven hours, wake up, turn on YouTube to the Railfan channel and see it pass through Ashland, as if that were my only goal of the day.
The Germans have a word for what I feel, Weltschmerz, roughly the pain of the world. It comes with the knowledge that I can never completely mourn my losses. The triumphs can never, will never offset the deaths and divorces. Triumph and loss can never be measured in a balance.
The grieving never ends. I simply stop a while and cry a little less. Their is a mourning never measured by tears, but solely in the burden of the heart.
I want to see life, to hold a newborn in my arms and declare that we humans shall endure. I watch the women, wondering if one of them shares that dream of continuing on, in the nerves, cells, muscles, and blood of new creation, who will be one from us.
How did I get to be old and still be incomplete?