I have been up for awhile. I found some cartoons to watch on YouTube. I looked online for therapists. I don’t know who to trust. I have unresolved grief issues around the death of ex-wife #2, (absence of) sex issues with current wife, issues around sexual abuse when I was a teenager, and basic despair. I would have to talk with…..children, or at least so it seems to me.
Grief sucks. Repressed grief sucks even worse. The therapists all suggests that talking to them will make things better. That means I have to trust them. I don’t know if I will.
Dispatches From Dystopia 
David for your own health and wellbeing you are going to have to trust someone to help you get through this…sending hugs
Finding the right therapist is really important. It took me a very long time before I started interviewing them before agreeing to do therapy with them. Trust comes slow for me. For me to really delve into the stuff which I’ve had to let come up, I had to be extremely vulnerable and break a little more before I could put myself back together. This is HARD AS HELL to do and it has to be with the right person. As with any relationship, start talking about the safer things until you feel more comfortable and rapport has been built. Slow and steady, my friend. *hugs* You can do it… and you have people who care and support you. You have the strength to trust just that little bit to start the ball rolling. ♥
Thanks. I just sent an email to a practice that specializes in grief counseling. There is another practice I worked with earlier, whom I see is still operating. I will contact them. Also call my psychiatrist. It is daunting. I want to think it is my lot in life to suffer.
I also get now just how emotionally abusive my mother was. Oh God.
I layed in bed last night yelling at my mother for the damage she caused on so many levels.
My personal journey has been to find my power and independence. I was stifled in nearly all ways most of my life. I allowed it to happen after a while because it was normal. I felt worthless from a lifetime of being stomped on. I’m hoping that this struggle now is the final blow out of allowing others to dictate my life in any way. I’m a little, but I’m not a broken child. 😉
Welcome to the world of dysfunctional families and long buried abuse. 😦 Let’s kick the shit outta this!
Oh yeah. If you told my mother she was abusive, she would be outraged. I know she didn’t mean it. She was sick, really sick, herself.
I thought I had dealt with this crap long ago.
Mine, too. I thought I was through it, but seems I have more work to do, as well. I hate being honest with myself sometimes.
Trying to fix Daddy dinner and it’s killing me! The nausea went away after a long nap and a fair amount of chicken broth. Trying to stand at the stove to fry minute steaks is Hell right now. The smell of garlic powder doesn’t help either. I won’t tell Him it made me sick…. kindness and service at a cost. ♥ He did so much today!!
Hang in there. Minute steaks can only take so long, right?
lol True that. The smell. OMG!!! The smell. It’s like being pregnant. I’ve got the whole house opened up so I can air it out and not heave.
Smart move. Think I’m going to bed. Hugs. Thanks for the input on this grief, abusive parent stuff.
Talking doesn’t necessarily help. It’s a lot to work through.
How do you know? Trust your intuition. Call or email lots of people. See who is available and then see which responses you like and go from there. It’s not easy to just find someone. I hope you do, and that this person is awesome st their job.
Sending strength and hope. You’re worth it.
Love, light and glitter
I keep coming back to this post, feeling like I should have something to say, and wandering back away thinking that others have already said the things I was thinking. But today, I ran across this quote, and thought it needed to be here:
“A wound not fully felt consumes from the inside. We must run very hard if we want to stay one step ahead of this pain. Exhausted, we try to bury it with drugs, alcohol, overwork, television, physical activity. We are a very creative species—we can use just about anything to anesthetize ourselves. But in doing so, we also remove ourselves from feeling the joy.”
~~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation
💜💜
Also, keep looking til you find a therapist who looks like someone you want to talk to, or whose profiles tells you they might understand. Some therapists are not youngsters, and even some youngsters are wise!
Thank you for both bits of advice. I will keep looking.