I am up again. Been up a since 2:00 AM. I have this irrational fear that I may be missing something, but what that may be I don’t know.

So I am watching travel videos, shot in the 1930’s, on YouTube. Good old YouTube.

I feel sleep wanting to creep back in. And tears of a great sadness I can’t begin to describe.

I mourn those who have passed, my mother, father, brother, ex-wife, for starters.

I grieve the evil possessing Holy Mother Church.

I fear the modern world has fallen and worshipped the transitory and worldly instead of the eternal and Divine.

I must do what I can to set things a right.

And I fear failure. What I should fear is not trying, of shrinking from the challenge, of running away..

God, help me.