I have known for the longest time that my younger adopted son, now 29, has Asperger’s Syndrome, a condition on the Autism Spectrum. Today I was talking with my elder son, age 41, from an earlier marriage. He said, “Did you know I was autistic?”
No.
It has taken about 6 hours to wrap my head around this. But that diagnosis explains so much of his behavior. He is a high-functioning autistic, who has hidden much of his condition. Basically I am relieved, more than anything else.
And OK.
Dispatches From Dystopia 
My oldest exhibits many of the traits of Aspergers. When he was very small I can remember asking my pediatrician if he was autistic. He assured me my son was not. Over the years I have become convinced he is on the spectrum. His wife, and adult brother, and our physician friend are all convinced as well. But the oldest refuses to get tested. Refuses to believe/admit he has it.
I had no idea w R. my elder son. I don’t know when he figured it out. His mother is a psychiatrist, so I’m sure she provided a lot of input. Had we known earlier, summers with me would not have happened when he was a boy. That involved coming to Richmond from Philadelphia. He is doing well now with a stable marriage and a good job.
I wish I had words of wisdom. I’ve just learned to enjoy being with my sons.