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Dispatches From Dystopia

~ "What man by worrying can add one cubit to his span of years?"

Dispatches From Dystopia

Category Archives: Family

24 And There’s So Much More

10 Tuesday Jul 2018

Posted by David in alcoholism, Family, Sobriety

≈ 2 Comments

It has been 24 years since I had my last drink. When I consider that I drank for 25 years, I’m entering that year when I will have been sober for as many years as I drank.

I had a lot of sick, self-serving thinking. As I move further down the sobriety path, I discover a little each day how that selfishness damaged those around me.

I’m tired now. There will be more.

Party On, Puritans!

06 Friday Jul 2018

Posted by David in Family, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

birth control, Politics

H L Mencken once famously defined Puritanism as “the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.”

I thought of the Mencken quote because of our propensity to peg our happiness to the political situation. Our cultural Puritanism has two competing and conflicting schools of thought, both attached to conflicting and competing schools of moral progress.

Look at values around artificial contraception as just one example. One idea of moral progress can include a belief in artificial birth control and limitation of family size. Attached to this tenet, is the belief that women have the freedom to decide individually when, if at all, to become mothers. Another school of moral progress can reject artificial birth control with no limit on family size. Emphasis is on “family”, not family size. That no moral progress is attainable if the most basic social structure, the family, is derided or devalued. Concomitant with this value is the value that families consist of two parents, male and female, mother and father.

One Puritan school fears that there are people out there making babies with no thought to the strained resources of our fragile and limited planet. The other school fears that people are out there happily fornicating and copulating, with no thought to any principle besides hedonistic pleasure-seeking.

Our Puritanism has us wed to the goal of progressing toward, if not outright establishing, a political Utopia, with “Liberty and Justice for all”, but with competing ideas of what Liberty and Justice may be. We stumble along our road of Progress, never really happy unless we control the toll gates.

This is what a free society looks like. It carries a tension between competing ideas, both committed to a notion of The Common Good.

Father’s Day

18 Monday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Catholic Life, Family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Historic areas, #Holiday, Family

Today is a big day for me, what with me being a father and all. I’m at the stage of life where no ties, tobacco pipes, fishing lures, golf balls, or single malt Scotch whisky are wanted, needed, or desired. In my earlier post, Cast Iron Pleasures, I extolled the praises of my wife’s gift.

Today was a day of resting. #1 Son is in the final stages of moving to Church Hill, an historic Richmond neighborhood. So a visit would have been a strain. #2 Son wanted to take me to a cool restaurant, Indian Fields Tavern, located in a converted farmhouse on Rte 5, Charles City County. This is the back road to Williamsburg, that bicyclists and motorcyclists use for the excursion. It is a cool place. I was gratified to know that #2 son enjoys this restaurant and this rather quaint road as much as I do.

It is tempting to fill the post with a long digression on the historic significance of #1 son’s new residence and #2 son’s discovery of an area important in both the Colonial era and the American Civil War, but I will save that.

What’s on my mind is how my wife’s job on the late shift at Target (a good place to work, btw) turns my sleep schedule all askew. Today I missed Mass. I just was too tired, even to go to the late afternoon Mass. So I did a bit of contemplation at home.

I had worked out (swimming) five days in a row, so I needed a day’s rest. All in all, this Father’s Day was good.

The Nihilism Of Our Present Age

07 Thursday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Existential Despair, Family, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#National Anthem # American Civil War # Donald Trump

Journalism has become little more than a head game. For both sides. One media commentator has just called the National Anthem “problematic” , thus changing the trajectory of the seemingly perpetual protest over the transgressions, real or imagined, of the ruling class to the words of Francis Scott Key’s poem itself. It’s the second verse, don’t you see? What? You don’t know it? You don’t care one whit about it? It doesn’t define you as an American? The idea is to give self-hatred a deeper cut, rubbing salt in the wounds.

Believe it or not, we still have a free exchange of ideas, and unrestricted breadth and depth of intellectual inquiry in this country. However, we often get the impression that one school of thought dominates the scholarship. The dominant paradigm in academic thought for about 100 years has been some permutation or another on the Class Struggle, e.g. workers vs capitalists,”have-nots” vs “haves”, Slaves vs Masters, oppressed vs oppressors.. The historiography of the American Civil War is a case in point. Any analysis that suggests abolition and/or perpetuation of slavery as merely one reason for the war is suspect. Dogma by the Marxist historians, admitted (as in the case of WEB Dubois) or de facto, has been promulgated. Dogma slides easily into myth. The search for truth is not the same as proclaiming a new popular mythology. Symbols of the old mythology thus become problematic; those attached to the old symbols are obviously not with the New Mythology, (insert Truth for Mythology).

What does this have to do with Nihilism? Nihilism is the devaluation and obliteration of all ideals, no matter how noble, such that nothing but a baseness of human motive and aspiration is left.

We come to live for gratification of appetite, sexual, sensual, gustatory. We have, as a culture, come to value feelings, particularly pleasurable ones, as the end of human pursuits. The adrenalin rush is the greatest aspiration in our culture. We seek it from sex, roller coasters, computer games, and tragically, war itself.

Saint Paul addressed this in one sentence, in describing the prevalent Roman culture of the First Century.

“Their God is the belly.”- Phillipians 3:19

The noble aspirations that distinguish the American character are largely devalued. I am speaking not merely of values expressed by Jefferson, Lincoln, Douglass, Anthony or King, but even more basic values, like fathers and mothers committed to the survival and integrity of their families. This isn’t only economic well-being, but the preservation of values that keep families and, by extension, societies, together. A father, in living the value that violence is wrong, makes a stronger point to his children than all the rhetoric of politicians on gun control. But where are fathers today? Where are families, for that matter?

So, in a world where there are no values, how can we even presume to Make America Great Again? The Trump revolution, you see, is bigger than its obviously flawed champion. Americans need to aspire to more. And that more, extends beyond the goals of both leftist nihilists and capitalist materialists.

Birthday

01 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by David in Family

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

#Birthday. #root beer floats

Marci, over at KoolAid Moms is celebrating her daughter’s birthday. Today is my younger son’s 30th. We are going to an Indian restaurant. My sister is joining us. I am pretty exctied, because once a child hits adulthood, seeing him/her is sketchy.

He is adopted. But he has been with me (us) since his birth. His mother and I did a private placement adoption, that side-stepped adoption agencies. In the thirty years, there has seen my recovery from alcoholism, divorce, the passing of his mother. He has ADD and Asperger’s Syndrome. But he is not his diagnosis. He is just a wonderful young man.

I believe I will go get the makings for root beer floats and we will come home and have them for dessert. He likes them.

Another Night. Another Rant.

25 Friday May 2018

Posted by David in Family, Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Blended Families, #Incompleteness

She is upstairs, watching a chic-flick. I am downstairs, watching women’s college softball. We had a pretty good day together, had lunch, went to a thrift shop, and found a cool book on the collections in the Hermitage Gallery near St Petersburg. Then home. And a nap. And waking up. Then the dread emptiness I feel that we have no passion, an old age approaching with a void, waiting to die.

I texted with #2 son. His birthday is next Friday and he will be 30. Neither of my sons are her children. So I feel like there is very little glue to my “family”. The sons have different mothers. #2 son’s mom is deceased. The bond comes from my sister who is incredibly close to her nephews. The family gatherings at her house are special to me.

MrsCorC?, I fear, likes this jumble and junkpile of a house. It keeps my children away from her. She wants me for herself. And there is no energy, unless we are going somewhere. anywhere.

Short Post

04 Friday May 2018

Posted by David in Family, Relationships, Tolerance

≈ Leave a comment

Last night’s post The Truth really opened up some space for me. Telling the truth about my loss and my feelings are helping me work through this horrific experience.

Growing up in a political family, I learned to take political disagreement with a grain of salt. So when I encounter inflexible and hateful ideologues in the real world, I don’t know how to deal with them.

So I still want everybody in the Whole Wide World to love me for the lovable old curmudgeon that I am, just as I love pretty much all comers.

We went from day time highs of mid sixties to lower nineties within a day of each other, it seems.

Had the ball joints replaced in the ’98 Mercury Grand Marquis, my Dad’s (Junior) old car. I want it to run forever

Things Happen.

09 Monday Apr 2018

Posted by David in Family, food

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#Aging.

Back in late February, 24 February, to be exact, my stepmother fell, fracturing her femur. She is 92, so this is a very big deal. After surgery, and a hospital rehabilitation, she is back at home, continuing her rehab, with the hope of walking again without the aid of a walker. Her days of living alone, however, are over.

Saturday was cold and rainy, more like late February than early April. Homemade macaroni and cheese seemed like the perfect dish. I made a cheese sauce, and, upon discovering a complete absence of macaroni, broke up the linguine and angel hair pasta I had open in boxes. It works just as well. I’m taking the pasta and cheese sauce over to my stepmom in a few minutes.

Things happen. Elderly people fall. Lives change.

There are things that happened during my blogging hiatus I will eventually share. D’s femur fracture is but the first.

There is a deep emotional hurt I will post about, but it is political in nature. I’m not ready to write about it because the pain after almost eight weeks is still too raw, reminiscent of the collapse of my first marriage that ended forty years ago, coincidentally in the early Spring. I am still losing sleep over this recent incident.

More later.

Happy New Year

01 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by David in Family, Relationships

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

New Year's Greetings

To all my Word Press friends, I am sitting down, watching The Rose Parade, as my house warms from the busy oven. Happy New Year.

If my blogging has taught anything, it’s that people committed to respect and community can get along just fine, no matter what descriptors they choose to characterize themselves.

I love you all. Thank you for reading my blog and being my cyber-neighbors.

Wednesday Drama

28 Thursday Dec 2017

Posted by David in Family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

#elderly parents

Today I was to take my stepmom to the Y. So I called to set up a time and I got a busy signal. I wait a bit and there is still a busy signal. An hour of this, maybe longer, transpires. Uh–oh. .

It could be no big deal. Then again. The lady is 92, lives alone, except for the cat. Better check. I go over. She answers the door. I am relieved. I don’t do 911 well.

“Your line has been busy.”

“Oh Dear.”

“There is a phone off the hook.”

“I have four extensions.”

We find the offending phone, put it back on its cradle. The phone rings now.

As dealing with elderly parent issues go, this is nothing. That moment of panic when the possibility of the inevitable happening now is hard to shake off as it flashes across the brain. The thought of losing a dear one is so unnerving, so scary.

I’m grateful for every day I have with this beautiful lady.

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