I woke up a little before Two. The bedroom is too hot. That happens because of where the air handler and strip heat are positioned in the heat pump configuration.

But I was having sexual thoughts. Hence the feelings of emptiness and of being haunted by the past. Memories of the passion the dead ex-wife and I shared early on unsettled me. It grew to be a horrendous relationship. And I blame myself.

I will be 69 years old in twelve days. Time to move on to other things. But no. Sex, tied up as it is with human loving, doesn’t work that way. This tension of being loved, but not in the way my soul and emotions need grinds me down.

Maybe I can fall back asleep in a little bit.