AA at noon had “Expectations” for a topic. My whole life is about unmet expectations I place upon my marriage and, most acutely and painfully, the expectations I set for myself. There are things I say I should do and then don’t do, from praying The Rosary to swimming every day, starting that story I have in my head to doing Weight Watchers again.
Reaffirming the tapes of self-hatred I have in my head and keeping my sense of grandiosity inflated seem to be constants in my life. Self-care is hard for me, even after 25 years of sobriety. Those of us who have alcohol and addiction issues learn quickly about low self-esteem and the steps we take to hide it.
I will go swimming today.
I will take a nap.
I will not eat the cookies I bought for J.
Little affirmations. It is the best I can do most days.
Thank you all who read and like and comment on my blog. It means a lot.