How do I find a lover for my wife? Craig’s List? Or some Find A Fuck Buddy website? Not. Her. Style. I was vexed and eager and curious. She had never been one to initiate anything sexual. She enjoyed the play, to be sure. But she would never say things she wanted and was curious about. Yet when I pushed an unexplored area, like oral sex, sex outside on a hot night, or when I ate out her asshole for the first time, she was “fired up and ready to go” the next time the opportunity rose.

And now this unusual request. I did a quick run down of every male I knew. They were either old or fat or bald or creepy lechers or just flat out boring. My wife, we’ll call her Jean, can take only so much sports chatter, stock tip rumors, or worst of all, politics.

But she did like men with no tolerance for bull crap; no gushing fountain of opinions ever inspired her. If a man liked to hunt or fish, she preferred to receive the venison roast, or the swordfish steaks without the story behind it. And she always exchanged the game with a carrot cake that would make a hippie proud.

Let’s go for real.  I can picture an imaginary ad now:

Real guy wanted to have sex with my wife and make me a cuckold.  No experience necessary.

My mind played with this conundrum as I left the neighborhood one morning.  The parents were there with their children, waiting for the school bus.  Usually more than one parent was there, kind of a unspoken rule, (We don’t let the children wait alone, not in this day and age.) Today I noticed Greg, the single parentwith two daughters, eight and six. Beside him, off leash, was their dog, a Bouvier des Flandres. The children, the Dad, the dog, a perfect grouping.  I wonder where the mother was. Who knows? This is the Twenty-First Century, after all.  The bus arrives. On come the red lights, the protective arm swings out. The children climb aboard.

As Greg heads back, I lower the window and remark,

“You never miss a day, do you?”

“They’re only little once and before too long, they won’t want me with 10 feet of them.”

“True. Well have a good day”

Off I went.  Maybe SuperDad is the right candidate.”