I’m watching a Carnival Celebration somewhere in The Northern Hemisphere. I think it is Spain, maybe Portugal. It turns out it is Portugal, the city of Ovar. There are young women in the parade, all under 20. There is a creepy sexualization about how these girls look, as if the next Jeffrey Epstein is on the sidelines, recruiting. There is a pre-coronavirus intimacy among both the parade participants and the spectators. Hard to believe this was just a month ago.

I woke up almost 2 hours ago. When I wake up I tell myself, “I don’t want to be sleeping.” I am missing something.

Maybe my insomnia is really boredom, but no, it’s not that. J and I are just not connecting. There is love between us, shared interests and values, but we are going about the marriage as separate entities. If we intersect at any point it is almost serendipitous. Last night, she wanted her dinner in bed, as if Jeopardy cannot be missed.

I am sleepy now. Back to bed