Today is All Saints Day, a Holy Day of Obligation. It is now 5:20 AM. Mass at St Benedict is at 8:45 AM. I need to stay awake for another three hours, then drive down to Church. There is some flexibility should I fall back asleep.
I had a dream last night where my late ex-wife was keeping the apartment neat and tidy while I worked. That actually happened when we cohabitated before we were married. Tomorrow will be the fourth anniversary of her passing. Years before she died, she expressed a desire never to see or speak to me again. It haunts me to this day.
I feel this sadness that never seems to end, when I think about it. I guess it always will. I changed when I got sober. I had major self-esteem issues that took years to work through. I’m still working on them. I feel generally worthless when I compare myself to her and her family.