Today is Monday. The day is a federal holiday, honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, but everyday is a holiday when one is home on disability.  My night was strange as they all have become, a struggle to sleep. My mind wanders. My longing consumes me.  I am married in a nonsexual marriage with a woman who gets very uncomfortable when sexual intimacy is even mentioned.  That makes the loneliness that much more painful.  To express what I need, full, complete passion, risks a deep rejection. The losses of a relationship, a home, financial security are daunting risks to contemplate.
So here I am six days later. In that time, I celebrated my 65th birthday on Thursday. A major snowstorm hit Richmond over Friday and Saturday. It is sunny and cold now, that beautiful time after it snows that turns the land into a picture on a calendar. Lovely.
My big goal for last week was to walk 5 times. With the storm staring at me, I knew I had to get out Friday before the “fun” began. At 8:00 AM I began my walk under gray and ominous skies. The Latino work crew putting new Hardyplank siding on the townhouse building exteriors were working and planning to as long as they could. I asked one man if he was working that day. He smiled and said “Yes”, the pride obvious in his bearing.
My original goal Friday was a simple five circuit 2 mile walk. But when I finished, I felt good, the weather was holding, so I did my usual 4 miles, and a cool down. My total for the week was 20 miles.
The post-walk shower felt great. I lay down for a bit and when I arose, the storm was beginning. It snowed, sleeted, and snowed again for about 36 hours and there is about 16 inches of snow outside. The soundtrack between my ears is playing the Bing Crosby/ Danny Kaye duet Snow from White Christmas.
I want this infernal brace off, so I can get back to swimming and more activities. but the walks are great right now.