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Actually, it is a lovely late summer day, only a few days away from the Autumnal Equinox. There is no real fog. But in my head, it’s another matter. I’m engaged in the mental wrestling match, pitting Desire against Inhibition. I realize that my fear of rejection has me keep silent in the agonizing climate of sexual negativity inside my marriage. If I state my needs, her issues will be expressed and they will override what my desires are. This sucks.
And my usual outlets, based on a rich fantasy life and the accompanying auto-erotic self-stimulation, don’t work any more. Those outlets are about self-centeredness and only exacerbate the loneliness.
There are only so many games to watch on TV, laps to swim, and cold showers to take. I’m giving Anne Rice’s Beauty‘s Kingdom another read-through, seeking some respite in the sumptuous, but implausible, decadence.
Would I walk away from my world and my values, just to feel better or different right now? Stay tuned.
Dispatches From Dystopia 
For what it’s worth, i think it is cruel to sexually reject your husband. i am old school that way. Whatever her needs and reasons-men and women have sex for different reasons. Women have sex when they feel close. Men have sex to feel close. So its generally counter-intuitive to a woman’s base needs to reject a man sexually. i don’t think you can reject someone sexually without rejecting the whole person on a deep level. i don’t know what you may have already tried with your wife to appeal to her, but it usually helps to initiate touch (think massage) but clearly explain that you are doing this just for her (not to initiate sex). Helping her feel sensual might help. Giving her a way to communicate with you about sex can be golden too. As weird as this may sound, making a sexual coupon book can help when your partner doesn’t want to talk around sex. Catholicism always tacitly made it clear to me that there are Madonnas and Whores. Its no surprise that so many of us good catholic girls ended up needing punishment/kink/rough sex/ SM.
Interesting observation on the “Madonna/Whore” Dynamic. Brother’s my wife nor I were raised Catholic, but I think the inability to accept physical pleasure, especially sex, is intrinsic to our culture. I was married to a woman raised in a very secular household, who had strong sexual inhibitions. She went to a prestigious girl’s boarding school, where boys were all viewed as “PSO’s” potential sex offenders.
More importantly, thank you for reaching out to me and sharing your thoughts. They are both encouraging and constructive. I feel better when I read what you write.
That should be “neither” not “brother’s”. Curse you, Auto-Correct.