It is 1:45AM Eastern Time. The subtle night sounds, insects, electric compressor motors break the silence.
I am awake. When we returned from $6 pizza night, I was tired. I had swum already. I lay down about 8:15 PM and ultimately slept a few times for maybe an hour. Catnapping. I decided around eleven to join J in the big bed, put in a Seinfeld DVD for my “bedtime” story. I last through maybe one episode on the disc before I fall asleep.
I woke up after 2 hours. I am awake, a little warm. I come downstairs, slice J’s fruit for work. I then prepped some salmon that needed cooking. It is cooking at 400°F for 30 minutes. I will have it for breakfast later with eggs, maybe grits (cheese grits?) on the side.
It took some effort on my part, but the TV is off. Reflexively I turned it on. I would then begin my search for something to watch. Usually. But I stopped, I read the posts from Succulent Savage, while I drink seltzer with lime. Routinely I drink decaf coffee, but even that can keep me up sometimes. I am now feeling sleepy. I think I will sleep in the twin bed, away from J. It’s easier, really.
Why do I think I still have to be awake and alert at Six AM, as if I have to be ready to go to whatever suck-y job I had when I worked? 41 years of bad decisions, buttressed by alcoholic drinking for twenty of those years, age 23 to 43. Then I found blue collar labour, and the satisfaction that comes with producing a tangible change in the physical environment, even if it was only a category section reset in a grocery store. My last twenty years working were my most satisfying. Neckties must affect circulation of blood to the brain in those executive-type jobs.
So now, I read, write, work out, practice patience, tolerance and understanding toward people who are as angry about the world as I once was. I also pray for the broken places and people. Silence is good for praying.