One can easily infer from the title that I am listening to Russian Orthodox Chant at three o’clock in the morning. I missed Mass on Sunday. Shoulder pain was raging and sitting in a low-backed pew would have been difficult. Still I should have gone. Recovery is never easy, as I have written before.

I’ve spent a lot of time wrestling with chastity. I want to think I am entitled to have sex in whatever iteration of sexuality I choose, such as sex with any partner who will have sex with me. Every sexual fantasy I have or write about is OK to act out. I can write erotica that contradicts Catholic teaching on sexual conduct. And I can point to the moral sexual decay of the Catholic clergy and religious, brothers and sisters, to rationalize my own sin. Let me make it clear. I don’t commit adultery, but I am a rat’s nest of impure thoughts. If I walk away from my current state, I will walk toward God.

Poverty. Choosing poverty is absolutely counterintuitive to how we live our lives. Yet John The Baptist chose poverty, for starters. The Dominicans and Franciscans are mendicant orders. They ask for money from us to get by. Choosing poverty in our culture is even more of a contradiction of its values than choosing chastity.

Obedience. This is the hardest thing to ask of a human being. Obeying authority figures does not come naturally

OK. I’m tired again. I’ve probably lost a few followers of this blog. If that is the case, so be it. I will be sorry if you leave.